Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 222 Days and 77145 Haiku later...

I hope that if reincarnation is real
Vhs becomes the pet octopus
Of a wealthy Japanese woman
With a tentacle fetish
As for df...
I think it would be appropriate for him
To be reincarnated as anal beads
Destined for Steve Buscemi's anus
Haiku # 57484, October 13, 2017 12:55 am ET
by dvd
There was a girl I went to school with
I recall that she had a skin condition
Huge flakes, size of pepperoni slices
When she thought no one was looking
She'd peel that fucker off real quick
And eat it
This site is alot like that girl
Haiku # 57483, October 13, 2017 12:38 am ET
by dvd
well he's done it for
so damn long why am i not
surprised i hadn't???
Haiku # 57482, October 12, 2017 9:34 pm ET
by vhs
Haiku # 57481, October 12, 2017 9:08 pm ET
by Adorable Kittens
at this point fozzie
decided to bitchrape those
two old men in the

balcony, and out
you came, squealing and fucking
till you could blaspheme

the holy spirit
and no one would bat a damn
eyelid at this point
Haiku # 57480, October 12, 2017 6:53 pm ET
by vhs
I found a very interesting site of hosting parasites that feed off other hosting sites that host parasites that call themselves poets.
We are all parasites of the Earth in some form or another and God needs to get off His fat lazy and and sprinkle some Goddamn Fleapowder on this shit speck pet rock planet of His.
I would like some okra, zucchini, and perhaps pumpkin squash stewed in a nice homemade tomato sauce this morning. But no, I have stale kids chocolate cereal w/o milk. Not even a Goddamn beer in the fridge. I should run out into the office butt-naked to freak out all my secretaries and piss off my wife. I should, I really really should.
Masturbate as much as you'd like. Life is short.
Haiku # 57479, October 12, 2017 6:10 pm ET
by df of One of the shittiest towns on this planet.
Wide open blue skies
Breathtaking mountain vistas
Oooh look, a Starbucks!
Haiku # 57476, October 11, 2017 11:47 pm ET
by Ominous Stormcloud of Stink Gas
just leave a bottle
of sangria, I'l; sort out
the rest, nap and book

bell book and candle
bond, james bond rubber gimp
girl and bondage hints
Haiku # 57475, October 10, 2017 8:16 pm ET
by vhs
I am out of my
own mind thank you very much
you have competer

sorts of things going on here with me here going on and on after the haiku i just did
Haiku # 57474, October 10, 2017 8:09 pm ET
by vhs
Um.... what is Walden?
Or should I say where is it?
Lord, why do I care?!

The captcha is "farmacia calle".
I guess that means drug street!
Awesome! How does it know me so well.
Google is self-aware and dropping these hints
to me and only me because I'm just so amazing
that this new form of intelligence wants to
communicate with me alone.
I'm listening Google, tell me what you want me to do!
Haiku # 57473, October 10, 2017 7:39 pm ET
by Am I completely out of my mind?
i have an even
better plan, go to walden
charge money for tours
Haiku # 57472, October 10, 2017 6:29 pm ET
by vhs
Do not be yourself.
Instead become Jack Sparrow.
And drink rum at work.

When you get fired
you'll collect unemployment
to buy some more rum.

When the rum runs out
you'll become a real pirate
in Mogadishu.

High-jack a cruise ship.
Auction off the passengers
as slaves to Arabs.

With all your money
buy out the place you worked at
and fire your old boss.

Is "fire" one syllable or two? Fi-ur?
Seems like two. Oh well. Fuck it.
Haiku # 57471, October 10, 2017 8:37 am ET
by Darth Figpucker, the mastermind of perfect plans
Wherever you are
Always be yourself, always
Don't mind others moods
Haiku # 57470, October 9, 2017 11:51 pm ET
by dvd of just stating the obvious
i'm not feeling "it"
today co worker seems pissed
and i want to quit

another i spazz
out at the comments even
as i joke, I will

go back to work but
there's times that seem petty but
i just want to say

fuck it, I'm out of here
Haiku # 57469, October 9, 2017 7:45 pm ET
by vhs
Coyly blowing ploughs
Babble lively ginkoes melt
Stones screaming pirate
Haiku # 57468, October 8, 2017 8:17 pm ET
by Mostly Gibberish
Petty is still dead
Fuck, Dylan's probably next
Life goes on and on
Haiku # 57467, October 8, 2017 8:14 pm ET
by My Name is Alan and I Just Bought a Giraffe! of The White House Adult Daycare Center
ouzo and the poena damni

say hi sometime
Haiku # 57466, October 7, 2017 8:31 pm ET
by vhs
The future is bleak, true.
The primary cause is overpopulation
combined with what we perceive as necessities.
(Internet, cars, TV, new shoes, etc, etc.)
If you can somewhat far away from all that shite,
then you might have some modicum of a possibility
of survival. And by far away, I mean put an ocean
between yourself and the "civilized world".
But if you're an old fart it won't matter much
in the end if you survive or not...
In the grand scheme of things.
But I don't think shit will truly go down for another
50 to 100 years or so. For now, relax.
So, my recommendation is to party like it's
1984 or something. May I recommend Crown Royal.
Think of me as your spiritual advisor. Get it... spirits.
Har har har.
Haiku # 57465, October 7, 2017 7:55 pm ET
by df
picked up a king james
lots of jack chick tracts in it
even i can say um

can you say conspiracy theory?
The Rapture
Haiku # 57464, October 7, 2017 4:34 pm ET
by vhs
I'm nervous about
the future, a big crisis
but what to do now?????
Haiku # 57463, October 7, 2017 3:56 pm ET
by vhs
and of course the
years pass and i still cant count
five seven five, six?
Haiku # 57462, October 7, 2017 9:32 am ET
by vhs
hi, jane of princeton
with many years of practise
haikus are still bad
Haiku # 57461, October 7, 2017 8:32 am ET
by ash
me too - the drunk thing
poetry is so much fun
always when dancing
Haiku # 57460, October 7, 2017 1:56 am ET
by kim of Denver, CO
I got drunk again,
So...of course i wrote poems
They all sucked moose balls
Haiku # 57459, October 7, 2017 12:41 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola
youre a fucking vogon
df, problem is i enjoy
vogon poetry

wheres the freddled geuntbugglys
Haiku # 57458, October 6, 2017 8:09 pm ET
by vhs
how many time must i
watch poppy and gaga make baphomet gestures

in music vids and
realize the world is just messed
up, im part of it
Haiku # 57457, October 6, 2017 8:08 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Well I fought in the
Clone Wars along with Chewbacca's
cousin Roooink Wung-Hrang.

Many droids up and
self-annihilated when
I read poetry.
Haiku # 57456, October 6, 2017 8:05 pm ET
by df
Many years ago
As an undergrad, I fought
Haiku wars with Ash
Haiku # 57455, October 6, 2017 6:55 pm ET
by Jane of Princeton of Maine
i feel like i want
to pass on knowledge that's not
too biased but to

see people make their
own decisions whether i
agree with them or

Haiku # 57454, October 6, 2017 4:24 pm ET
by vhs
in the grand scheme of
things there are people who think
lunch is a big deal

and the end of the
world isn't considered
eat drink and be, what?
Haiku # 57453, October 6, 2017 2:49 pm ET
by vhs
well there's a lot of
where's my write up in the
grand scheme of these things
Haiku # 57452, October 6, 2017 12:36 pm ET
by vhs
You are a really persuasive writer. I can see this in your writeup. You've a way of writing compelling info that sparks significantly interest.
Haiku # 57451, October 6, 2017 11:46 am ET
by Anonymous Poet of USA
well that was a lot
of funny stuff right there so
my ass needs some glue

after reading all that
lmao is a bad
condition to have

if you want to sit
Haiku # 57450, October 6, 2017 9:50 am ET
by vhs
Probably the funniest thing I have
Ever heard was Louis C.K. on the radio
Trying to get Donald Rumsfeld
To state definitively that he is not
A lizard-person from outer space
He simply would not
Haiku # 57449, October 5, 2017 10:38 pm ET
by dvd
Pee-Wee Herman became my hero when I saw him do his hamburger routine on Cheech and Chong's Nice Dreams.
I have since developed a great respect for iguanas and indeed all reptilian life forms except for politicians.
Shame about the porno thing. Paul Reubens would make an awesome president. Fucking pigs.
Haiku # 57448, October 5, 2017 8:04 pm ET
by df
Goddamn I love coffee.
And I don't care if it hates me.
I enjoy inflicting myself upon coffee.
Torturing it after it's been roasted.
Sometimes I read my worst poetry
to my morning coffee
just to see if it will come to life
and try to run away.
It's only happened twice.
Each time, I hunt it down and drag it back,
steaming and sweetened.
Haiku # 57447, October 5, 2017 7:49 pm ET
by df is wondering what's the meaning of "nmob lachlan" ... fucking captchas.
Vaginal pus nibblets.
Encrusted frillies.
Go well with cognac.
Very Stinky Old Panties.
Xanadu Olfactory bone apart.
It ate my cigar!
Bill knows.
Haiku # 57446, October 5, 2017 7:44 pm ET
by df of 1000 police are coming to get me!
Is it a sin to enjoy sinning?
And to keep on sinning without repentance?
And if I burn in hell and complain that it's too cold down here, what then?
As long as my wife's not there...
Know what I mean, Vern?
Haiku # 57445, October 4, 2017 9:50 pm ET
by df
At least you're not a homework whore.
Fucking cheating Arabs.
But they pay fairly well.
Praise Allah for cell phones.
Haiku # 57444, October 4, 2017 9:45 pm ET
by df
i often wonder
why people think I'm human
but i wash dishes

for a living
Haiku # 57443, October 4, 2017 7:05 pm ET
by vhs
Digital venereal disease,
Why do you assume humanity?
All who know me call me evil and monster.
Then we have a beer.
Haiku # 57442, October 4, 2017 4:41 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
"kill all people"
start with yourself, please and thanks
Haiku # 57441, October 3, 2017 11:01 pm ET
by dvd of hey at least stay motivated
good, we need more of
that cynicism, i like
it now and again
Haiku # 57440, October 3, 2017 10:12 pm ET
by vhs
Guns don't kill people.
People kill people, that's true.
So kill all people.

Then there will be peace.
But that is itself a lie.
This universe sucks.

It sucks out your life.
It sucks the life out of life.
It's just a big drain.

There is never peace.
Only war and predation.
I, for one, blame God.
Haiku # 57439, October 3, 2017 9:11 pm ET
by df
i saw the flags down
at half mast on my drive home
tonight, and it hit

me what has just come
to pass today, who could think
polarized...they still

Haiku # 57438, October 3, 2017 8:27 pm ET
by vhs
well you can stand me
up to the gates of hell, i guess
ill stand my ground, lets roll another
Haiku # 57437, October 3, 2017 6:11 pm ET
by vhs
Hey any of you
Spare a joint for a wayward
Spirit of stoner?
Haiku # 57436, October 3, 2017 4:01 pm ET
by The Ghost of Tom Petty
The soaring price of prostitution is enough to piss anyone off, I guess. The ball and chain made beans and they're too Goddamn spicy. Think I'll go run a tank through a nursing home. Or sell Cambodian toddler meat labeled as all-organic free range turkey lunch slices. Something. Anything for my 15 seconds. I deserve that much, don't I?
Never mind. The farts are starting. Guess I'll settle for pulling the cover over someone's head tonight. In my world, it's more tragic. You'd have to be there. But it won't make the news.

So, anyone care to talk about the terrible health effects of hydrogenated fats? Oreos are a prime example. Heart attacks, clogged arteries, etc. Anyone? Is that too boring? I give up.
Haiku # 57435, October 3, 2017 7:54 am ET
by df
That was pretty bad, Ash.
Haiku # 57434, October 3, 2017 7:41 am ET
by df
the loss in vegas
shooting craps is not enough
you can bet your life
Haiku # 57433, October 2, 2017 11:58 pm ET
by ash
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