No no no silly
poet, I'm no professor,
but I'll do homework.

All you need to do
is open up your wallet.
Or your tight asshole.

I'm just a math whore.
I'll even do their exams.
Call for scheduling.

Fifty bucks per hour.
Your parents will never know.
You've heard that before.

On the wrestling mat
The grandparents caked in mud
Don't look, you'll go blind

The can of salmon
Was considered a member
Of the family

So glad I cut class
Professor Darth Figpucker
Should be castrated

Let's discuss waffles.
What are the best recipes?
I like them crispy.

All those tight students
bending over for a grade.
Goosh goosh goosh goosh goosh.

I know this is strange.
Math makes my penis feel big.
Exponentiate!

A point charge of q=5.0x10^8C is placed at the center of an uncharged spherical conducting shell of inner radius 6.0 cm and outer radius 9.0 cm. Find the electric potential at (a) r = 4.0 cm (b) r = 8.0 cm (c) r = 12.0 cm.

After solving, jack off onto the quiz and turn in your spooge-soaked paper so the professor can have a hot nutritious meal in the faculty lounge.

Female students get an automatic grade of F.

A point charge of q=5.0Ã

Just started work here
They told me to write haiku
And to make it bad

toddlers will behave.
just play The Devil's Rejects.
they won't stop watching.

My math lab dot com.
Pay me to do your homework.
I am a math whore.

Emasculated.
Homosexuality.
Defenestration.

I'd like to meet him.
Why does his mind work that way?
Nipress, Ash, Star Wars.

I do not get it.
I'm not gay, but I'd fuck him.
Down in my basement.

NIPPRESS BLIPPRESS
ASH GRAASH
SMISH SMASH
NIPPRESS STARWARS THEMED
DARTH JAWA

Electrocution
You're relaxing in the bath
Catch this hair dryer

When the dark clouds burst
brown shit raindrops plop down
Then, hold out your tongue

Remember the time
You tripped on that super ball
And broke your femur

Reindeer are tripping.
Children are being bullied.
Chinese counterfeit.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu............
Falling down an infinite well.
Well, well, well, well, well, well...
Die of old age before hitting the bottom.

Going for goat milk.
Craving me some real dairy.
Maybe I'm preggers!

Nobody expects
the Spanish Inquisition.
Nor sardine lattes.

Ghost pepper latte.
Unexpected beverage.
Predictable itch.

Pumpkin Spice Latte
Predictable beverage
Predictable bitch

My cock stopped breathing
So I gave it mouth to mouth
And injured my back

My wife is a corpse
Yet the bitch still sucks my dick
That's entertainment

Hello there.

"Is this offensive?"
The man showed us a picture
of his spread ass cheeks.

"No, good sir, that's art!"
We didn't want to be rude.
He became famous.

Blippi needs a huge cock up his ass.
Seriously.

Today my penis fell off and onto my shoe.
So I picked up and reattached it with glue.
But then as I did my hand fell off too.
Now when I get an erection, I wave "yoo hoo",
my hand stuck to it with super glue.
What will you do if I wave it at you?

Would you laugh, or scream, or run away?
Maybe you'll like it, maybe you'll stay.
Maybe you want to be amputee fisted.
Shit, I'm twisted.
Blacklisted bastard.
Evade Dave is Evade Dave backward.

Hello there.

I'd like to see a global infestation of worms.
It would, of course, be called "Global Worming".
Parasitic worms of all shapes and sizes taking over the planet.
Because, when you think about it, they deserve it more than we do.
Hug a tape worm today.

Its hot as fuck now
Clouds hate you more than you know
Tell them to suck it

Mugabe dessert:
Africa flambee'd in rum:
Red rum, red rum. Red.

Hello there.

That is just not true.
Werther's candy still exists.
Here's the ugly truth.

Grandpa hated you.
The ugliest grandson.
He left out of shame.

So your parents lied.
He told me this over beer.
So I know it's true.

Grandpa wiped a year
There were no more Werther's left
So he killed himself

Hello there.

Once upon a time...
a poet had Alzheimer's.
So I guess "The End."

It was raining dead prostitutes.
The perverts had a heyday.
So did the canibals.
The frogs were upset.
They just wanted some real rain.
So they could fuck, of course.

It will not come out.
I'm trying to shit a brick.
The baby's crying.

Hello there.

I just got dessert.
Chocolate mousse with espresso.
Just like Mugabe.

Robert Mugabe:
Now the once-great dictator
Gets his just desserts.

Hello there.

I have been told that
the aliens monitor
and rate each haiku

according to its
intensity of badness.
They won't tell me why.

Unsure what to do?
Rhyming haiku stick with you.
Much like super glue.

The stink of the dink,
be it purple, red, or pink,
means you should take zinc.

I think, therefore I spam.

Online zinc supplements and Viagra.
onlinestinkydinkpillsfromcanada.com

They made a mistake
And wished they were sea monkeys
And they got their wish

I will rend your limbs.
You will be a pile of blood
After this haiku