Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

You didn't listen
You didn't think I would jump
Why did you yell, "Jump!??"
Haiku # 65983, September 18, 2019 9:51 pm ET
by Splat of Sidewalk
I just eat the dinks
Too many preservatives
In store brand hot dogs
Haiku # 65982, September 18, 2019 8:10 pm ET
by Not Ralph Nader of Wiener Roast
You're an amateur.
That's why you eat the bodies.
There's no evidence.

And you gain power
by devouring their souls.
Trust me on this one.
Haiku # 65981, September 18, 2019 7:33 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
People ask questions
When your neighbor turns up dead
And you're drenched with blood
Haiku # 65980, September 18, 2019 6:50 pm ET
by Neighbor of Neighborhood
G
E
T

N
A
K
E
D
!
!
!
Haiku # 65979, September 18, 2019 6:09 pm ET
by In the shopping mall.
Feel my rig shaking
So I pull over real quick
Unburden my load
Haiku # 65978, September 18, 2019 4:23 pm ET
by Mack of Roadside
Coming to Netflix
The Brother and Sister Ride.
And Cousin Orgy
Haiku # 65977, September 18, 2019 4:16 pm ET
by Satisfied of Couch
Cowboy Mexicans
Playing their Naco music
On Telemundo
Haiku # 65976, September 18, 2019 12:06 pm ET
by El guiro of Huitlihuachapatenzontletitlan
Canned meat is grotesque.
Trailer park hicks and Asian.
Only they enjoy.
Haiku # 65975, September 18, 2019 7:40 am ET
by df
I don't think that's mud.
Grandpa ate some Fiber One
for breakfast today.
Haiku # 65974, September 18, 2019 7:34 am ET
by Darth Figpucker, The Highly Inappropriate of Math Whore, Inc.
Hello there.
Haiku # 65973, September 18, 2019 7:30 am ET
by
No no no silly
poet, I'm no professor,
but I'll do homework.

All you need to do
is open up your wallet.
Or your tight asshole.

I'm just a math whore.
I'll even do their exams.
Call for scheduling.

Fifty bucks per hour.
Your parents will never know.
You've heard that before.
Haiku # 65972, September 18, 2019 3:59 am ET
by
On the wrestling mat
The grandparents caked in mud
Don't look, you'll go blind
Haiku # 65971, September 17, 2019 11:24 pm ET
by Noticer of Details of Behind binoculars
The can of salmon
Was considered a member
Of the family
Haiku # 65970, September 17, 2019 11:14 pm ET
by Half sister of can of salmon of Kitchen
So glad I cut class
Professor Darth Figpucker
Should be castrated
Haiku # 65969, September 17, 2019 10:36 pm ET
by Student of School of semi hard knocks
Let's discuss waffles.
What are the best recipes?
I like them crispy.
Haiku # 65968, September 17, 2019 9:51 pm ET
by
All those tight students
bending over for a grade.
Goosh goosh goosh goosh goosh.
Haiku # 65967, September 17, 2019 9:22 pm ET
by
I know this is strange.
Math makes my penis feel big.
Exponentiate!
Haiku # 65966, September 17, 2019 9:17 pm ET
by
A point charge of q=5.0x10^8C is placed at the center of an uncharged spherical conducting shell of inner radius 6.0 cm and outer radius 9.0 cm. Find the electric potential at (a) r = 4.0 cm (b) r = 8.0 cm (c) r = 12.0 cm.

After solving, jack off onto the quiz and turn in your spooge-soaked paper so the professor can have a hot nutritious meal in the faculty lounge.

Female students get an automatic grade of F.
Haiku # 65965, September 17, 2019 8:55 pm ET
by Gay Physics Professor
A point charge of q=5.0Ã
Haiku # 65964, September 17, 2019 8:52 pm ET
by Gay Physics Professor
Just started work here
They told me to write haiku
And to make it bad
Haiku # 65963, September 17, 2019 8:04 pm ET
by New Poet of Workplace
toddlers will behave.
just play The Devil's Rejects.
they won't stop watching.
Haiku # 65962, September 17, 2019 7:56 pm ET
by Good Parent.
My math lab dot com.
Pay me to do your homework.
I am a math whore.
Haiku # 65961, September 17, 2019 7:36 pm ET
by
Emasculated.
Homosexuality.
Defenestration.
Haiku # 65960, September 17, 2019 7:21 pm ET
by of
I'd like to meet him.
Why does his mind work that way?
Nipress, Ash, Star Wars.

I do not get it.
I'm not gay, but I'd fuck him.
Down in my basement.
Haiku # 65959, September 17, 2019 6:59 pm ET
by Deliverance Poets. of *Cue hillbilly music.
NIPPRESS BLIPPRESS
ASH GRAASH
SMISH SMASH
NIPPRESS STARWARS THEMED
DARTH JAWA
Haiku # 65958, September 17, 2019 5:09 pm ET
by iamback
Electrocution
You're relaxing in the bath
Catch this hair dryer
Haiku # 65957, September 17, 2019 4:34 pm ET
by Zappy of Grounded
When the dark clouds burst
brown shit raindrops plop down
Then, hold out your tongue
Haiku # 65956, September 17, 2019 3:51 pm ET
by Grub of Earth
Remember the time
You tripped on that super ball
And broke your femur
Haiku # 65955, September 17, 2019 1:42 pm ET
by It was my of Pink super ball
Reindeer are tripping.
Children are being bullied.
Chinese counterfeit.
Haiku # 65954, September 17, 2019 7:58 am ET
by Amazing!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu............
Falling down an infinite well.
Well, well, well, well, well, well...
Die of old age before hitting the bottom.
Haiku # 65953, September 17, 2019 6:35 am ET
by
Going for goat milk.
Craving me some real dairy.
Maybe I'm preggers!
Haiku # 65952, September 17, 2019 5:17 am ET
by
Nobody expects
the Spanish Inquisition.
Nor sardine lattes.
Haiku # 65951, September 17, 2019 5:15 am ET
by
Ghost pepper latte.
Unexpected beverage.
Predictable itch.
Haiku # 65950, September 17, 2019 5:11 am ET
by I love ordering the ghost pepper sardine garlic latte at Starbucks. of Especially when there's a long line.
Pumpkin Spice Latte
Predictable beverage
Predictable bitch
Haiku # 65949, September 17, 2019 3:26 am ET
by Shouldn't drink coffee of Seattle
My cock stopped breathing
So I gave it mouth to mouth
And injured my back
Haiku # 65948, September 17, 2019 1:42 am ET
by know CPR
My wife is a corpse
Yet the bitch still sucks my dick
That's entertainment
Haiku # 65947, September 17, 2019 12:43 am ET
by tsemen tsunami
Hello there.
Haiku # 65946, September 16, 2019 10:04 pm ET
by
"Is this offensive?"
The man showed us a picture
of his spread ass cheeks.

"No, good sir, that's art!"
We didn't want to be rude.
He became famous.
Haiku # 65945, September 16, 2019 8:14 pm ET
by
Blippi needs a huge cock up his ass.
Seriously.
Haiku # 65944, September 16, 2019 6:23 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Today my penis fell off and onto my shoe.
So I picked up and reattached it with glue.
But then as I did my hand fell off too.
Now when I get an erection, I wave "yoo hoo",
my hand stuck to it with super glue.
What will you do if I wave it at you?

Would you laugh, or scream, or run away?
Maybe you'll like it, maybe you'll stay.
Maybe you want to be amputee fisted.
Shit, I'm twisted.
Blacklisted bastard.
Evade Dave is Evade Dave backward.
Haiku # 65943, September 16, 2019 6:21 pm ET
by
Hello there.
Haiku # 65942, September 16, 2019 6:11 pm ET
by
I'd like to see a global infestation of worms.
It would, of course, be called "Global Worming".
Parasitic worms of all shapes and sizes taking over the planet.
Because, when you think about it, they deserve it more than we do.
Hug a tape worm today.
Haiku # 65941, September 16, 2019 6:11 pm ET
by
Its hot as fuck now
Clouds hate you more than you know
Tell them to suck it
Haiku # 65940, September 16, 2019 3:04 pm ET
by WTF Weather of Not sure �
Mugabe dessert:
Africa flambee'd in rum:
Red rum, red rum. Red.
Haiku # 65939, September 16, 2019 11:58 am ET
by Kijongo Mvumakijikoliwili of pronounceable names
Hello there.
Haiku # 65938, September 16, 2019 3:34 am ET
by
That is just not true.
Werther's candy still exists.
Here's the ugly truth.

Grandpa hated you.
The ugliest grandson.
He left out of shame.

So your parents lied.
He told me this over beer.
So I know it's true.
Haiku # 65937, September 16, 2019 3:34 am ET
by
Grandpa wiped a year
There were no more Werther's left
So he killed himself
Haiku # 65936, September 16, 2019 1:43 am ET
by The of End
Hello there.
Haiku # 65935, September 16, 2019 1:10 am ET
by
Once upon a time...
a poet had Alzheimer's.
So I guess "The End."
Haiku # 65934, September 16, 2019 1:00 am ET
by
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