The Great Figpucker:
Guru, Swami and Poet.
Hail, Rectal Dweller!

Throw me in the drink
Shoot me out of a cannon
Electric chair, please!

Someone dropped a plate
Spaghetti was everywhere
Someone even cried

I will outshine you
My immaculate hinder
Toilet Paper! Wipe!

Plastic flamingo
Beeline for your tiny dink
Fresh shrimp Bubba Gump

The old garden gnome
Says he gonna blow his load
All up in your face

Spraying takes less time.
Wiping takes time and paper.
Spray to save the earth!

The head on my cock
goes up and down
up and down
up and down.
The head on my cock
goes up and down
all through your mom.

Too busy for this
He says as he sprays his bum
No time for poems

One day you will know
The secret to happiness
Is picking your nose

Climbing Mount Everest
Is an inconvenient time
To need to go poop

When I call His name
He appears, almost like magic
DARTH FIGPUCKER!!

Sex offender list
An upstanding citizen
Well, his penis is

Beatniks down in Hell
I lll be wearing my beret
And turtleneck shirt

Beatniks down in Hell
I

Fantasyland
Cunnilingus delivered
By a Giant Tongue

The cleanest anus
People came from miles away
To admire the shine

How can God judge us?
Any qualifications?
Dude has no street cred

When I get to Hell
I will read my poetry
to torture sinners.

God told me Himself.
And for all eternity
I make souls vomit.

God: "Sure, what the hell.
We need someone to laugh at."
Angels shake their heads.

Cuntfart before God.
I imitated Darth's shit.
Come on, let me in.

"Darth stands before God."
Bends over and shows asshole.
Jumps off cloud with smile.

"Vesuvius Brown":
sounds like a mid-seventies
Blaxploitation film.

Vesuvius Brown
In the morning when I rise
Sunrise offering

Have joy little Darth.
You will spend eternity
With the God of shit.

Darth stands before God:
"I wrote about snot and shit--
Come on. Let me in..."

At the urinal
take out your black Sharpie pen.
Draw a three-inch square.

And under it write:
"Booger Farm!" Add a booger.
Watch them multiply.

In only one week
there will be dozens of them.
Green, hairy, bloody.

All types of boogers.
A dried snot sanctuary.
You will be amazed.

Go ask yo momma.
Mosquitoes ain't all I swat.
Rosy red butt cheeks.

A young inventor,
Ann Funt, invented a cart.
It was the Funt Cart.

Next time you go poop
Put up a picture of it
On your Facebook page

At the salad bar
Onions, tomatoes, lettuce
Croutons, my booger

I enjoy farting
In claustrophobic settings
Such as this poem

How Darth spends his day
Crunching numbers, jerking off
Swatting mosquitoes

Something smells fishy
Canadian lesbians
That k d Lang tang

God wants you to die
So he can crumple you up
Throw you in the trash

It all just gets worse.
The world, haiku, all of it.
There's no improvement.

You should hate God too.
I absolutely believe.
Absolute hatred.

Jussie" Smollett WINS
Where is Mueller the donkey?
He needs a new job

Close your eyes. Relax.
Let the Orange flow into
your turbulent soul.

What fun it would be
Kicking in that orange head
He

I feel sure of it . . .
I KNOW there was collusion.
Truth does not matter.

Main stream media
spewing total constant lies
HA! HA! HA! TRUMPED!!!

Brennen the Commie
Says he got the "wrong info".
lying Bolshevik!

Voted for Gus Hall
A agent of Joe Stalin
For President.

How did this moron?
Become CIA director?
Obama the Clown!

Mueller the donkey
Wasted 25 million
Trying to get Trump

Instead a big fail
Democrat bull chit again
Egg on the rats faces

It is about time
for leftist clowns- to wise up
world class dumb chit fools..

I hope the world ends
Takes a flying fuck right off
We deserve better

God so loved the world
Gaveth us all this haiku
Smells like chicken shit

Penis Leprosy
An unpopular subject
Have some spotted dick

Those aren't suction cups.
Those are lesions from disease.
Tell your mom sorry.

I watched midget porn
Ha! They had a trampoline
She looked she stunk

Vaginas have them
They start at ten inches deep
You wouldn't know that

Bought a new midget.
She came with a free brass bed.
Jumping on it nude.