I never minded
when the lobsters clamped my schlong.
It kind of tickles.
But did you ever
get venomous sea urchin
quills in your testes?
by That's a fun time!
Dip in the ocean
Ruined by a hefty lobster
Clamped to the penis
A vegan for years
He suddenly craved seafood
with all the fixings
by Noticer of Seashells
When Donald Trump said
"Shithole countries," he was right.
Just stay where you are.
by More conservative each day.
Spread peanut butter
on penis. Roll in birdseed.
Befriend many birds.
by James Auduboner of Autobahn
Do you have any
coupons for butt lubricant?
You keep fucking us!
by Without having the goddamn common courtesey to give us a reach-around! of Sgt. Hartman
Farts, boogers, and poo.
The best topics for haiku.
Porn's worn and forlorn.
by You expect correct spelling from a Russian bot????
Use spell-check, doofus.
Your boring porn paragraphs
Are full of errors.
by Definatly a Russian Bot
Haiku's BACK, bitches!
Let's make haiku great again.
(don't alert the bots)
by Haiku Revival of 2021
Old Father Christmas
Can't fool me with those sandals
I know you're Jesus!
Sitting on your lap...
C'mon, nail holes in your palms?
Jesus had reindeer?
by Footprints of In the snow
Look on the bright side.
Darth Vader's not your father.
And neither am I.
by Tell your mom I am not paying child support!
A full spray paint can.
A blazing hot fire place.
At least no one died.
by This time.
My exploding balls.
Hang them from your Christmas tree.
Burning down The House.
by It had to be done. of No other way.
Darth Vader never
had an apprentice 'cause he'd
be Master Vader.
by Can't you hear the giggles!
All lies are the truth.
I flung my spooge at the screen.
Fox and CNN.
by Praise Jesus!
I hope it's covid
as I spit on door handles.
They deserve to die.
by All of them. of Yes, you too.
Nothing's more cringey
than using the word cringey.
PC cunt crackers.
by Right????
And don’t come back here
With that bad cut-and-paste porn.
It is SO cringey.
by Not Even Titillating of Tech-bots SUCK
Old earth or young earth ?
What are they hiding and why ?
Atlantis revealed . . .
by Plato of Critias
It's all a big lie:
Radio-carbon dating...
Pure propaganda!
by Dating Sites of Permian Die-off
Miscounted syllables.
Holy shit, I did it again!
Oh well.
by blahblahblah
Janis is now "away".
On vacation in Thailand.
With lots of hot boys.
by Can you blame her?
Maybe this whole site
is Darth Figpucker's madness . . .
There is no "Janis" (?)
by Pucker Up, Fig of Proverbial Fig Tree
Dang Mukbang gangbang
Drop your pants and let it hang
Cool breeze on your whang
by Spinning like a weathervane in the eye of a hurricane
Yeah, wow, this is nice.
Maybe I'll die of covid.
That would improve things.
by Then all will be right with the world. of So sayeth The Lord.
Wholesome poetry
The Bots can't tolerate it
They've been defeated!
by Long Live Bad Haiku! of Everlasting Fruit of Old Willow
Don't have a bidet
I just used the garden hose
I smell like a rose
by Multitasker of Fertilizer of the Garden
Bidet clean up time.
That's a very good question.
Too many factors.
What food did you eat?
Is it solid or sticky?
What's your anus like?
Do you like the spray?
Enjoy playing with water?
You know it feels good.
It's anywhere from
ten seconds to three minutes.
Get the most of life.
After clean up I
often get a second wave
of turds coming out.
Why on earth is that?
I guess it's because I'm old.
Never did before.
Here is my answer:
You'll have to try it and see.
Report back to us.
by Use a stop watch. of No cheating.
If you write haiku
that are then about haiku,
that's lazy writing.
And that offends God.
It also offends Satan.
And nobody cares.
We'll all burn in hell.
When there, I'll scream my poems.
Pain and agony.
I'll scream, you'll scream, we'll
all scream for ice cream, melted
poo flavored ice cream.
A flying demon
pooping ice cream into cones
of toilet paper.
Hot melted sugar
clings to your skin, searing flesh
in the flames of hell.
by What a party! of Don't even ask about the birthday cake in hell. You don't want to know.
Is Figpucker God?
If so, I present to Him
this humble haiku
by At Darth's feet of Kneeling
Tureen of goat meat
Seen in my drunken stupor
Your unflushed toilet
by Billy of Shitty Stall
How long does it take
For the clean up procedure
using a bidet?
by Andy McShathere of Waiting
According to you
I've offended all the gods
with my poetry
by Bad Haiku Poet of Weeping under Old Willow
Fortuitous fart
From across a crowded room
You followed the scent
by Passwinder Patil of Currying your favour
God does not love you.
The world sees the things you've done.
You will burn in hell.
by And I will be there reading my poems at you. of Much worse than burning, yeah?
I don't speak Russian.
Nor do I sell porn novels.
Go ask your mother.
by Darth Whorendous
Penis-shaped package.
And cash on delivery.
You call that discrete?!
by Like I will accept it! of Next time get my name right.
Haiku poetry
Delivered fresh to your door
Discreet packaging
by Old Willow Enterprises of 17 Syllable Way, just past the Old Willow exit
I think Darth's the bot
by Anonymous Poet
Dark, yellow urine
You thought it was lemonade
Asked for a refill
by Entrepeeneur of Rest Area
Hey, cut/paste text-bot:
Captcha my package, dimwit.
(Dull algorithm)
by Unplug the Bots of Live-birth Mammalian
I'll use your bidet
Do you ride it like horse?
'Cause I've got the trots
by Trifecta of Washroom Flushing Downs
Jumping roof to roof
Clearing obstacles with ease
Familiar Horseface
by Sarah Jessica Parkour
God! He sneezed on me.
Emotional tragedy!
I think I will sue!
by Oy vay, I need a Jewish lawyer.
No, i don't want your boilded bananas nor your rainbow feather dusters. Get out of the street.
by Priveldged rich asshole
Like veggie burgers,
haiku that don't mention poop...
What the hell's the point?!
by Call them highpoo
Wish you could see it.
Public restrooms with bidets.
Civilization!
by Squeeky clean!
He lost his dandy,
Yankee Doodle messed his drawers.
Donald Trump rejoiced.
by No, not his dresser drawers.
He lost his dandy,
Yankee Doodle messed his drawers.
Donald Trump rejoiced.
by No, not his dresser drawers.
But seriously
Sometimes there are poems here
that don't mention poop
by This is not one of them
Gina Carano
can use you for a butt plug.
Fart you into space.
by Who needs Space X???
