Going for a poo.
That's what I'm going to do.
Be thinking of you.

Yes, Morris the Cat
When I hear the name
Morris
I get a feeling

Bit early for church.
Too many sins to confess?
Got an early start?

Underneath the tail
A self cleaning poop car wash
Why can't we do that?

Nine lines, three haiku.
Nine lives, cheap cat food, Morris.
Fine dine, canned dog stew.

Dog yelps make me drool.
A Pavlovian response.
Chinese lab tech perks.

9 lines of blow

Seven cups of Joe
And I'll have lines of blow
Please make that to go

You say "dog", I drool.
Been in Asia far too long.
I fart oolong.

Cloaca tickler
You have the right to remain
silent. (Bluto did it)

You went bird hunting?
Here's my poultry recipe:
Pheasant under ass.

Dogs startled by farts
chase their tails in circles
Do wolves act like this?

Legal cannabis.
China's scheme to bring us down.
Too stoned to fight back.

Ruthless little gooks.
The invasion will be swift.
All crackers will die.

You think it's not true?!
Corona was just the start.
Better nuke them now.

Pigeon on Sunday
Post church bird execution
Squib Featherplucker

Artisan meat stick
You are a tasty morsel
Darthcuterie board

I do believe that
the most racist restaurant
is Cracker Barrel.

You are so edgy.
Using the N-word like that.
Jappos would approve.

Isn't it strange how
Asians will hide from the sun
so not to be dark.

Such odd behavior.
Little yellow vampires.
Stealing others' souls.

But their twats are tight
and their prostitutes are cheap.
What more could you ask.

Waiting room. Bored stiff
Incessantly tumescent
under fluorescents

I have lost again.
Please consume my stinking corpse.
I'm no sore loser.

But please rate my corpse.
On a scale of one to ten,
How was the flavor?

All male orgies
are nowhere near as gay as
pumpkin spice latte.

I have won again!
Now to consume the corpses.
Your haiku corpses.

Haiku was once gold.
But through reverse alchemy
Haiku is now lead.

Call the S.P.L.C.
Seriously, call them now.
They owe me money.

Hey now, no racism.
Only blacks can say nigger.
And you are not black.

Haiku worse den crack.
Yo, I'm serious, nigger...
Haiku get you HIGH.

Monsieur, je vous dis
Que vraiment vous etes un con
Entre tous les cons.

Janis, Janis, HELP !
They are being mean to me.
Please censor them, please!

We had to spay her.
We didn't want the Rockettes
in our living room.

About that pet rock:
Mine was from the rock shelter.
We toilet-trained her.

Satan is a ghost.
Ghost of a long-dead insect.
And an algorithm.

Old devil is BEAT!
Ha ha ha satan has lost.
That's what makes you mad.

Did you ever hear
Lux Interior of Cramps
Sing "Surfin' Bird" live?

Mom, I just can't stop.
Can't stop counting syllables.
More Ovaltine, please!

The Anasazi
Mogollon and Hohokam
And all of their gods

Do not change your sex.
It will be hard to shop for
Underwear and stuff.

There are two genders.
Just two. That means only two.
As in not more than.

Jesus loves haiku!
I know because He told me.
We shall all wear crowns.

Sunday morning.
Get thee to a nunnery.
But leave Darth at home.

Chaka Shandara
Babakila Hungawa
Raboboboga

Stars can't stay married.
What on earth is their problem...
Is it due to their

Ah shore does love them
fresh Garfinkels an' cornpone
With some hog side-meat.

The Sounds of Silence
Bridge Over Troubled Water:
I LOVE the Monkees!

We walked in silence
That is, until I farted
And that's when you screamed

Robot vagina
How come you smell like a trout?
Big metal fish lips

Mechanical Turk
Pays one cent for each haiku
if they're about poop

Are you a Simon?
Or more of a Garfunkle?
Report back to me

She had a pet rock
Was it beastiality?
That's what the song means


Central Park squirrel
Simon and Garfunkle fuck
He buries his nuts

Drank beer; ate blue cheese.
Prehistoric salt miners.
Poo tells their story.

Detonation. Yes!
I am so excited now.
Her pussy gets me--

You know you want to.
Donate so we'll detonate
Bring peace to this earth.

If you detonate
seven nuclear warheads,
Jesus will arive.