all right all right you're
an avant garde writer who
"lives the life" Jesus...

we get it, glad you're
back, get it together get
paper on the shelves

Oh shit, I'm evil.
The most evil man alive!
I flipped off a nun!

(No, not really, but this is worse!)

Evi1--A Novel About You by Darth Figpucker

Prostitutes and beer.
Sun, surf, snorkeling, and "sins".
sinsemilla bud.

A place to be me.
I think that's what I'm craving.
Or perhaps needing.

I should not be here.
But is there a better place?
Prison or the beach.

oh, lamentations
these are the least of a day
subscribe to my blog

perfect ablutions
yet again my ass doth itch
insurmountable

random numerals
and street address epithets
decipherable

netbot protection
provided by a netbot
reCaptcha this, dick

wind behind my eyes
palpitations troublesome
this is my sunrise

I've heard that old joke
before, but to take the slums
out of a person

before one goes on
outside the body and then
so on and so forth

We're all fucking doomed.
If we don't clean up our act.
Also the planet.

and there;s the coda
we didn't start the fire
applies to now too

historical change
events day after day, leaves
marks on the psyche

and time marches on
so another year older
yet none the wiser

Take your vitamins.
Winter time is upon us.
Boost immune system.

Now here's one for you:
Read Transmetropolitan.
It's a comic book.

The main character
is Spider Jerusalem.
He's a journalist.

It's in the future.
He's like Hunter S. Thompson
holding a ray gun.

Except the ray gun
will make you shit your trousers.
That's literally.

A "Bowel Disruptor".
That's what the ray gun is called.
I need one of those.

never awake lit
high with a little help, son
everyone's thirsty

neurotransmission
serotonin, dopamine
all the same to me

how slight is the nudge?
coffee is noncommittal
try some dexedrine

seems our little web-
site here was born in scorp like
i was, how fitting...

yes you seem to have
a thing for poets like harry
s truman did for

generals, why he
absolutely hated ike
yes plain speaking bull...

well i haven't read
Geek Love underlined
yet, but like those sorts

of books one time and
one place, catcher in the rye
and all that cal

You forgot Geek Love.
It has freaks and chickens too.
With incest to boot!

Katherine Dunn kicks ass.
Despite being a poet.
No one is perfect.

Ursula from the
Horsehead Nebula; she's a
giant douche like me!

Douches are useful.
We clean out stinky pussies.
For men with small dicks.

coffee is the most
important sacrament with
or without sugar

it is sex, drugs, and
the best come down from all the
naked lunches and

clockwork oranges
and american psychos
fuck em all, I must

know my brother joe

can you enjoy or
entertain us without the
need to be a douche?

have us join in on
the act and i am glad to
I'm glad you had the

faith, or lack of, to
come back and banter, that you
slavoj? broken wings...

i am gen x and
quietly glaring at you
with your god damned chai

damn that's my damn chai
oregon chai, sweet nectar
it just is damn sweet

it's the time of the season you know and the winter of our challenge and discontnent...

bangs head in wall and
over and over must run
from hometown, prophets

are not welcome there

Barista, Latte!
Tall mocha frappuccino.
Caffeine motivate.

Real machiatto.
Espresso and heavy cream.
Heart goes thump thump thump.

Hello St. Peter.
What am I doing up here?
I'm too young to die.

Too much coffee, man.
You bleed crystals of caffeine.
And you pee Red Bull.

Now I slam the gates.
And send you straight down to hell.
That's where you belong!

Well, okay, I guess.
But do they have good coffee?
I can't live without.

Oh shit, a poem!
I can't effing believe it!
A sign of end times.

Repent, ye sinners!
I guess that means all of us.
'specially poets.

the dead rose and walked
the halls of wal mart, muck boots
on, fishing class real

Maine Zombie Lobstermen...

Which one is the best?
I mean boner pills, of course.
I don't mean haiku.

Is Viagra good?
Or do you like Cialis?
Or the herbal choice?

How hard will it get?
Can I drive it through a can?
Like a can of Spam?

Went for a long walk.
Came home, shat, showered, and shaved.
And then misbehaved.

No.

did you really have
to put a picture of two
elephants fucking?

Like Michael Jackson?
He was his inner child...
Or enter child.

The King of Pop (Tarts)
Liked to sniff little boys' farts.
That's just too wild.

This is too cheesy.
I prefer sharp to mild.
While being sleezy.

Time to bang the tang.
I can't stop rhyming, oh dang.
Now I'm using slang.

you have to grow old
but you don't have to grow up
be your inner child

we all go downhill
people say it's gravity
but attitude counts

1. A ramp/box system has a coefficient of kinetic friction of 0.218 and the box is given a slight nudge down the ramp angled at 35 degrees. Calculate the acceleration down the ramp and how long it will take to travel 5.5 meters down the ramp? Use g equal to 9.8 m/s^2. Give your answer as a haiku.

but still to think I
could like a movie like old
"starcrash" and on moved

a man to a show
with a talking car that might
have been a cylon

i don't want to post
anything because I was
like you long ago

"look at me, look at
me look at me, jokes jokes jokes"
old at a young age

young at an old age

We don't need pills that
make your dick gain three inches;
We need smaller poon!

Dali Lama and
Obama did yo momma
upon a llama.

Life on a tree limb
Like a squirrel looking for
Garbage filled with gold

I lied. All I do
Maybe brings me back to you
With donkeys in tow

I lied. All I do
Maybe brings me back to you
With donkeys in tow

I'm smelly today.
I haven't bathed in a week.
Maybe one week more.

Take your i-phone and...
shove it way deep up your ass!
(First set to vibrate.)

Look what I did!
I ate some corn for breakfast!
Posted on Facebook.

well i do that on
a routine basis for I
am mad north by

northwest

I am now going.
Way deep down inside my mind.
You'll never find me.