My mind is ugly.
Tortured, inconsolable.
Filled with vile loathing.

Whose schlong is bigger,
Bill Shatner or Tom Bosley?
The age old question.

Well, I did seek help.
After Tom Bosley raped me.
My asshole's now huge!

I went to see a
practical proctologist.
He said it's hopeless.

He just looked and said,
"You'll never poop normally
again in your life."

Now I work side shows.
Man with the walk-in anus.
Come see the polyps!

That old Tom Boseley.
He did a number on you,
poor strange little Darth.

I am not a troll
But then what am I? I am.....
TOM BOSLEY'S PENIS

I am just a troll.
I suppose that's all I am.
But then, what are you?

If you fart loudly
on the Jerry Springer show,
ratings will go up.

https://www.tinypenis.com/XY38z5896

Проиграли деньги в казино?
Мы поможем их вернуть! Обращайтесь.

https://tinyurl.com/36djxnj7

I don't like TV.
I never want to own one.
They should all be burned.

Downloading bootlegs.
Have you seen Star Wars Visions?
I can't help but cringe.

If I had a buck
for every haiku I write,
I would still be poor.

I'll break that mirror.
Pretend I'm on a mission.
Not just finding cheese.

Oh fucking hell yes!
Who the hell needs blueberries?
Coffee from Benguet.

And for my next trick.
I will visit Africa.
Bring back ebola.

Orange Tang with sugar.
Not that fucking Sucralose.
Back in the real world.

The ceiling fan spins.
No memories of Hueys.
I am not that old.

Tom Bosley's penis.
All that comes out of your mouth.
And into your mouth.

But where do you get your info about it??? Some obscure sleazy tabloid archives? Maybe you slept with him once. He ruined you for all other men.

Anyway, I guess you could have worse addictions. Like trying on kids underwear in the dressing room at WalMart, and leaving them there with your skid marks in them, among other things. But I guess you're not from Connersville, Indiana. Are you?

You keep asking things.
Are you collecting data?
Getting evidence?

I'll save you some time.
A summary's good enough.
But, still a bit much...

An evil chemist/scientist develops a very strong coffee plant with about double the caffeine, but still has a decent flavor. (Pure fiction b/c caffeine is very bitter -- better coffees are not that strong.)
He makes some interesting deals and blackmails people, etc. He has a successful coffeeshop/restaurant. He rents out one of his locations for a meeting one day. Japanese businessmen planning nuclear terrorism. He doesn't report it, but uses this info to play the stock market and get rich.
He becomes very powerful. Then develops brain cancer. At one of his biomedical research centers they try something experimental on him which basically turns his brain into a computer, preserving the structure, but becoming inorganic. It nearly kills him, but he lives and becomes even more powerful. He backs up his brain in a duplicate.
While at dinner one day he is killed by a terrorist / psycho at a poetry reading. (I knew you'd like that.)
The backup brain takes over the world. Eventually it wipes out the human race and builds a space armada to take over the universe.
It does so and eventually develops ways to travel to other dimensions/universes. This goes on for a long time. Conquer and assimilate. Yeah, kind of Borg-ish.
But then finally... it becomes God. Not "a god", but God. The God. And it sees that it has to go back in time to its original universe, all powerful in our universe, but without memory.
It comes to the realization that to ever be happy it must give up being God. It goes to earth as a human and is killed by someone that he did wrong to back in the old days.
And that's all. Pretty boring. Lots of rambling and bullshit. You wouldn't like it. I'm pretty sure it's free and not too hard to find. If you don't know by now, I don't really care. I'll spare you the misery. Don't read it.

http://gorodnews.ru/jumplink.php?url=https://demontagmoskva.ru/demontazh-v-kvartire/

http://www.movable-ink-8447.com/p/cp/8e1deb36aebe601b/c?url=https://demontagmoskva.ru/demontazh-v-kvartire/

"plays with a monkey"
That pretty much sums it up.
Or: "plays with a pig"

Darth tries very hard
to be both rude and evil.
But he is just stuck.

Smoke tea, daddy-o!
Get hip to some swingin' verse.
Wear black turtleneck.

Count Lautreamont
Already covered those themes.
Go read "Maldoror".

About your book, Darth . . .
I would not PAY to read it,
but for free, maybe.

I like limmericks.
They're more lively than haiku.
And they are ALL bad.

Which do you prefer?
Waffles with maple syrup,
biscuits and gravy?

FaceBook going down.
Just like a whore in Manila.
Not that I would know.

Dragging on sessions.
Extending the time beyond.
All about money.

So many choices!
And we ask what your name is.
Five dollar price hike.

Would you like whole wheat
or just plain flour for crust?
Do you feel special?

We have all pot pies.
Turkey, beef, pork, octopus.
Just like gram gram made.

Do you like pot pies?
You can order them online.
Half hour or free.

Sometimes I like tea.
Chai tea with milk and sugar.
I'm so enlightened.

I find no info
about Tom Bosley's penis
anywhere online.

This is a problem.
How can we replicate it
without any pics?

We can rob his grave.
Yes, the penis had rotted.
But there's DNA!

We'll clone Tom Bosley.
Thousands of Tom Bosley clones!
And we'll whore them out.

But... what if it's small?
It's a huge risk we're taking.
It's all for science.

Order a dildo.
Life size Tom Bosley penis.
And shut the hell up.

You're more into it
than I am about good cheese.
You know that it's true.

"Tom Bosley's penis."
"Tom Bosley's penis again."
"Tom Bosley's penis."

Here's what you can do.
Buy a large block of edam.
Carve a life-like schlong.

It isn't dick cheese.
So I guess it's a cheese dick.
Just like a poet.

Genitalia
Is five syllables. So is
Tom Bosley's penis

I spelled it like geese
but that was autocorrect
I beg your pardon

How's tricks Figpucker?
What's going on over there
in the Philippines?

I don't mind drug ads.
But why can't they be good drugs?!
LSD and shit!

I just love your YouTube channel

David's off his meds
Someone fucked a wheel of cheese
up in Latvia

https://www.ridofdepression.com/product/clonazepam-drugs/

Where are you beatniks?
I'll be waiting over here
you gone daddy-o

When the seagull shits
and whenst the eagle doth shit
Remember these words

There's too much conflict.
Do you think there will be war?
China, I'd suspect.

Sodomy, no thanks.
Nothing wrong with selling slaves.
Plunder and pillage.

Yo ho ho and stuff.
Fly the old Jolly Roger.
Black powder cannons.

But don't stand too close.
You'll singe your eyebrows right off.
Just like Asian girls.

But no sodomy!

My girl's twat is deep and wide.
I can damn near fit my arm inside.
I'm sure her butt's a better fit.
But I'm not into fucking shit.

Good advertising.
Antidepressant meds on
a poetry site.