The smell of moonshine.
Can't you hear those old banjos.
Come here, sweet cousin.

Breakfast decision.
Twat waffles or cunt pancakes.
Cheese-stuffed shlong sausage.

Pig in a blanket.
Only it's ass sticking out.
Hog-tied, so to speak.

Methamphetamine.
Drinking coffee's gotten old.
Delightful twitching.

Arkansas special.
Sausage in ham in blanket.
Condom optional.

Courtney Love's herpes
Starting at eight thousand bucks
auctioned on Ebay.

Shotgun salvation.
Hollow point revelation.
Dum-dum Nirvana.

Giving HIV
was a good April Fool's joke.
No apologies.

Celibate people
Don't have nearly as much sex
As those who get fucked

People always whine

Hasn t happened yet
Never had one at my door
A real live midget

Hasn

Hidden camera
Wow, when no one is looking
You do funny things

went to a restaurant
Served imitation crab meat
Paid with play money

I farted five times
Then I farted seven times
Farting five more now

Saying I had AIDS
Was a cruel April fools joke
I apologize

The Haiku Police
Are coming to get you Darth.
We watch live on COPS!

Hot dog ministry
Brings everyone to the yard
Zip up your fly, please

No faking it here
I wear a midget strap on
He just keeps licking

You're in good standing
Trump has a micro chone
Don't sell yourself short

I've a tiny dick
If you fake your orgasm
I will understand

Precise measurements
Just the right amount of poop
One heaping pants load

My dinner haiku
I ate an enchilada
Now drinking water

What what in the butt.
I said what what in the butt.
I think you know what.

Vlasic pickle stork
Do men find him frightening?
Asking for a friend

If you poop too much,
then you should try to eat less,
the doctor told me.

Chewbacca's penis
Full frontal in all movies
Shoe Jar Jar Binx taint

Would you have written
Star Wars any differently
and if yes, how so?

America dead.
Or unrecognizable.
Except pop music.

Good that it's over.
Freedom is too expensive.
Now we are all slaves.

In Japanese porn
they will show assholes but not
pussies or cocks, why?!

Brian Wilson's taint
Funny place for graffiti
"Wilson Phillips Rules!!"

Four beers plus Beach Boys:
I am now at my wits end
America. Tears.

"Can you cut your nails
before you finger me please
unlike my husband?"

Cardiology
Haze of anesthesia
Dr. Keef Richards?

pleasure of Bonsai
Double flowering cherry
Conjoined twin virgins

And for the first time
In all the years they were wed
He said something nice

"Which hole am I in?"
The drunk guy asked the hooker
"The wrong one asshole!"

Gee,something smells good
It has to be your cooking
Can't be your pussy

Miss March, sixty-eight
That woman had some nice curves
Can't recall her name.

Fred Astaire exhumed
jive dancing gingivitis
Putting on the Ritz

Daddy's bride angel
Still holding that creepy doll
Filled with father's spelch

Lively up the day
Census Enumerator
Show them your big junk

Just wearing a sock
The Red Hot Chili Peckers
How does it stay up?

Dancing cheek to cheek.
Two gay men, double dildo,
disgusting dance floor.

When was the last time
you, ahem, you know, did it?
We need this info.

I'd rather do this
than write history essays
or shoot up Draino.

Poetry is the
parasite of all language.
You've been infected.

Santorum dot com
is still functional, I see.
Well, at least partly.

Inexperienced
homosexual couples
attempting butt sex.

Cousteau factoid
Cousteau stuck his dink in eels
Undersea Fleshlight

Shit rags in my ass
Fall out as I walk along
I should start wiping

Twat,snatch,poon,pussy
Whatever one calls a cunt
Shows their character

Jacques Cousteau s lament
Please, no more little swimmers
Earth. No Vacancy.