Keep slapping that ham,
oh grand Sensei of Haiku.
May it help your verse.

Free cassettes? Right on.
ABBA, Pink Floyd... forget Bjork.
I'll use my Walkman.

Turning to butter
Penis slapping. Running top speed
You'll never catch me

Human Pyramid
Bulimic Cheerleader Blows
Laxative Lava

The drunken in laws
I pissed in their lemonade
I watch them drink it

Sometimes when I run
My penis slaps my legs hard
Then I run faster

Seeking employment
Acceptance in the workplace
Got a smelly bum

Fill out all the forms
Magazine subscriptions come
Never pay for them

Lonely at the top
Haiku misers! Hoarders, all!
Just what will it take

The Real Starkitten
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow
I am Starkitten

Ten Penny Henry
Extra penny for your thoughts
They verge on dirty

There is soup in my fly
Creme d Trousertrout

Wardrobe Malfunction
Waiter, there

Columbia House
Free cassettes for VHS
ABBA, Pink Floyd, Bjork

Escargot leaves trail
Are we there yet? No, not yet.
Are we there yet? Soon

Enjoyable when you are hella baked
Like Funyuns and basically all food

I would imagine
This website

I hope v.h.s.
is still alive and typing.
he seemed so depressed.

How much puck would a
Figpucker puck if a Fig
pucker could puck fig?

Kitten versus star:
Feline musings wander far
Bookish avatar

More verse about Trump...
greatest statesman and leader
since old Abe Lincoln!

A morning quickie:
getting it on with my muse
Thanks love, that was fun.

Under surveillance
No ordinary pervert
Dad's got a hard on

Books were overdue
LIBRARIAN STABS BOOKWORM!
Throw the book at him

Quiet Library
Clicking of high heels. A scream.
Murder Mystery

I'm gonna catch heck
Leaving this tremendous poop
In your toilet bowl

Origami Fold
Defecate Japanese style
Delicate brown bird

A wall made of bricks
Each one gold. Each one I shit.
Tremendous, my bricks.

Nasal Spelunking
Bring home a green souvenir
On your fingertip

Where is Figpucker?
Joined the priesthood?Arrested?
Need some of his sass

Neurotic liberals
As far as the eye can see
Projecting their peeve

Get well soon, poet
Prescription Refillable
Healing Syllables

Crud won't go away
I'll stay home again today
Call or text, okay

Admit your mistake
Voting for Angry Orange
What were you thinking?

Racists hate Cheetos.
Haters hate our president.
(We know he's a saint.)

Spiritual gas
Rising sky high from my ass
This poop soon shall pass

Survival Food Kit
One fat mama cass sandwich
With a moistmaker

Old cunt lips flapping
Mud flaps on grandad's pickup
Grandma rides shotgun

When you are the best
The best part is the best smell
That comes from your farts

Pizza is my friend
Circle triangle yum yum
Chomp chomp fart fart fart

Appreciation
Couldn't they show it just once
No. Shit in their soup.

He farted toothpaste
Freak of nature. Minty Fresh.
Smelly Cavity

Kimono Bad stain
Ancient Japanese Secret
Use toilet paper

Vagina Sniffer
The pay stinks. the cunt stinks too
Nose to the grindstone

Potato hard on
Ejaculating Spud
Potato stick spew

Everlasting Fart
Dense cloud hovering, drone like
Mission Accomplished

Crumble stale Cheeto
Defective and past shelf life
Bloated, racist pig

Here lies Swollen Gland
Buried with his dick in hand
Death Boner unplanned

Only Indians
are truly spiritual.
We white men are not.

Standing on the corpse
Activated ding dong nerve
Funeral postponed

Shogun of hung low
Lost his danoinks with one blow
From the Blunderbuss