John Robert Crawford
Haikus so bad, they call him
Mr. Bad Haiku

so i ignore her
and before long she's asleep
curled at my feet

she sees the cat treat
yet will not acknowledge it
for it is offered

from hedge past the Olds
the hyper 'Teeq' darts onto
the warm Festiva

o bewitched feline
your tortoise shell conceals
your devilish heart

ode to a dear friend
Tequila you coy princess
how i miss your "purrrt"

ran 10K today
need a mike's hard lemonade
need to quench my thirst

I have a dark secret
It's small and round and pointy
But in a good way

My high moral ground
Can make it quite difficult
To lick your finger

Oh to be your hand
Now that summer is here
And you are shaven

Hey mister dj
Play that funky beat once more
No, the other one

The wheels on the bus
Go right round, baby, right round
Like crazy fuckers

Take one green pepper
And a handful of bacon
If you really want

The glorious boy!
See how he flexes his brain!
Like a squishy goo

If you had twelve cats
And you put them in a row
Which would you eat first?

All the church ladies
Are concealing their wedgies
That the vicar gave

What's in your trousers?
They bulge ever so slightly
Have you lost a sock?

DVD buyers
we must have you for dinner
upon our return

Little wife must check
with her six foot five husband
to buy DVD

Look.. the odd buttons
At the bottom of the screen
Now sort of make sense

the swarm approaches
stimpack! tank cannon fire!
the zergish horde dies...

survivor withdrawl
no more jenna, no colleen
subscribe to playboy

eyes glued to the screen
Britney Spears dancing about
think I see nipple

The voice of the kids
So loud, so choking... it makes
me act like i do

does any truth exist?
or is it all in our minds?
we can never know

Man I feel whacked out
Train of thought in slow motion
I need to get laid