Tickle Me Elmo.
Quality control worker.
Doing test tickles.
by Bad Dad Jokes, Inc.
I don't want to fly.
I'd much rather teleport.
Is that a thing yet?
by It should be!
My nipples aren't peirced.
Should I correct this problem?
What says vhs?
by One old fart to another.
Fart, flatus, break wind,
trouser trumpet, contribute
to global warming.
Step on a frog, toot,
reverse belch, burrito ghost,
bleed the pressure valve.
by George Carlin of The stage in the sky.
Librarian fart
No shush, naturally silent
Only time they smile
by Noticer of Details of Book Drop slot
Lipstick on his collar
The dog has been unfaithful
but still got a bone
Poop stains
by Haikufucious of Under old willow
Don't rely on me
You will be disappointed
Just do it yourself
by Disappointingly unreliable individual of Barstool
Free advertising
For a good time anytime
Farts are like WiFi
by Advertising Executive of Toilet seat
Chameleon now.
Become the color you touch.
Or it becomes you.
by I have no fucking idea what that means. of Urinal stall graffiti.
a fart diary
beats a fart diarrhoea
by quite a few runs
by ash
Every time I fart
I record the time and smell
in my fart scrapbook
by Noticer of Details
I'm not really here.
I'm visiting somewhere else.
I think you knew that.
by Please come and join me. of Maybe I'll dance.
Tiramisu cake.
Haagen-Dazs coffee ice cream.
Bananas Foster.
Bring me my dessert.
You can forget the main course.
I'm too old for that.
by Ice cream off a sexy whore's tits. of Because Mr. Rogers said to live life to its fullest.
What is my real name?
What my parents first called me?
Shout it out, you cunt!
Scream it you fat whore!
You fucking stinky pig twat!
You disgusting slut!
by I'm just joking. of Let's get ice cream.
Murder isn't bad.
Emerson, Lake, and Palmer.
Orange sherbet is gross.
by Why Cashews???? of Ummm... I don't know where abouts this is.
It's all about me.
So I buy silly t-shirts.
My dog will wear them.
by Chix love that. of Local park.
I'll make a monster.
I've grown to dislike Jello.
My ankle itches.
by What's my name?! of Say it bitch!!!
Christmas is over.
Turn off that fucking music.
Play some Black Sabbath.
by Barney the Dinosaur. of Teletubbies house getting high.
Eating beef and rice.
Old shoe leather with garlic.
Cappuccino's good.
by Buck Naked Rogers of Future launch pad of NWO Space Force.
A major break in.
You know the underwear gnomes?
Huge disappointment.
by Tweek of Down with Starbucks!
Fa fa fa fa fa
fa fa fa fa fa fa fa
fa fa fa fa Fart
by G. Yurassismelli of lighting a match
Uderwears is dumb
I am also commando
Don't stand downwind though
by I.Stink of Back door
So what was in those
Funereal envelopes?
Blackmail or summons?
by Aleister Crowley's Ugly Niece
Love them ripe peaches.
Low-hanging fruit. It reaches
Georgia on my mind.
by Old Dominion of The Gallant South
She was turned off by
my sudden explosion of
green ejaculate.
Goddamn prostitutes.
I paid her forty dollars.
Whores are so picky.
by DW of Back to normal.
We should hang out soon.
You might notice my blatant
lack of underwear.
by Commando of Loose fitting shorts, crossing my legs. Basic in stink.
I noticed that you
Noticed me noticing that
you noticed that too
by Noticer of Details of Undisclosed
Bad Haiku News
Noticer complains
about Darth's bad poetry.
Sky's still blue, grass green.
by Predictability is a sign of old age. of Where's my Goddamn coffee?!
My daily routine.
It's time to check the numbers.
Watching Rome burn down.
by The Devil went DOWN to Georgia. of Therefore Georgia is lower than hell.
It doesn't matter.
You can think what you want to.
Pheasant under glass.
by You disgust me. of In so many ways.
Smell me that's your poo
if I watch yer ass re-boot
put the shoes on new.
by Sto-bought ho-bot of love machine w/ polyurethane ba-jay-jay.
I don't like tatoos.
So did you enjoy yourself?
What's in your pocket?
by WalMart Plainclothes Security Guard of You need to stop doing that.
Thanks for the update
Now a look at the weather
Another shit day
by Noticer of Details of Under old willow
Bad Haiku News
New Congress sworn in
with tensions still simmering
Georgia runoff looms
by Crimson Mind of Phoenix, AZ
Tell me what you'd do
if a lecherous robot
put the moves on you
by Afraid of The Future
Here's what you will need:
Some room temperature butter
and Marlon Brando
by Last Tango of Paris
Must be aliens
They drink extra sweet iced tea
and play slot machine
by Wayne Newton's Left Nut of In Good Hands
No win this time, Darth
Watch for passenger pigeon
Consolation Prize
by Gatita Estrella of Pigeon Coop
I'm attracted to
penguins and platypusses.
Add dijon mustard.
by B===D ~o ~o ~o ~o of splat.
I left home today.
Not the first time I've done this.
I'll be back some day.
by Before I was sad, but now optimistic.
It is two hundred
thirty nine 'cause one more would
make it too farty.
by Too farty, farty too. of Toot toot.
Dear Math Magician
Guess my favorite number
Win a real cool prize
by Gatita Estrella of Remote Viewing Area
Unicorn dragons.
Pandas, penguins, and zebras.
Free fortune cookies.
by With every order. of Year of the blue testicled tree frog.
Spoiled Hindu girl
won't do her physics homework.
So mom and dad pay.
by Shiva shimmers shyly. of Then farts with a flute.
Gecko meat pot pie.
Recycled aluminum.
We're all gonna die.
by Prophet of Profit
I am on a bus.
Maybe I'll barf on someone.
I love doing that.
by Uncle John of See u @ family re-onion.
Where did you get this?
Nature topics are passe.
Look, there's a black hole!
by Getting sucked.... in. of William Shatner would understand.
I'm not going out.
Grumpy people getting stoned.
I should learn hula.
by But I don't like poi. of Poisoned poi, son.
Submit anything.
Man eating tigers are back.
The perfect hot sauce.
by Salads cost too much. of So do drinks.
Bad Haiku News
A new covid strain.
Jesus Christ returns to earth.
A new Coke flavor.
by It's all true, I swear. of Pinocchio's wooden balls.
