actual haiku
the way the net used to be
ironic and free

Here comes the white lady.
Let's tell her some more bullshit...
Then she'll give us stuff.

"I must sacrifice
ALL for anthropology"
Dusk. Rustling palm-fronds...

Oh please Gregory--
At least leave me a hammock
And some potted meat...

Big doctor return.
Him come back soon soon from sky:
high-high silver bird!

Doctor Bateson say:
"Fiki fiki pa Covid.
Sabi no Covid"

Hello Crazy World!
I’m worried about Covid
I have a sore throat

You are five my fuck
shit ass little fucker man
who hair cash ringer?!

Why lordy-be, Clem--
They's a writin' about him!
Old Doctor Bateson!

No, Dr. Bateson.
Wrong, wrong, wrong on every count.
And unremembered.

Women fight and shave.
Women stand to pee. Damn straight.
Key to our success.

Give birth to your mom!
Breast-feed your own grandfather!
Be MODERN. Be FREE!

Men have vaginas.
Previously unknown fact
Now revealed as truth.

Moral of story:
Men are women and have kids
Real men menstruate.

That baby (Ukraine):
Stuck by Russian bayonet
No longer crying...

Trump got very mad.
Sent lots of arms to Ukraine...
and the baby died.

Barrack and Biden
Made a baby together
And named it "Ukraine".

Bateson married Mead.
Scrawled a lot of dull theory.
Got divorced and died.

Now, I'm twenty-five
I'm still stupid as heck though
Here's to twenty-six

Gregory Bateson
Was full of boring theories.
But he went to hell.

Cyan you GO, girl.
Omigosh get your NAILS done.
It's your WOMAN day.

Today is the day!
Celebration of my birth
I still have work tho

A dozen roses
but disguised as flatulence
Your birthday present

Darth had a sex change
I didn’t see it coming
Now it’s in my eye

municipal waste
i want thrash metal, beer, weed
but like in haiku

when it's my birthday
all i want is cheese pizza
oh shit, not like that

life slips through fingers
thorns of roses under nails
cancel my birthday

Tomorrow: Birthday!
I didn't ask for any gifts
Just for happiness

Gregory Bateson:
ethno-goofball lost at sea.
Divorced three times. Great,

Showing my true self
Evil, selfish, and unkind
Need a new mirror

The Finders. So weird.
Those spooks. . . what were they up to?
And why with children?

Getting put under
the ocean in a new pair
of cement shoes. Dull.

Getting put under
I expected to be scared
It was just boring

Another visit
and a clean page of haiku
So satisfying.

If you have a sty
In your eye then you must see
As pigs view the world.

Alan Parsons' song:
I am the stye in your eye,
Gazing at yoo-ouu...

I had surgery
There was a stye in my eye
Doxycycline

Cyan girl, what UP?
Why you always say "girl", girl?
Must mean you a man.

Old lady book club
Doomed romance and time travel
Time traveler’s wife

i don't want no scrub
a scrub is a guy who can't
get no love from me

Cyan cyan girl
It’s me talking to you, girl
I’m talking to you

Recalibrated:
The haiku hockey-star Darth.
This fig does not puck...

Rejuvenated
The poet formerly known
as Darth Figpucker

Yes, God is the Lord.
He rules and reigns over us.
And you just LOVE that.

Another shooting!
The media are on it:
Darth shot off his mouth.

Science is a myth.
Science is the enemy.
Science must be stopped.

Please trust the science.
Then you will not be afraid.
Trust. Just trust. Just TRUST.

Zen koan question:
Do bearded clams have mussels?
Shell out for answer.

Woman gives man box
Man asks if box contains fish
Just one bearded clam

Welcome to the v o i d
Nothing here but me and you
Hey!! Did you just fart?