Today my penis fell off and onto my shoe.
So I picked up and reattached it with glue.
But then as I did my hand fell off too.
Now when I get an erection, I wave "yoo hoo",
my hand stuck to it with super glue.
What will you do if I wave it at you?
Would you laugh, or scream, or run away?
Maybe you'll like it, maybe you'll stay.
Maybe you want to be amputee fisted.
Shit, I'm twisted.
Blacklisted bastard.
Evade Dave is Evade Dave backward.
by
I'd like to see a global infestation of worms.
It would, of course, be called "Global Worming".
Parasitic worms of all shapes and sizes taking over the planet.
Because, when you think about it, they deserve it more than we do.
Hug a tape worm today.
by
Its hot as fuck now
Clouds hate you more than you know
Tell them to suck it
by WTF Weather of Not sure �
Mugabe dessert:
Africa flambee'd in rum:
Red rum, red rum. Red.
by Kijongo Mvumakijikoliwili of pronounceable names
That is just not true.
Werther's candy still exists.
Here's the ugly truth.
Grandpa hated you.
The ugliest grandson.
He left out of shame.
So your parents lied.
He told me this over beer.
So I know it's true.
by
Grandpa wiped a year
There were no more Werther's left
So he killed himself
by The of End
Once upon a time...
a poet had Alzheimer's.
So I guess "The End."
by
It was raining dead prostitutes.
The perverts had a heyday.
So did the canibals.
The frogs were upset.
They just wanted some real rain.
So they could fuck, of course.
by
It will not come out.
I'm trying to shit a brick.
The baby's crying.
by Clinched sphincter and constipation. of I need Fiber One.
I just got dessert.
Chocolate mousse with espresso.
Just like Mugabe.
by
Robert Mugabe:
Now the once-great dictator
Gets his just desserts.
by Mfulemi Kijungawili of Copenhagen
I have been told that
the aliens monitor
and rate each haiku
according to its
intensity of badness.
They won't tell me why.
by
Unsure what to do?
Rhyming haiku stick with you.
Much like super glue.
by
The stink of the dink,
be it purple, red, or pink,
means you should take zinc.
I think, therefore I spam.
Online zinc supplements and Viagra.
onlinestinkydinkpillsfromcanada.com
by
They made a mistake
And wished they were sea monkeys
And they got their wish
by Casual Observer of Behind binoculars
I will rend your limbs.
You will be a pile of blood
After this haiku
by Chingis Khan of Mongolia
I'ma git me some...
Some a dat BAD BAD haiku.
What I'm talkin' bout.
by Tyrone in a Fine Cadillac of 42nd Street in the 70s
So Cal, so go surf.
Mavericks would be awesome.
Just kidding; don't die.
by
I'm back in SoCal
But I won't be here too long
Just biding my time.
by mean d. of So Cal
Your life is pointless.
I mean, just look at yourself.
You read bad haiku!
by Victim of the Glaringly Obvious. of Make it Stop!
Actually, Adam
made his own banana stand
And Eve snatched it up
by Bible beater of Undisclosed
No bed of roses
Honey, while you were sleeping
I pruned your manhood
by True Story of In the news
These pistachios
God made something so tasty
Intestine shrapnel
by like I must be nuts of Nuthouse
Eve was handy too
Made the first banana stand
Adam snatched it up
by Bible beater of Garden
Jesus Christ is a
charitable carpenter
and he gives me wood.
by Gay for Jesus
Can't find the right words
To tell you in this poem
So I will just fart
by Gasbag of Methane Lane
This does not make sense.
If it made sense, you'd read it.
Stop licking the screen.
That won't get you high.
Try vinegar latte shots.
Attacked by purple.
She will not fuck you.
Not vaginally I mean.
Break dance battle whore.
by Anonymous Poet
What could I tell you
that you haven't heard before.
Sardine-stuffed gold flute.
by Bouree with a side of flounder
Claustrophobia
For the midget I sat on
At the Bingo Hall
by Polly Esther Pantz of No ventilation
Refresh each minute.
I must have the last haiku
when the earth explodes.
by
Avocado toast
Three cheers for this funny fruit
Let's all drink to that
by Drunk of Barstool
Head on collision
one last duck face selfie, please
You've got it in you
by Person of Picking up intestines on highway
Robber Mugabe
Whoops! Sorry I meant Robert...
Trashed his own country.
Zimbabwe's lyin--
Sorry, meant to say lion...
Now more a dead dog.
by Memories of Rhodesia
Somalia called.
Their women want their clits back.
I sent them to Darth.
by Sheikh of the Desert Wastes
Do not suck his "dink"!
You will get botulism.
Among other things.
by Clostridium botulinum of Zellweger's revenge.
Wobbert Smiff whining
Two, maybe three chords at best.
That's most of the Cure
by but I still like "Killing an Arab"
Botox injections
Now my boring dink looks like
Renee Zellweger
by U. Look different of Undisclosed
If your cock's too small
and her cunt is enormous,
try corn on the cob.
by Anonymous Poet
The music was dull.
He defeated Mecha Streisand.
That's all that matters.
by And you know he partied like no tomorrow. of I mean, wouldn't you?!
Be on time tonight
I'll be carrying a bag
Of unmarked assholes
by Bag holder of Appointed place
Only memories:
TSA groping my crotch.
And a new skyline.
by
Wittle Wobbert Smiff
Made boring droning music
Back in the eighties.
by Pasty-Faced Brits of Teen Existentialism
Forgot it was there
Bagel and a schmear of lox
Left in my forehead!
by Noticer of Details (Not)
Crime fighting choices.
Catwoman in area.
Batman packs condoms.
by Holy spermicide, Batman!
Last slurp of coffee
Moth caught between two soft paws
Catwoman's day starts
by Catwoman of Gotham
