Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
26 Years, 77 Days and 76269 Haiku later...

Pull on your ding dong
Like that old Hunchback in France
Ringing the church bells
Haiku # 65044, June 22, 2019 5:08 pm ET
by Batty of Belfry
Darth keeps telling me
to jerk off yet one more time...
but not enough jizz.
Haiku # 65043, June 22, 2019 2:07 pm ET
by Prostatic Problems of Seminal Importance
Led Zeppelin rocks!
It's "In My Time of Dying"
that reveals the Christ.
Haiku # 65042, June 22, 2019 2:04 pm ET
by Bonzo's Bass Drum's Mother-in-Law of Slide Guitar
Attention poets
If my poems arouse you
Feel free to jerk off
Haiku # 65041, June 22, 2019 12:21 pm ET
by Pull five times. Stop. Pull 7 times of Pull 5 more times
Now available
Octopus ejaculate
Undersea kefir
Haiku # 65040, June 22, 2019 9:55 am ET
by Clam Molester of Take a guess
Australian outback
I m boofing a kangaroo
Dink didgeridoo
Haiku # 65039, June 22, 2019 9:52 am ET
by Spunk
Australian outback
I
Haiku # 65038, June 22, 2019 9:52 am ET
by Spunk
lifted up gods skirt
And saw satans vagina
jacked off with jesus
Haiku # 65037, June 22, 2019 9:03 am ET
by I'm a child of divorce give me a break
Sifting through junk mail
I came across your letter
Now the ink is smeared
Haiku # 65036, June 22, 2019 2:11 am ET
by Messy
The wedding is off
Cancel my subscription too
Ball Cheese of the Month
Haiku # 65035, June 22, 2019 2:09 am ET
by Shamegamah O of Cork
Take off all your clothes
Now assume the position
5,4,3,2,1....
Haiku # 65034, June 22, 2019 2:05 am ET
by Liftoff of To the Moon on the end of my shoe
Crazy Italians
Lugging around big noses
Wooden spoon bitch slap
Haiku # 65033, June 22, 2019 2:02 am ET
by What of Church
"Whoop" ????
Just what in the fuck is that supposed to be?!
Are you a juggalo?
boofing Jim Beam?
Peeling off syphilis scab?
Eating them like beef jerky?
Slim Jim and Colt 45.
Haiku # 65032, June 22, 2019 1:38 am ET
by BifurcatingPoo
A fancy gift box
Inside: A gooey old dink
Walt Whitman s Sampler
Haiku # 65031, June 21, 2019 11:33 pm ET
by Poet of Know it
Billy Nippress reads Walt Whitman as Ash weeps in the corner wearing his Union Jack Speedo. Both with heavy hearts contemplating their StarWars themed wedding of over a decade ago......
Haiku # 65030, June 21, 2019 5:09 pm ET
by Iamback
Ash and Nippress......little mistress, eating curds and whey...... Starwars wedding with Jawa peoples.....pooples dooples...Jabba The Janet......whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop
Haiku # 65029, June 21, 2019 5:03 pm ET
by Iamback
watched from a distance
Illusion of slow motion
I watch you disrobe
Haiku # 65028, June 21, 2019 4:46 pm ET
by Peeping Tom of Jerking off in haste and in your bushes
Pies cooling on sill
Along comes a tired hobo
The filling is poop
Haiku # 65027, June 21, 2019 4:43 pm ET
by Shamegmah O'Toole of Peeking
Face down in the trough
Perfecting his art each day
The cunnilinguist
Haiku # 65026, June 21, 2019 4:39 pm ET
by Within Earshot of Troughslurper
Theresa May Leaves,
And Is Replaced By Boris.
The Pantomime Continues.
Haiku # 65025, June 21, 2019 3:49 pm ET
by I am sick of Brexit
Beware of assholes
Who fuck up their teeth real bad
But blame the dentist
Haiku # 65024, June 21, 2019 1:29 pm ET
by A penis is not a toothbrush
Gilligan s Island
Cream Pie Cooperative
Extra ginger please
Haiku # 65023, June 20, 2019 12:46 am ET
by 3 hour tour of My pants
The zipper ripper
With Gilligan and Skipper
A real round tripper
Haiku # 65022, June 19, 2019 11:24 pm ET
by Jack the Zipper
I d post my photo
But there is no reason to
I look just like you
Haiku # 65021, June 19, 2019 9:57 pm ET
by Ugly
I
Haiku # 65020, June 19, 2019 9:56 pm ET
by Ugly
Worm in tequila
Earthworm in his urethra
Aphrodisiac
Haiku # 65019, June 19, 2019 7:24 pm ET
by Lavatory Laureate of Lavatory
Tonsillectomy
Nineteen seventy-seven
Took the adenoids too
Haiku # 65018, June 19, 2019 7:22 pm ET
by Tonsil free of no tonsil section
He let an earthworm
crawl into his urethra.
It never came out.
Haiku # 65017, June 19, 2019 5:03 am ET
by BifurcatingPoo of Wormy Spermy
Would you like some wine?
Seems you could really use it.
To wash down my SPERM.

Clumpy and rotting,
clinging like an octopus,
It tears your tonsils.
Haiku # 65016, June 19, 2019 5:01 am ET
by BifurcatingPoo
I really don't mind if you sit this one out.
My word's but a whisper, your deafness a shout.
I may make you feel, but I can't make you think.
Your SPERM's in the gutter, your love's in the sink.
Haiku # 65015, June 19, 2019 4:55 am ET
by Sir Ian of No, not the senate.
Bad haiku is real.
These are haiku and they're bad.
What more do you want?!

You're such a princess.
Shall I fluff your pillow, dear.
How 'bout a foot rub.
Haiku # 65014, June 19, 2019 3:36 am ET
by BifurcatingPoo
Chased by a wild boar
Then I see you defecate
By a rotting stump
Haiku # 65013, June 19, 2019 1:30 am ET
by The Dream
You know my weakness
Casual sex on the roof
Of your Subaru
Haiku # 65012, June 18, 2019 9:56 pm ET
by How do? of Summer isle
As I was saying,
Bad Haiku is massive fake
and Darth's mouthwash = sperm
Haiku # 65011, June 18, 2019 9:49 pm ET
by Sweet Baby Jesus of the Heavenly Manger
The "Johnny Johnny Yes Pappa" boy
committed suicide by boofing his father's entire wine collection at several hundred dollars a bottle.
Kitchen funnel, garden hose, turkey baster.
The insurance wouldn't cover it. And can you blame them.
The little queef pastry should have stuck to sugar.
Haiku # 65010, June 18, 2019 8:39 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Colgate, wintergreen.
Good for drinking or boofing.
Not much hangover.

Stay away from Scope.
That shite gives me headache
from one half liter.
Haiku # 65009, June 18, 2019 8:33 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Darth is a dreamer.
Cunt steps up and does the deed.
iamback's a stud!

vhs, confused
and frustrated, prays for our
tortured and doomed souls.

Starkitten takes pics,
sending them to her Facebook
groups that hunt perverts.
Haiku # 65008, June 18, 2019 8:24 pm ET
by Nippress and Ash of If you want to know where we are, listen for the Chewbacca growls.
If you masturbate
while thinking about dead dogs,
then you might be Darth.

On the other hand,
if you actually fuck
dead dogs, then you're Cunt.

And if you have a collection of dead animals at various stages of decomposition with which to fornicate throughout the long, hot summer day, enjoying the feeling of maggots crawling up the urethra or your erect little penis, then you're iamback.
Haiku # 65007, June 18, 2019 8:23 pm ET
by Nippress and Ash of We saved you some Death Star wedding cake.
Just to let you know:
Darth likes sperm-flavored mouthwash.
Have a blessed day!
Haiku # 65006, June 18, 2019 8:28 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
One time I saw two
People dressed up as rabbits
That was kind of weird
Haiku # 65005, June 18, 2019 3:31 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Apologies, but I must ask:

Hi.

I have a very short questionnaire I'd like to present and thank you in advance for answering.

Do you prefer Listerine, Scope, or Colgate mouthwash?

And what is your preferred flavor?

It's for a class project.

Thanks again.
Haiku # 65004, June 17, 2019 6:20 pm ET
by student of wikslquik thnkpo
Although we re apart
You re just a blow job away
Think of it like that
Haiku # 65003, June 16, 2019 8:19 pm ET
by Eerily quiet
Mexican confides
Nickster spills the frijoles
ay, caramba dude
Haiku # 65002, June 16, 2019 7:50 pm ET
by Ledge of Kentucky
Woah. How did you know
That I was watching Ice Age
with my dear daughtet?
Haiku # 65001, June 16, 2019 4:54 pm ET
by Sid the Lisping Sloth
The family gathered
Around dear old Dad s beer gut
Celebrating sloth
Haiku # 65000, June 16, 2019 3:27 pm ET
by Latchkey child
The family gathered
Around dear old Dad
Haiku # 64999, June 16, 2019 3:26 pm ET
by Latchkey child
Hola, I have short questionnaire for you. Thanks in advance for answering.
Do you like soaking penis in alcohol, hot sauce, or blood of jesus.

Thank you....

Is for class project.
Haiku # 64998, June 16, 2019 12:16 pm ET
by Student driver
Sick of your cartwheels.
Go sell your tuna elsewhere.
It's been done before.
Haiku # 64997, June 15, 2019 9:15 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Cartwheel Cartwheel split
Tuna fish tuna fish glue
Stuck to the floor now
Haiku # 64996, June 15, 2019 4:30 am ET
by Unique of Physique
Ukulele class
And then we get stinking drunk
And then we get laid
Haiku # 64995, June 15, 2019 2:40 am ET
by Volcano of excuses of Lavatory
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