Shit shit shit stink shit
Fecal filth... then, suddenly
Heaven appears: LIGHT

Hail the orifice:
from whence such haiku wisdom
(your prolapsed rectum)

hi I am going on a trip with my family for the next few weeks and I have a couple of drinks and drinks are at my house and I can get you drunk and then not be able to make it rain or so we will have a ride to the office and ya can come to pick up some stuff and then I

Realizations
Penises look like hot dogs
Vaginas are buns

Righteous poetry
Left right here for the ages
Monumental waste

Someone stole my gifts.
I shat out the messiah.
And I got nothing.

It's not gay to spray.
Unless it gives you pleasure.
That's a little gay.

This is not profound.
But then what did you expect?
Nothing ever is.

When I am nervous
I tend to write more poems
That makes me nervous

The masseuse was blind
Naturally, I asked how come
Too much beating off

Massage in bunghole
Message In bottle said FREE
Came HUGE deposit

Message in bunghole

Adrift on the sea
Lonely brown chunk. Fecal debris.

Chinese Factory
We finishing more your junk
Keep wanting more junk

Sometimes I miss them
My biggest best smelliest farts
Then I write poems

No fault of my own
Exceptionally stinky
I enjoy farting

Poem enema
Administered rectally
Where poems grow

The nervous rectums
Everybody must get stoned
Gnomes are still legal

You might save some trees
But we have to spray Febreeze
Your sewage stinx, please...

Someone come over
Rebuke these haiku demons
Bring a fly strip STAT

High pitched insect noise
Your poop spoke through parasites
Are you the Devil?

Cats pay at diners
In Newtown, Connecticut
Life is beautiful

They brought you 3 gifts
A long handled wiping stick
Febreeze and a dwarf

I was raped by God.
My poop spoke in parables.
So I flushed it down.

I suck garden gnomes.
It's not like I enjoy it.
It's for the protein.

The Great Figpucker:
Guru, Swami and Poet.
Hail, Rectal Dweller!

Throw me in the drink
Shoot me out of a cannon
Electric chair, please!

Someone dropped a plate
Spaghetti was everywhere
Someone even cried

I will outshine you
My immaculate hinder
Toilet Paper! Wipe!

Plastic flamingo
Beeline for your tiny dink
Fresh shrimp Bubba Gump

The old garden gnome
Says he gonna blow his load
All up in your face

Spraying takes less time.
Wiping takes time and paper.
Spray to save the earth!

The head on my cock
goes up and down
up and down
up and down.
The head on my cock
goes up and down
all through your mom.

Too busy for this
He says as he sprays his bum
No time for poems

One day you will know
The secret to happiness
Is picking your nose

Climbing Mount Everest
Is an inconvenient time
To need to go poop

When I call His name
He appears, almost like magic
DARTH FIGPUCKER!!

Sex offender list
An upstanding citizen
Well, his penis is

Beatniks down in Hell
I lll be wearing my beret
And turtleneck shirt

Beatniks down in Hell
I

Fantasyland
Cunnilingus delivered
By a Giant Tongue

The cleanest anus
People came from miles away
To admire the shine

How can God judge us?
Any qualifications?
Dude has no street cred

When I get to Hell
I will read my poetry
to torture sinners.

God told me Himself.
And for all eternity
I make souls vomit.

God: "Sure, what the hell.
We need someone to laugh at."
Angels shake their heads.

Cuntfart before God.
I imitated Darth's shit.
Come on, let me in.

"Darth stands before God."
Bends over and shows asshole.
Jumps off cloud with smile.

"Vesuvius Brown":
sounds like a mid-seventies
Blaxploitation film.

Vesuvius Brown
In the morning when I rise
Sunrise offering

Have joy little Darth.
You will spend eternity
With the God of shit.