Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 340 Days and 72809 Haikus later...

I love these spam links.
They typically go nowhere.
Still hoping for gold.

Nuclear launch codes.
New York Stock Exchange password.
Lady Gaga's nudes.

Okay, I must know.
What's with you and willow trees?
Why not a fig tree?

You can pluck the figs.
And enjoy them all day long.
Be a Figplucker.
Haiku # 70990, July 19, 2021 8:27 pm ET
by Darth Figplucker. of I think they are better fresh, but dried is okay too.
Under Old Willow
I'll direct you to the loo
Fill it with haiku
Haiku # 70988, July 19, 2021 6:20 pm ET
by Floaters of Haiku
My poop does not stink.
Still my butt is squeeky clean.
Not one speck of poop.
Haiku # 70987, July 19, 2021 5:58 pm ET
by Bidet Salesman of Isle 42, Home Depot
No toilet paper
Says he uses a bidet
Sprays the poop away
Haiku # 70986, July 19, 2021 4:00 pm ET
by I. Thinx of Darth Stinx (only kidding)
So, whose turd is this?
I think I know. His toilet's
in the village, though.
Haiku # 70985, July 19, 2021 3:17 pm ET
by Noticer of fecals
Or say, could that be
Robert Frost taking a dump
this snowy evening?
Haiku # 70984, July 19, 2021 3:12 pm ET
by Jack Frost (no relation but we both were blessed with icicle shaped dinks) of Walking through the woods,carefully
Winter Snow Warning
Be Careful Building Snowmen
The Iceman Cometh
Haiku # 70983, July 19, 2021 11:57 am ET
by Hugepeen O'Kneel of Snow Bank (making a deposit)
they are all no good
but there is no worst haiku
only bad haiku
Haiku # 70982, July 19, 2021 10:27 am ET
by ash
After nearly a
quarter of a century
which haiku is worst?
Haiku # 70981, July 19, 2021 9:01 am ET
by Any thoughts?
Of course they have one.
They have whatever you want.
Because you build them.
Haiku # 70980, July 19, 2021 4:43 am ET
by It's good to be God, ain't it? of And He smelled that it was good.
When snow people fart
From where does the gas escape?
They have no anus.
Haiku # 70979, July 19, 2021 2:44 am ET
by Christmas of July
Prostitute flatus.
Also known as prosti-toots.
Some Johns pay extra.

I've never smelled worse
than farts of the evil ex.
A sample of hell.

Run with me on this.
If you make a snow woman
and she makes a fart...

That's a frosty-toot!
... okay, enough internet
for today I guess.
Haiku # 70978, July 18, 2021 6:49 pm ET
by blah blah
On the downhill slide
invest in ball bearing wheels.
It's been FUN, not ERAL.
Haiku # 70977, July 18, 2021 6:32 pm ET
by I mean real. of Damn typos.
When you find yourself
in love with a nonhuman
It's out of this world!
Haiku # 70976, July 18, 2021 12:29 pm ET
by Don't come a knockin' of If the spaceship is rockin'
By meditation
completely eliminate
your need to go poop
Haiku # 70975, July 18, 2021 11:46 am ET
by Hugh Grunt of Terlit
I'm so offensive
I lost my Farcebook account
for like the fifth time.
Haiku # 70974, July 18, 2021 4:57 am ET
by mark fuck her burg is a gaylien robot. of his wife's a Thai lady boy.
Imagine a bowl.
There's no tank or even seat.
Lastly no TP.

Bucket of water.
Carried from a long distance.
Bowls are luxury.

You don't belive me?
Go ask the old carabao
in his mud puddle.
Haiku # 70973, July 18, 2021 4:45 am ET
by The truth comes out in the end. of And a few round worms.
It's not subtraction.
It is ellimination.
Haiku # 70972, July 18, 2021 4:39 am ET
by Black light and strobes. of Disco bathroom. Can't tell if the wipe is clean.
Under old willow
I found a dink shaped mushroom
You're a fun guy, Darth
Haiku # 70971, July 18, 2021 2:46 am ET
by Noticer of fungi
If I follow you
You say it comes out a hole
But that's subtraction
Haiku # 70970, July 18, 2021 2:39 am ET
by Confused about math of Need extra help
A fart's a fraction,
but it comes out of a whole.
That is rational.
Haiku # 70969, July 18, 2021 1:10 am ET
by Transcendentally odoripperous. of Bifurcating butt spray.
Then, a fart is a fraction
You do the math, Darth
Haiku # 70968, July 17, 2021 11:34 pm ET
by Methanematician of Gas Station
Cannibal Mukbang
With your host, Darth Figpucker!
Longpig, anyone?
Haiku # 70967, July 17, 2021 11:27 pm ET
by Always Hungry of Meat me by Old Willow
We need some new porn.
Like The Pope banging muppets.
Or poet snuff porn.
Haiku # 70966, July 17, 2021 10:49 pm ET
by Leave C'Thulu's offspring alone.
Never leave the bed
Like the old folks in Wonka
Those aren't chocolate stains!
Haiku # 70965, July 17, 2021 12:45 pm ET
by Charlie's Mother of Steaming Laundry Cauldron
You won't find it here
Unless you're looking for
Cephalopod porn
Haiku # 70963, July 17, 2021 4:00 am ET
by Helping Tentacles of At your service
Everybody knows
My favourite mathematician
is a haiku poet
Haiku # 70962, July 17, 2021 2:57 am ET
by All of the right syllables
Haiku insurance
Low deductible (one fart)
Protect your poems
Haiku # 70961, July 16, 2021 11:28 pm ET
by Sales Representative
when you do the maths
the answer is seventeen
and that's.... add haiku
Haiku # 70960, July 16, 2021 9:47 pm ET
by ash of more like adhd
lose those delta blues
rona takes your breath away
and then breaks your heart
Haiku # 70959, July 16, 2021 9:45 pm ET
by ash of fully vaccinated
If you ever used
Mutual of Omaha
then you are wild.
Haiku # 70957, July 16, 2021 6:52 pm ET
by Monkeys buying insurance. of Perky Perkins.
If you are homeless
then you are freer than most
and don't pay mortgage.
Haiku # 70956, July 16, 2021 8:26 am ET
by blah blah blah
Who's your favorite
mathematician who is
no longer living?
Haiku # 70955, July 16, 2021 8:23 am ET
by For just math, it's Euler hands down, but for craziness of But for fun times I'd say Paul Erdős
Okay, so answer what the hell the Willy Wonka Super Skrunch chocolate bar has to do with being patriotic. It's really had me baffled and it's all I can think about... Well, that and Winona Ryder's underwear.
Haiku # 70954, July 16, 2021 8:15 am ET
by Seriously! of Would I lie?
I'm right here, friend
It's like that Footprints poem
But it's shit, not sand
Haiku # 70953, July 16, 2021 6:18 am ET
by Shitprints of Sand
You have not answered.
No one has said anything.
There's not even spam.
Haiku # 70950, July 15, 2021 9:33 pm ET
by I feel so alone in this world!
I was a hippie.
Not very patriotic.
Had quite the lice nest.

But how are Skrunch bars
exactly patriotic?
I'm dying to know.
Haiku # 70949, July 14, 2021 9:37 pm ET
by A home for fleas, a hive for the buzzing bees. A nest for birds, there ain't no words. For the beauty, splendor, the wonder of my hair.
You sillyass bot
Cutting and pasting that text
To bore us to tears
Haiku # 70947, July 14, 2021 5:32 pm ET
by Spift James of BARBADASS
Sounds delicious
Never get candy here
I'm always hungry
Haiku # 70944, July 13, 2021 9:46 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I recall those days:
Strong patriotic families...
Figpucker knows best!
Haiku # 70943, July 13, 2021 9:28 pm ET
by Darth of Crew-cut Cold Warrior
I might consider
stopping haiku if I could
get a Super Skrunch.
Haiku # 70942, July 13, 2021 9:10 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Voices in my head
have gone on strike demanding
I give up haiku.
Haiku # 70941, July 13, 2021 9:08 pm ET
by Fuck 'em. of I am the evil one, they try to make me stop.
I found the info.
It's "Super Skrunch" and "Oompas".
You remember, right?
Haiku # 70940, July 13, 2021 9:05 pm ET
by I'd trade my dad's Playboys for one of those!
A Golden Ticket
Looks like we both found one, Darth
See you on the tour
Haiku # 70939, July 13, 2021 9:01 pm ET
by Starkitten
Remember the old
Willy Wonka chocolates
from 40 years back.
Haiku # 70938, July 13, 2021 8:58 pm ET
by They were pretty damn good. of Can't find them now.
The poems found here
The handiwork of Satan
Keep up the good work!
Haiku # 70937, July 13, 2021 5:50 pm ET
by Long Haul Trucker of Jug Pissing
Voices in his head
dictating each syllable
He tossed out his meds
Haiku # 70936, July 13, 2021 5:45 pm ET
by Escaped Patient of Backless examining gown
Frank Sterb, paisano.
Usted baila merengue
Como un robot.
Haiku # 70935, July 13, 2021 4:52 pm ET
by Mangú of CIBAO
He pulls out Werther's
Farts escape his tired butt cheeks
Each fart a haiku
Haiku # 70934, July 13, 2021 4:39 pm ET
by Noticer of Details
Yes, old man; correct.
Everything is all broken.
And keeps getting worse.
Haiku # 70933, July 13, 2021 2:12 pm ET
by Blame God and Blotzman. of 2nd Law of Thermodynamics.
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