Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 135 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

God like a slumlord
Let Everything go to Hell
Come round for the rent
Haiku # 63020, March 18, 2019 4:43 pm ET
by When I use CAPITAL LETTERS of THAT MEANS I AM SCREAMING
Truck driving preacher
Spoke of the Resurrection
Got an erection!
Haiku # 63019, March 18, 2019 4:37 pm ET
by I said pull over, Buddy of Not pull off
The mathematician
Hard at work in the rest room
Making number two
Haiku # 63018, March 18, 2019 3:59 pm ET
by Based on my calculations of Human Calulator
Mono podes
Haiku # 63017, March 18, 2019 12:24 pm ET
by I said
ya sure ever knee
Double amputees, monopoles
Smelly arthritis
Haiku # 63016, March 18, 2019 12:24 pm ET
by Iva Faloen of Can
Ever seen the Dude?
Was he 17 feet tall?
Knocking at your door
Haiku # 63015, March 18, 2019 12:21 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Praise the Living God
There is a resurrection
Every knee will bow
Haiku # 63014, March 18, 2019 10:07 am ET
by Your Cue to Blaspheme
What will it be now?
A seagull screech festival?
To be continued...
Haiku # 63013, March 18, 2019 6:37 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Just checked the oven
Haiku baked to perfection
Now adding Ex-Lax
Haiku # 63012, March 18, 2019 12:42 am ET
by 4u
I found a shamrock
Might not be a lucky one
Made from fresh feces
Haiku # 63011, March 17, 2019 8:36 pm ET
by Bend Me over kiss a clover
Digester s Reader
Shiterature Magazine
Worstsmelling Authors
Haiku # 63010, March 17, 2019 8:19 pm ET
by John Crapper of In Zee tank
Digester
Haiku # 63009, March 17, 2019 8:18 pm ET
by John Crapper of In Zee tank
Figpucker's Tales of
Sodomy, Pyrotechnics,
and Shenanigans.

Where can you find it?
Published by Reader's Digest.
Kills your Digestion.
Haiku # 63008, March 17, 2019 5:16 pm ET
by df
Cornered beef sandwich
Not so fast with the mayo
Toreador, gored
Haiku # 63007, March 17, 2019 6:13 am ET
by Al Gore by way of Starkitten of Rhythm Section
The click of the Colt
Archaic, deadly, savage
No blue steel- compares
Haiku # 63006, March 17, 2019 4:33 am ET
by Cowboy Nobop of Cripple creek
The country I love
Changed to some other place
Hope it will survive
Haiku # 63005, March 17, 2019 4:27 am ET
by Cowboy Nobop of Cripple creek
What the hell happened?
Youth gone changed to sorrow
Like a lightning flash
Haiku # 63004, March 17, 2019 4:02 am ET
by Crazy Cloud of past gone
The Surprise Party
Pin the tail on the donkey
Lead them to your ass
Haiku # 63003, March 17, 2019 1:40 am ET
by Fudge Smudge
I like that story
Send it to Reader's Digest
They should publish it
Haiku # 63002, March 17, 2019 12:38 am ET
by More stories please, Uncle Darth of Circle time
Tootsie Roll rum balls.
That's an original thought.
Use One-fifty-one.

Bacardi's strong stuff.
Your rum balls like getting drunk
and eating some ass.
Haiku # 63001, March 17, 2019 12:35 am ET
by df
One of my funniest memories is shooting a bottle rocket over the heads of a bunch of old people playing bridge at the local park recreation center one night. One of us held the door slightly ajar, I held the bottle rocket steady, and the other one of us lit the fuse. We ran away laughing like mad and didn't stop laughing for like two hours. It was awesome. But, sadly, no heart attacks like we were hoping for. Oh well.

Aren't I a work of art?! ;-)
Haiku # 63000, March 17, 2019 12:23 am ET
by df
I once set off a
Saturn Missile Battery
in a shopping mall.

Cigarette delay
so that we can walk away
and watch from afar.
Haiku # 62999, March 17, 2019 12:17 am ET
by Back in the days before cameras everywhere.
Stomping on cartons
can get you detention time
or lunch room duty.

And deaf kids hate it.
It fucks with their hearing aids.
Watch them writhe in pain.

You think it's funny.
It's not cool unless you're cruel.
Which I guess I am.
Haiku # 62998, March 17, 2019 12:14 am ET
by df
I cum in yo bum.
I bust a nut in yo butt.
I spew in yo poo.

Satisfactory
deep down in yo Tootsie Roll
factory, per say.

I swear I'm not gay;
it's my nature to offend
way up yo back end.
Haiku # 62997, March 17, 2019 12:10 am ET
by Garth Futtbucker is in serious need of of psychological counseling or a few stiff drinks. Anything but a cosmo!
Everything you write
Can/will be used against you
In a court of law.
Haiku # 62996, March 16, 2019 5:57 am ET
by Miranda Da da DUM DUM of Dragnet
I'm at a truck stop
Really fun to watch the rigs
Pulling in and out
Haiku # 62995, March 16, 2019 5:32 am ET
by Midget of Truck Stop
What would Jesus do?
Stomp on empty milk cartons
In the lunchroom? Boom!
Haiku # 62994, March 16, 2019 5:25 am ET
by Gnarly sandals of
Last one exploded
Papa got a brand new bag
Colostomy bag
Haiku # 62993, March 16, 2019 5:22 am ET
by Fudge Brownie
Keep the faith,poets
All your hard work will pay off
God reads these poems
Haiku # 62992, March 16, 2019 5:15 am ET
by God of Up
But, back to rum balls
I always take a shit first
"Forget" to wash hands
Haiku # 62991, March 16, 2019 1:15 am ET
by How I make them of Terlit
I'm not a robot
Pardon the clunking noises
Could you oil my nuts?
Haiku # 62990, March 16, 2019 1:11 am ET
by 17 feet tall of Door
While you were sleeping
Rearranged the furniture
Set your bed on fire
Haiku # 62989, March 15, 2019 10:50 pm ET
by Hot Flash
Strange Circumcisions
Like crop circles on hot dogs
How do they get there?
Haiku # 62988, March 15, 2019 10:46 pm ET
by Frank N. Stein
We all make mistakes
Reading this haiku might be
Your latest mistake
Haiku # 62987, March 15, 2019 10:41 pm ET
by Miss Steak of Prime
Account in arrears
Unauthorized deposits
No interest at all
Haiku # 62986, March 15, 2019 10:30 pm ET
by Not Ben Denofer of For soap in the shower
Here's five silly bulls.
Cocks, cunts, and crusty cum cakes.
And here are five more.
Haiku # 62985, March 15, 2019 9:43 pm ET
by df
Do not save your farts.
Your gut's not a bank account.
Set those stinkers free!
Haiku # 62984, March 15, 2019 9:39 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Dink sounds minuscule.
I would much rather say cock.
Or maybe just schlong.
Haiku # 62983, March 15, 2019 9:36 pm ET
by How can you tell if you're roommate's gay? of If his cock tastes like shit.
Prodigious chin hair
How did I get this ugly?
I think it's chemtrails
Haiku # 62982, March 15, 2019 9:30 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Dink is the best word
I don't like saying penis
Leaves bad taste in mouth
Haiku # 62981, March 15, 2019 9:22 pm ET
by Librarian of Library
Every new haiku
A gift we give each other
Like a saved up fart
Haiku # 62980, March 15, 2019 9:20 pm ET
by Stinky of Pants
Inappropriate
homosexuality
Snuffleupagus.
Haiku # 62979, March 15, 2019 8:46 pm ET
by Full name is Aloysius Snuffleupagus of There's a thing I bet you did not know.
Wrestling match today?

Plan on wearing longer shorts
When wrestling gators
Haiku # 62978, March 15, 2019 5:23 pm ET
by Advisory committee of Concerned citizens for the protection of your danoinks
With a name like that
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
It has to be good
Haiku # 62977, March 15, 2019 12:11 pm ET
by Starkitten of Library
Jogging shorts too short.
Try for a quarter mile sprint,
mister dink flops out.

Sorry 'bout that, girls.
Now just try to unsee that!
High school running track.
Haiku # 62976, March 15, 2019 8:34 am ET
by df
Jogging does seem to bring back the brain pain. But strangely on opposite side from where it used to be. Maybe the bleeding is shifting around or something. I really hope this kills me. Life has gotten to be... I mean, jeez, it's like a prison. Really.

Alcohol. That's what I need!
Haiku # 62975, March 15, 2019 8:30 am ET
by df
I let it jiggle.
But that's what I always do.
sometimes it sneaks out.
Haiku # 62974, March 15, 2019 8:27 am ET
by df
Wet stain on sweatpants
Darth, is that perspiration?
Haiku # 62973, March 14, 2019 6:25 pm ET
by The Importance of Physical Exercise
Shorts over sweatpants
Ready to wrestle gators
Balut egg, Rocky
Haiku # 62972, March 14, 2019 2:12 pm ET
by Spectator of Sidelines
Do you wear a cup?
I mean, when you jog around?
Just let it jiggle?
Haiku # 62971, March 14, 2019 2:09 pm ET
by Ivana Noe of I don
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