You need more money.
Go earn one million dollars.
It won't be enough.

She painted pictures.
But no one knew what they were.
Strangely, nor did she.

Never cheat in school.
Try your best to learn it all.
Even the dull stuff.

It is all a lie!
Well, except that part about...
well, I think you know.

Microscopic proof
Debris under fingernails
Leads us to your dink

I do not love you.
In fact, I think I hate you.
Let's get a divorce.

Mouthwash means brainwash.
Sex-brain is brain down the drain.
Drain leads to Darth's soul.

Please, I need mouthwash.
Just a little more sweet jizz!
Like flowers blooming.

I sound like Chewie!
Now kiss me, Princess Leia.
Taste the Nerfherder.

If you fuck a goat
while a donkey's fucking you,
that's multitasking!

Peter Dinklage s Dong
Stands erect in my garden
Superb garden gnome

Some define Haiku
as depicting Nature's peace.
I say fuck that shit...

Intimidating
Approaching the urinal
His ding dong shrivels

Pull on your ding dong
Like that old Hunchback in France
Ringing the church bells

Darth keeps telling me
to jerk off yet one more time...
but not enough jizz.

Led Zeppelin rocks!
It's "In My Time of Dying"
that reveals the Christ.

Attention poets
If my poems arouse you
Feel free to jerk off

Now available
Octopus ejaculate
Undersea kefir

Australian outback
I m boofing a kangaroo
Dink didgeridoo

Australian outback
I

lifted up gods skirt
And saw satans vagina
jacked off with jesus

Sifting through junk mail
I came across your letter
Now the ink is smeared

The wedding is off
Cancel my subscription too
Ball Cheese of the Month

Take off all your clothes
Now assume the position
5,4,3,2,1....

Crazy Italians
Lugging around big noses
Wooden spoon bitch slap

"Whoop" ????
Just what in the fuck is that supposed to be?!
Are you a juggalo?
boofing Jim Beam?
Peeling off syphilis scab?
Eating them like beef jerky?
Slim Jim and Colt 45.

A fancy gift box
Inside: A gooey old dink
Walt Whitman s Sampler

Billy Nippress reads Walt Whitman as Ash weeps in the corner wearing his Union Jack Speedo. Both with heavy hearts contemplating their StarWars themed wedding of over a decade ago......

Ash and Nippress......little mistress, eating curds and whey...... Starwars wedding with Jawa peoples.....pooples dooples...Jabba The Janet......whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop

watched from a distance
Illusion of slow motion
I watch you disrobe

Pies cooling on sill
Along comes a tired hobo
The filling is poop

Face down in the trough
Perfecting his art each day
The cunnilinguist

Theresa May Leaves,
And Is Replaced By Boris.
The Pantomime Continues.

Beware of assholes
Who fuck up their teeth real bad
But blame the dentist

Gilligan s Island
Cream Pie Cooperative
Extra ginger please

The zipper ripper
With Gilligan and Skipper
A real round tripper

I d post my photo
But there is no reason to
I look just like you

I

Worm in tequila
Earthworm in his urethra
Aphrodisiac

Tonsillectomy
Nineteen seventy-seven
Took the adenoids too

He let an earthworm
crawl into his urethra.
It never came out.

Would you like some wine?
Seems you could really use it.
To wash down my SPERM.

Clumpy and rotting,
clinging like an octopus,
It tears your tonsils.

I really don't mind if you sit this one out.
My word's but a whisper, your deafness a shout.
I may make you feel, but I can't make you think.
Your SPERM's in the gutter, your love's in the sink.

Bad haiku is real.
These are haiku and they're bad.
What more do you want?!

You're such a princess.
Shall I fluff your pillow, dear.
How 'bout a foot rub.

Chased by a wild boar
Then I see you defecate
By a rotting stump

You know my weakness
Casual sex on the roof
Of your Subaru

As I was saying,
Bad Haiku is massive fake
and Darth's mouthwash = sperm

The "Johnny Johnny Yes Pappa" boy
committed suicide by boofing his father's entire wine collection at several hundred dollars a bottle.
Kitchen funnel, garden hose, turkey baster.
The insurance wouldn't cover it. And can you blame them.
The little queef pastry should have stuck to sugar.

Colgate, wintergreen.
Good for drinking or boofing.
Not much hangover.

Stay away from Scope.
That shite gives me headache
from one half liter.

Darth is a dreamer.
Cunt steps up and does the deed.
iamback's a stud!

vhs, confused
and frustrated, prays for our
tortured and doomed souls.

Starkitten takes pics,
sending them to her Facebook
groups that hunt perverts.

If you masturbate
while thinking about dead dogs,
then you might be Darth.

On the other hand,
if you actually fuck
dead dogs, then you're Cunt.

And if you have a collection of dead animals at various stages of decomposition with which to fornicate throughout the long, hot summer day, enjoying the feeling of maggots crawling up the urethra or your erect little penis, then you're iamback.