Dang! These haikus suck!
Who would waste their time with these?
...I think I'll write one.

my quiet little
kennedy forbidden fruit
i can not have you.

I cannot believe
how much time can be wasted
ticks upon the clock

Age is a number
that ticks away the winters
waves on a shoreline

I jammed all night long
72 shots bourbon
wiener dogs zero

Safely tucked in bed
big bad wolf in the closet
grandma has a cock

Oh, the liquor feast
brings upon the morning wood
grandma has a cock

Drunken congo line
with stiff bump in the back-side
grandma has a cock

Brand new recipe
Lightly sauteed testicles
Mmm, mmm. A sack lunch

Mr. and Mrs.
Pez Dispenser, you've gotta
support baby's head

steven malkmus highs
just to get motion from feet.
just cant deliver

happy birthday mel
yet we be jammin' long time
grandma has a cock

was on the wagon
till the sun set in the west
then I dismounted

whisky soaked raisins
tossed into the birthday cake
my mother made it

fifty six years old
I was so much younger then
the day before that

Such a scorching day
it's not the weather outside
it's a bitch house mate

Huffing gasoline
Plotting array of arsons
Happily, inert

Methamphetamine
Either smoked or injected
Clawing at my flesh

Silent reverie
Pondering grotesquerie
Rob a bakery

Sophie I express my love
For you with this
Bad Haiku

reverberations
emanating from plucked strings
Rockin' with Dokken

theanthropism
god through a human prism
welcoming schism

once upon a time
i started this short story
and that's all there was

I guess I just thought
The phrase "free-form nostalgia"
Deserved a haiku.

"Man of the House" flick
is a rotting bucket of
fish heads and oysters

suitcase briefcase wall
man hails from columbia
strange reading marquez

There's no f***ing way!
Reading Garcia Marquez
Even as I type.

just could'nt shake it
the high or improper thought
i made it home okay

Bustin' moves atop
A refrigerator box
Gettin' retarded

Manipulated
Just like clay for modeling
Red state citizens

I can safely say
At the risk of sounding trite
You shouldn't have gone.

Oscar's gone Wilding
William Burroughs for morphine
Jim's a Carrolling

Gosh I never knew
My dreams had the makings of
One morbid haiku.

Motionless in fear
Before becoming aware
I have woken up.

Faceless man in hat
He has bleach and a chainsaw
One scary nightmare.

Waxing poetic
Ass drunk in the afternoon
God bless USA

Purple mesh tank top
Cut just above the navel
Sartorial bliss

All hail Breakin' 2:
[Da] Electric Boogaloo
Cinema splendor

if you wanna make
your Daddy parts orange, eat
Cheetos...watch some porn

Six turkeys running
in front of car like frickin'
awl Jurassik Pawk!

searching for answers
i gaze into my navel
but i'm long sighted

Grilled cheese is a king
and a true lover of soul
cape of golden brown

Damn, beer after beer
Shedding tears, yet there's more beer
I fear that I'm queer

Pontification
Spewing Dogma from pulpit
Lame-ass balderdash

Kinky girlfriend wants
me to suck toe, chose middle
one, it has roast beef

Smacking that blue vein
Tied off with rubber and spiked
Fare thee well for now

Piltdown Man a hoax.
Where's the bloody missing link?
Damn, dirty apeman!

Fear the hirsute brute
Horrid galloping galoot
Hair is everywhere

Apotheosis:
Dick Van Patten is a God.
I worship his work.

Halls Mentho-Lyptus,
I'm afraid you just can't scratch
That nicotine itch.