lone piper playing
thistled highlands shorn bare
moors the memory

Scots have their whiskey
but the Irish have Paddy
who's second to none

Guinness poured just right
Gaelic words rhythmically sung
don't forget your green

Dickless Dirk Douche Bag
Hapless Potato Governor
Scared of His Shadow

in room jacuzzi,
presidential suite...why not?
santa cruz was fun

well, jim...if you're here
you're here...if you're not, you're not
surf away young lad!

santa cruz has lots
of big waves, nice jacuzzis
good walks on the beach

"what's the big deal?" I'll
tell you what, ain't no big deal
to waste all this time.....

one armed, one eyed jack
no dealer needed at all
don't bust the sperm bank

lackadaisical
Friday afternoon at work
perfect adjective

one armed jack is good
can grab money handily
no dealer needed

A hot craps table
Is better than a good poo
Roll seven shooter.

serendipity
has a five syllable count
how perfect is that?

old man from Dublin
no one could quite understand
his Gaelic mumblin'

big woman from York
couldn't resist juiciest
slabs of rare pink pork

stupid ass morons
take your haiku and shove it
where the sun don't shine

you're all worthless trash.
bob and the pit: dust someday.
don't fuck with the woods.

that toothless fool bob
tried and tried but just couldn't.
Want a piece of me?

don't write about me!
I had nothing to eat there!
those evil old woods.

six days in the woods
Bob tries to eat a peach pit
poor toothless old Bob

?

babel fish thy name
is somehow so familiar
have we met before

remember thy ply
thy nactarations offon
and babel 5 fish

ookie zon 5-9
and nonsense making more sense
than sense in this age

stirring coffee i
have created a vortex
that will never stop

ash bends over, farts!
Storms in Africa, and the
Butterflies all die.

grandma's got a gland,
grandma use's xp but
grandma has a gland.

may the road meet you
may your neighbor's wife greet you
may you not get caught

i apologize
for my inability
to spell function right

using search fuction
to find words not used before
I came up with gland

zen-like poetry
drawing circles in the sand
kitty's box all clean

when you bend over
if you listen to your arse
you won't hear the sea

bed is beckoning
it calls with a siren's song
from within its depths

bad bad bad haiku
check out poetry dot com
makes this site look good

slots cyberpoker
crap tables, listen up Bung
Bung Daddy heaven

poet going off
you're a bloody bewdy bet
cheers, don't be scared

windows xp crashed -
should i "send error report"?
nah, i'll let bill sleep

it's retro haiku!
grandma's cock pops up again
and NT, once more

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

double-chin stretching
above both ears, Arial
Sharon -- Killer Whale.

Farts were once funny
till I filled cats with bean dip
and laid down the bomb

During photographs
meaty log lays on my leg
Grandma has a cock!

Polyester pants
with green floral prints reveal
Grandma has a cock!

Six vodka tonics
stale hair and cigarette smoke
double gutter ball

It's been a long year
full of fun and also fear
but not a short beer

Army of boy-bands
attract heat-seeking missiles
from star-destroyer

hair today, gone now
cholesterol turns brains off now
and makes one lose hair

bones of old lovers
could be put to some good use
basis for good stock?

i use computers
the reason i'm not clever
burning plasma death!

if i could stab you
for all of these great haiku
machete flame death!

sex with a stranger
like propositioning whores
names aren't important

senses are funny
you smell the fart i emit?
see the stink rays climb