Boring-ass Haiku:
Count Japanese syllables
Then ask: What the FUCK?

When I was married
Tried to iron the wrinkles
On husband's penis

A costly divorce
(Blush) He was hung like a horse
Took to the cleaners

A Wrinkle In Time:
movie filmed in Wakanda
I'll never see it

Original text
Was full-on Anglo-Saxon;
Disney fucked it up.

Anything for love
Guys, He ain't a cannibal
Tofu! No Meatloaf!!

No he won't do That
But he sure expects a lot
By the dashboard light

Lobster Thermidor
Now it coats the bathroom floor
Sudden Downeaster

Funny thing, Rockland, Maine
From where my grandmother came
I won't say her name

Damn river turned brown
Michael Flatley is in town
Lord of the Shat Pants

From Shitkakago
Out pops the Cork in his bum
Everybody run!

well the spam eggs spam
sausage with gyros spam beans
refried plantains and

spam are off

damn it is someone
writing a scatological
poem novel?

Hear my sexy dream
Making love. Windows all steam.
Talk Dirty! Mr. Clean!!

Have you ever fucked
A priest up the ass with a
Flaming broomhandle?

Take two Hail Marys
And call me in the morning.
Communion: Pringles

Haiku birthed Haiku
into another context
My mom yelled: DINNER !

Catholic Civil War;
My Protestants be all like:
"Yo that shit FUNNY"

All those fart haikus
and excrementality --
yes, you are quite sick

Catholic Civil War
Oh God imagine the guilt
That one wrote itself

My silken nightie
forced to leave the Motherland
becuz we wuz KANGZ

Trump this and Trump that . . .
Damn. Can't even find my keys.
(keyless in Hell now.)

Solid Gold Dancers
Perhaps it was a mistake
Force feeding them corn

...Shitty Music Hall
It's a fecal free for all
Time for Curtain Call

The Rockettes kick high
That's when the poop starts to fly
Radio Shitty....

Hey, That's Gene Kelly
His trousers sure are smelly
Wash them in the rain!

Made the switch to tap
All that bouncing made me crap.
Wardrobe Malfunction!

Jazz hands in the air
All the right moves. Fred Astaire.
With brown underwear

Nutcracker not sweet
Got kicked out of ballet class
Reason: Smelly Ass

That Baryshnikov
He only farts when he runs
Not when he's dancing

i am about to
implode into a black hole
fuck the left, censored...

it overruns the
space, i can't think, speak breathe or
give a shit no more

Hey Buddy, Get a Room!
The Pompeii Masturbator
Past life: James Spader

We are not going to
Make Narnia great again
It was never great

Post-Apocalypse.
Cockroaches and Bad Haiku.
What's in it for you?

Build a Wicker Man
Fill it with bad ex-husbands
A real wiener roast

Obedience School
And cats in attendance?
I didn't think so

Anyone else here
Got a conjoined headless twin?
Or is it just me?

Contemplate the suck:
Boring nature imagery
Abrupt line-endings

haiku be all like
five to tha seven, feel me?
all up in your face

of John McCain's brain
there's no need to speak about
(gone to Rino-land)

That Robert Mueller
Was such a pleasant young man
Cold stone wall, no soul

today, tomorrow
the next day the day after
weeks, fortnite months years

here we go again
another prime minister
and no governing

My board was lime green
With a Pink Panther sticker
Proof of my coolness

I used to longboard
Down on the pier could go fast
Longboards are better

I loved skateboarding
Always faked getting injured
So Leif could save me

He was the cat's ass
We both had great hair
Don't get me started

Has anyone here tried skateboarding?

on vacation they
go home after labor day
giving us time off

Perfect Gentleman
Went to the Sorebonne you know
Sore in a good way

My virginity
I lost it on the golf course
A true hole in one

Not like Caddyshack
This time Bill Murray made friends
With a cute beaver

Really, Donald Trump?
Why not just wipe your YUGE rump
With your red tie

I was going to write a haiku, but now I'll have to excuse myself b/c I have to go take a shit... not I have to excuse myself for saying I was going to take a shit and not just saying "use the restroom" like a polite person would say and now I have to excuse myself for shitting my pants b/c I took too long to type this message and I guess there is just no excuse for my bad behavior.... Mommy! Come wipe me!

Dark side of the moon
Somewhere over the rainbow
Pot o ' Mind Control

Here comes Donald Trump
Raw dogging an old tree stump
I mean, Barbara Bush

Quick, Throw him in jail!
Take a guess who posted bail?
A horny peacock!