after we dial things up
a bit here, a busy tone
was heard in my mind

What did the monkey say after he farted?

I once got my penis caught in a rotary phone, but it wasn't too bad, it just pinched the skin a little bit and it was easy to get out, but it's kind of startling and unsettling to have your penis caught on something and you can get it back and then you get married and have kids and you find yourself like that all the time and find yourself wishing for the days when getting your penis caught in the dial of a rotary phone back in the days when sex-talk 1-800 numbers were just getting started and you borrowed your mom's credit card to see what it was all about and find yourself hugely disappointed like when you first bought sea-monkeys or x-ray glasses and those were made by the same scam artist. I bet you didn't know that.

now if you can have
a discussion about rotary
phones then we can talk

I bought one of those new fangled calculators that have the cell phone numbers of all the local deities stored in them, but it cannot tell me what the word fangled means. I don't think it has anything to do with werewolves or vampires. I knew a guy that said he was a vampire and he liked to wear edible candy underwear even though he was single.

What did the monkey say after he farted?

charles bukowski is
putting his hands on his head
right at this moment

Testicular fortitude
fortress of solitude
sand castles and sea monkeys
picking sea lice off each other
and the sand crabs that your girlfriend caught
for you to eat out at a fancy no-pant restaurant
with her aunt and uncle and Simon and Garfunkel
Funk and Wagnalls wagging funky counter private parts
at Webster's grandma who thinks it's funny anyway.

What did the monkey say after he farted?

At the dinner table say:
"Could you please pass the gas."
And see what people do.

You can't go mad if you are already there.

the thing about say
wonderland is they'd go mad
wondering why I

am there

'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: 'we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.'

peace vs pieces, you
cannot reason with madness
only try to cure...

Dying's not so bad.
Hippies do it all the time.
Tie-dye... badda boom.

if you want to place
others to the sword be quite
prepared to die by

it too

now the "people" are
polarized and the worries
are quite civil...war

we may have more sane
and concrete enemies than
the fowl beasts of earth...

Oh my God, the chickens got out!
When they learn to put knives on their own spur claw without humans doing it to them, is the day the human race will meet its doom. They will slit our throats in unison and KFCs will be burnt to the ground. I've been trying to train them not to attack each other, but to go after the life-like human dummies in the training yard. Go for the jugular. They love me though. They will never turn on me. Don't worry.

i brought out my dark
side to play with for a while
hes in the closet

outgrowing the dead
prisons of life that distract
like dive bars of life

some people make the
petty things in life more a deal
than they should be

perverts, extroverts
introverts, ambiverts, and
vodka martinis

the internet was
a lonely place at the start
and can be these times...

one day all these posts
will just be here, staying here
who or what reads them?

what kind of haiku
are made in china, sold say
by a wal mart store?

buddha decided
to drop in on china to
put some ideas taown

free vbucks

haikus are from ja
pan and they are like poems
they are from japan

if i can come to
understand another word
my mind alters so

Jeg ser på som to
Trær vokser inn i himmelen
Og de blir et tre

i didnt need drugs
i had saturday morning cartoons
and plumbers that got
bigger when they ate mushrooms...

go ask alice when she is 10 feet tall

Nothing shocks me now.
Unless I put my finger
in the light socket.

I actually like getting shocked, as strange as that sounds. The buzzing, tingling, teeth clenching like tripping on acid for two seconds until you let go and the clan just killed two pigs and a goat for the big fiesta and I'm going to eat some mushrooms and be as obnoxious as possible and hit on my wife's friends and cousins when she's not looking and I'll just blame the drugs, although it's not really the drugs b/c it's preplanned and if you never sin then Jesus died for nothing so it's okay. Have you ever skateboarded on shrooms? No, I guess you never have nor will and I understand. Not everyone climbs mountains and talks to shimmering bushes and does what the bushes tell them to do but they should. I mean, it's that or the fucking TV! Take your pick.
When my children are enraptured with Youtube video game commentaries, I chase them out of the house and tell them to go steal something, do drugs, or throw rocks at old people. One of these days they will listen!

how much is shocking
when shocking is not shocking
i find that shocking

Food porn toots my horn.
You want it but can't have it.
Unless you are rich.

i heard a lot of
talk about nibiru from
conspiracy nuts

some folks younger than
me work circles around me
i bug the bb
generation, there's hope
and theres steely dan

gen x knows too much
is never enough, greed is good
claimed some well dressed fool

american psycho
has given way to mtf
not that i mind...

Is an ex-porn star
considered Ex-XXX?
Once one, always one.

Jesus! Streets signs and store fronts and cars and busses... and fuck it... too much shit for me to deal with. Goddamn Google!

do you like your food
porn well done, raw or medium
well said Reagan

i was getting a
bit concerned you were dead I'm
glad it is not so...

so to get you bitch
bitch bitchy buddy? about
time you showed up...here's

a fleshlight for you

You doing porn now?
Referring to XXX.
Nice to be employed.

to long for a day
where the worst things to bitch on
was cafe' food...amen

irony rusted
iron turned to dust ironic
ideas powdered

it all comes to one
last something, hurrah, then tge
true story begins

conspiracy fades
into myth like faith, deeds, magic
tragic past life

A moth came whispered
Everything to me in time
Twitching in cocoon

the day passes, the
story continues for some
and ends for others

i can hear BOOM in
the air and I thought the day
would drag on but no

I have a day off
and the weather does not take
days off on tuesdays...