You must remember:
Each time you kill a kitten
God will masturbate.

If you were a lobster
and you snipped off my penis,
you would be my wife.

Football holiday
for America. You'll be
drunk before kick off.

If I were a lobster
and I snipped off a penis,
I'd get on T.V.

I hate dropping eggs
hangovers with sticky feet
and grumpy bastards

I have my blowtorch
an omelet punches my sock
everyone is mad

Orville and Wilbur
Stick propellers up yer arse
Because I flew first

There is never truth.
The internet is pure lies.
Only lies come out.

Then the truth comes out.
It comes out of the closet.
The truth is I'm gay.

Coming out feels good.
Feels as good as coming in.
Coming in your ass.

I banged a fat chick.
'Twas in an elevator.
I did a bad thing.

It was very wrong.
Wrong on so many levels.
So many levels.

Quiet please. Stand by.
Because sooner or later
The truth will come out.

No tiger hugging
Also no tiger taunting
They will mess you up!

炎は燃え
動物園よくない
象のおかげ

Honō wa moe
Dōbu~tsuen yokunai
Zō no okage

Flames burn
Zoo not good
Elephant thanks

five dollar green bill
I would gift you it for free sir
Tiger feast great show

Yes, I would and have.
Hugging tigers is easy.
Only cost five bucks.

Mama es loco .
Yo quiero un poco.
Miercoles Sol.

Tiger wants a hug.
Would you dare do such a thing?
Sad lonely creature.

象戦う
自然発火のみ
この間

(Zō tatakau
shizen hakka nomi
konoaida)

Translation: elephants fight
spontaneous combustion only
during this

Acceleration,
jerk, jank, snap, crackle, and pop.
I don't need this slop.

Find And Replace Text.
Fart dot E X E command.
It farts on demand.

Go to heck spellcheck
Thwart me not fickle feck
You are not helping

I'm going to work.
At work I will drink coffee.
For this I get paid.

I don't like counting.
There are too many numbers.
Lets get rid of some.

For us sober ones
to laugh at all their antics
and thank God we're sane.

God has given us
So many ways to get high
I ask myself why

But you haven't lived
until you've snorted kitten.
Check out this here bloke:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyJf6deLit4

I mean, come on now!
You say "who smokes lots of meth"
like that's a bad thing!

Although meth is fun,
I much prefer the new fad:
freebasing caffeine.

Pippity poo poo
I posted on Internet
Famous forever

Reading this site now,
like talking to an old friend
who smokes lots of meth

Whilst performing the expulsion of unutilized nutrients, unintentionally high decibel methane releases excite late-adolescence gender-confused females neurologically stimulated by 1,3,7-trimethyl-1H-purine-2,6(3H,7H)-dione in the adjecent enclosure located within close audible proximity (previously engaged in nonchalant reciprocated groping and aggressive osculation upon a pre-owned divan) into bursting with uncontrollable guffaws.
Yes, it was I. Be not jealous.

Fat cellulite thighs.
They wobble over my face.
Farts inflate my lungs.

Over the same ground
so many others have walked.
Maybe some will run...

A field of new snow,
once trod upon by others...
I walk a new path

Who knew I was here?
The snow erases my tracks
soon after I leave

Shatner was the best.
None of that "engage" bullshit.
Yea America.

Speaking of vomit,
You ever get oral sex,
and she pukes on you?

That is good because
your vomit inspires me to
write more bad haiku

So carry on

Your haiku are bad.
I mean really fucking bad.
They make me vomit.

Prefer hot or cold?
Difficult to chose. Too much
of either, you lose.

frozenobyte @cenobyte
Wow! Is that more snow?
Winter forecasts are a bitch.
Snow, Cold, Cold, Snow, Fuck.

Hey. Turn up the heat.
Motherfucking feet are blue
God, I hate winter.

They will not eat us.
Think about the foreign germs.
We'd give them the runs.

I want to believe
Others from another world
Won't want to eat us

UFO Utube
Pure truth documentary
deep conspiracy

so you're trying to
tell me that dark matter is
shit? that would explain

quite a bit

What is wrong with me?!?!
That was an eight, seven, five.
I'm just a douchebag

that cannot count.

Hey, look at me... I'm imitating someone else who can't fit their haiku in standard form.... I'm so cool!...

What do you call it when a douchebag imitates a dingleberry?
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Stupid!

I'm it ation that is not flattery is called sarcasm that goes splattery like the runs, I'm having funs with my incontinent buns. It doesn't fecal matter. Dark fecal matter. Call Carl Sagan, oh shit, he's dead. But he was hot when he lived. I'd have tapped that ass... filled him up with billions of billons .... just kidding.

Is it insanity if you know you're insane?

Seven, Seven, five.
Oops! Send me back to preschool.
Will they change Depends?

What's does an old man taste like?
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Depends!

Mandingleberry Ebola.
Toxic skidmarks stain my soul.
Right next to my hole.

Dingleberry pie
Complete with douchebag icing
Simply delicious

Ditto! So you can please
take your own Goddamned advice.
And shut the fuck up!

Keep your opinions.
Shove them way deep up your ass.
Maybe they will sprout.

What tree would then grow?
It's a dingleberry tree!
You'd own an orchard!

Because of all the tiny little opinions you throw at ppl, each a seed planted in your fat old lilly-white ass growing a giant dingleberry tree!

Opinions are like assholes-- we've all got them and no one wants to hear yours.

Shame may make you feel
Only pain makes someone real
So then squeal pig squeal