the phantom tollbooth
signed by norton jester is
sitting on my shelf

it's too fucking hot
roasting in my pajamas
wish i had a/c

fa fa fa fa fa
fa fa fa fa i wanna
be sedated. gone

KISS blows a farewell
flickering tongue suggestive
more than kiss to cum

giving up cold pork
crossed buns off the shopping list
christmas is coming

Tonight, I shall eat:
sausage, onions, red peppers
and quaff many beers.

Tomorrow I shall
shit with the power of Thor!
Stand by for details.

the watchdog in the
phantom toolbooth has warrant
out for your arrest

hey naw, take from the
sublime, not your down time to
make up some Bad rhyme.

boredom at this desk
Bad Haiku will kill some time
but not very much

back to the foofer
k for crap, c for shit: till
someone waxes Poe.

Time blows calm across
Voices raised in simple song
Hearing everthing.

Broken nose in cast
Cause is other person's hand
Grog do the beat down!

we asstronauts write
nothing butt haikus about
Uranus; Black Holes

Kiss of life? For me?
AWESOME! If the same kiss I
am referring to..

I have returned now.
I was out mining today.
Mining my colon!

stretch swollen sphincter
disgorge a fecal froth feast
were you done eating?

Drop and rejoice, now!
My meager contributions -
mutilated verse.

I am alone now
Priest and Saint, like better men
Are gone from this place...

Small breath? Little shits?
I thought everything's bigger
in the lonestar state.

I held a small breath
little shits, water slide, laugh.
Why is beer poo stew?

I'm jazzed about breeze
wonderfully necessary
to feel sans clothing

refashion passion
phoenix rising from the ash
given kiss of life

Go Directly to
jail, do not pass go, do not
collect two hundred.

so much is taken
from my paycheck that it hurts
then I pay even more

K - K is for Kat
C - C is for cudos? no?
C is for ..... critic!

thirty-five hours' work
but soon they'll let me go home
my resurrection

lots of people write
poems with beauty in them
but not human shit

this is one i came up with waaaaay back in high school:

oh no, godzilla!
planes and guns cannot stop him
tokyo's in ruins

cudos those who aren't
stuck on the idea this
is bad toilet page

"secretly disguised
as Clerk Kunt frights an ever
bending waffle of..."

first sunday off in
thirty years and I gotta
get up at sunrise!

Ah, Easter breakfast
pork products, hash browns and eggs
long nap, monster poo

in seventh grade class
knew a girl named mariel
her breath stunk. badly.

bratty kids playing
neighbours mowing tiny lawns
ah, suburbia

bright platform sandals
imitation leather coats
how we love the mall

bustling china town
the scent of yakisoba
mingled with soy sauce

where'd you get this guy?
he's gone mad; will kill us all
oh, he's from texas

doesn't care about
arsenic in our water
bush sucks dick [cheney]

she kisses the frog
he becomes a handsome prince
in real life, a toad

a princess's cry
i will not marry that man
that prince is such a toad

a psycho killer
i like you, norman bates but
your smile scares me so

silence of the lambs
hannibal the cannibal
anthony hopkins

everything's funny
laughing until you are crying
a wee bit tipsy

foreign jackie chan
doesn't speak english but he
can do crazy stunts

My heart hurts today.
Love can truly suck beaucoup:
so would life without.

old-un "austrailun"
will never believe the world
worth anything else

to replace govt with
hardbombliners they found
a claymore in Brewer...

they kidnapped humpty
dumty, colored his shell so he
is in the egg hunt...

I O - fish - L - E
R awesome naked 2, not
R - T - fishy - L