South Park already
did an Ass Burgers syndrome
episode. It rocked.

Cartman put burgers
down his pants; enhanced flavor.
I would have ate one.

It's been suggested.
Don't think I ain't thunk on it.
Eat my Ass Burgers!

The food bank is great
I just made a deposit
Onion on doorstep

Number two, of course
Unlucky number for trees
I don t mean to brag

No coffee filters
Take from Peter to pay Paul
Wiped my ass with them

He has no burgers
Got a sizable wiener
Likes it in hot buns

Hey Darth Figpucker
Maybe you have Assberger's
That might explain it.

I drink black coffee
Only have instant right now
No coffee filters

Vietnamese drip:
that's the stuff. With chicory,
condensed milk and ice

millionaires are the only people who can get a good cup of coffee in my town. I am banned from the local cafe for repeatedly entering the establishment wearing just a necktie and sunscreen. Granted, I am certainly endowed in my downstairs regions. But seriously what gives?

Disco dancing dung
Stuck googly eyes on it
Toilet disco ball

Going back to sleep
in the hopes I wake up dead.
I could live with that.

Lately been adding
a splash of Bailey's to it
just because, why not?

I mean, alcohol
and brain damage compliment
each other nicely.

Kenyan double A
light to mild roast for my
morning wake up drug.

What kind of coffee
do you think's your favorite.
Either hot or cold.

I think you should try
Vietnamese iced coffee.
Very sweet and strong.

Meth ain't got jack shit
by comparison to it.
You'll be up all night.

I once had a spoon.
The spoon was made of sugar.
Didn't work so well.

The only filter
I use is for my Goddamn
coffee fuck shit piss.

Was it Phil Collins?
Wrote the Book of Genesis
Peter Gabriel?

The Holy Bible
Darth Figpucker edition
Printed on 2-ply

Bodily function
Activated haiku gland
Out slides the poem

In spite of it all,
beyond his anality,
Darth can be honest.

Love the bible verse.
My fave's Genesis 6:6.
You could have guessed that.

Darth ruined this site.
For that alone, GOD save him.
Or maybe kill him.

Half a dead fish head
That

Shit shit shit stink shit
Fecal filth... then, suddenly
Heaven appears: LIGHT

Hail the orifice:
from whence such haiku wisdom
(your prolapsed rectum)

hi I am going on a trip with my family for the next few weeks and I have a couple of drinks and drinks are at my house and I can get you drunk and then not be able to make it rain or so we will have a ride to the office and ya can come to pick up some stuff and then I

Realizations
Penises look like hot dogs
Vaginas are buns

Righteous poetry
Left right here for the ages
Monumental waste

Someone stole my gifts.
I shat out the messiah.
And I got nothing.

It's not gay to spray.
Unless it gives you pleasure.
That's a little gay.

This is not profound.
But then what did you expect?
Nothing ever is.

When I am nervous
I tend to write more poems
That makes me nervous

The masseuse was blind
Naturally, I asked how come
Too much beating off

Massage in bunghole
Message In bottle said FREE
Came HUGE deposit

Message in bunghole

Adrift on the sea
Lonely brown chunk. Fecal debris.

Chinese Factory
We finishing more your junk
Keep wanting more junk

Sometimes I miss them
My biggest best smelliest farts
Then I write poems

No fault of my own
Exceptionally stinky
I enjoy farting

Poem enema
Administered rectally
Where poems grow

The nervous rectums
Everybody must get stoned
Gnomes are still legal

You might save some trees
But we have to spray Febreeze
Your sewage stinx, please...

Someone come over
Rebuke these haiku demons
Bring a fly strip STAT

High pitched insect noise
Your poop spoke through parasites
Are you the Devil?

Cats pay at diners
In Newtown, Connecticut
Life is beautiful

They brought you 3 gifts
A long handled wiping stick
Febreeze and a dwarf

I was raped by God.
My poop spoke in parables.
So I flushed it down.

I suck garden gnomes.
It's not like I enjoy it.
It's for the protein.

The Great Figpucker:
Guru, Swami and Poet.
Hail, Rectal Dweller!

Throw me in the drink
Shoot me out of a cannon
Electric chair, please!