Did Buddha jack off
after his enlightenment?
If so, did it glow?

I'm asking because
I want to refill glow sticks
for kids to play with.

Popular Thai toy.
Glowing sticks of Buddha spooge.
Drink it when you're done.

My vagina's name
I call it Miss Chewbacca
A friend of Han Solo

Perpetual smile
And another one down there
It's cunnilingus!

Just a few more words
Poems to brighten your day
Have an awesome day!

Heard of Papa Smurf?
Allow me to introduce
The Great papa schmear

You ought to know
Standing at my dishwasher
Just ate a bagel

Good one, Starkitten!
Changed the lox and litter box.
Made me fucking laugh.

Okay, Stan, no prob.
The Devil would never lie.
So you must be he.

It was all kosher
Rabbi's wife's kosher dildo
Schmear with her bagel

Ok, this is Stan
Settle down there Figpucker
I am the DEVIL

Behold: Jesus flesh!
A bit old -- salmonella.
But better than Spam.

Like an abused wife,
You'll crawl back, begging for more.
And I'll flop it out.

Behold: spaghetti.
no semolina half-truth
but Christ's love made flesh

'Tis I, Figpucker.
Been putting marijuana
in Girl Scout cookies.

Girl scouts? That title
is itself quite divisive
and gender-rigid.

''Tis I, Starkitten
Been eating Girl Scout cookies
Nom nom nom nom nom

For you're a zombie
Sleeping seagulls, double bed
Reverend Blue Jeans

Spaghetti Monster
You pushed me over the edge
The bottomless pit

I'm giving it up
There just isn't any point
Good luck with your life and the rest of the year and the first half of the day tomorrow and the other side of the moon and back to the future and down the road to recovery and here and there and everywhere and every which way but loose

Paranormal goats
invisible tin cans. clang!
Hella annoying!

Truck driver haiku
Someone's tied up in the back
5 syllable horn

Dear Darth Figpucker,
Take a break from your hard work
Come see my etchings

Beavis recites:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiztNZ3KdvA

Spaghetti monster
in the sky with a side
of hot garlic bread.

If I had a soul,
I'd trade it for some coffee.
Too much work to do.

Wrong medication
But has pleasant side effects
Hard ons and poems

Good luck with haiku
Mine always gets so hairy
Oily residue

Visit my museum
Curated foul body odors
We're always open

Round triangle shit?
I guess that would have to be . . .
Your next haiku verse !

Just ordered pizza
What is round, then triangle
Shit out as a log?

Quick, get your pants on
Someone's knocking at the door
17 Feet tall!!

To Darth I would say:
"See you in hell" except that
I will not be there.

steaming up the car
Hot automobile coitus
Hey, Get a garage!

God is a big god
A real big bad daddy-o
Well, Almighty Then!!!!

God has been on point
The big question of the day
When will He smite us?

When you wake with wood
Get your priorities straight
Fear the termite

Bad ju ju they said
when I picked up the onion
And broke the window

Just looked in toilet
My next haiku is complete
I'll just leave it here

Brexit means Brexit.
But what the fuck does that mean?
We have no idea.

The worst sin of all
is enjambment in haiku
like a train orgy.

Each end connected
to the other like a long
VD conductor.

Jesus forgive me
for all the horrible things
I've haikued about.

And for using the
word haiku in the past tense
as though it's a verb.

Unforgivable.
I guess I'm going to hell.
I'll make it worth it.

*Jerks off on Bible*.
Like A Clockwork Orange movie.
The book was better.

Talking to myself
Now, arguing with myself
Leave, and don't come back!

Monkey meat meltdown
Pervert flying carpet ride
Pilot Mardones

Do not be faithless.
I absolutely believe.
in absolute hate.

Virtual IP.
I have to use it for work
logged in for clients.

And for monkey porn.
Would you like my home address?
Watch me masturbate?

Stores run by monkeys.
They can never find the price.
So they can't sell stuff.

I walk out hungry.
But I saved a bit of cash.
Monkey meat tonight?

'Anonymous Poet'
is data-driven robot
algorithm. Beep.

Despite what they say,
rats do not taste very good.
BBQ sauce helps.

Invisible man.
Fairy tales and miracles.
Ancient and silly.

Where's your vagina?
My God, it sealed itself up!
Now that's rejection.