BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
29 Days
and
66563 Haikus
later...
Figpucker's Tales of
Sodomy, Pyrotechnics,
and Shenanigans.

Where can you find it?
Published by Reader's Digest.
Kills your Digestion.
Haiku #63008, by df
March 17, 2019 5:16 pm ET

Cornered beef sandwich
Not so fast with the mayo
Toreador, gored
Haiku #63007, by Al Gore by way of Starkitten of Rhythm Section
March 17, 2019 6:13 am ET

The click of the Colt
Archaic, deadly, savage
No blue steel- compares
Haiku #63006, by Cowboy Nobop of Cripple creek
March 17, 2019 4:33 am ET

The country I love
Changed to some other place
Hope it will survive
Haiku #63005, by Cowboy Nobop of Cripple creek
March 17, 2019 4:27 am ET

What the hell happened?
Youth gone changed to sorrow
Like a lightning flash
Haiku #63004, by Crazy Cloud of past gone
March 17, 2019 4:02 am ET

The Surprise Party
Pin the tail on the donkey
Lead them to your ass
Haiku #63003, by Fudge Smudge
March 17, 2019 1:40 am ET

I like that story
Send it to Reader's Digest
They should publish it
Haiku #63002, by More stories please, Uncle Darth of Circle time
March 17, 2019 12:38 am ET

Tootsie Roll rum balls.
That's an original thought.
Use One-fifty-one.

Bacardi's strong stuff.
Your rum balls like getting drunk
and eating some ass.
Haiku #63001, by df
March 17, 2019 12:35 am ET

One of my funniest memories is shooting a bottle rocket over the heads of a bunch of old people playing bridge at the local park recreation center one night. One of us held the door slightly ajar, I held the bottle rocket steady, and the other one of us lit the fuse. We ran away laughing like mad and didn't stop laughing for like two hours. It was awesome. But, sadly, no heart attacks like we were hoping for. Oh well.

Aren't I a work of art?! ;-)
Haiku #63000, by df
March 17, 2019 12:23 am ET

I once set off a
Saturn Missile Battery
in a shopping mall.

Cigarette delay
so that we can walk away
and watch from afar.
Haiku #62999, by Back in the days before cameras everywhere.
March 17, 2019 12:17 am ET

Stomping on cartons
can get you detention time
or lunch room duty.

And deaf kids hate it.
It fucks with their hearing aids.
Watch them writhe in pain.

You think it's funny.
It's not cool unless you're cruel.
Which I guess I am.
Haiku #62998, by df
March 17, 2019 12:14 am ET

I cum in yo bum.
I bust a nut in yo butt.
I spew in yo poo.

Satisfactory
deep down in yo Tootsie Roll
factory, per say.

I swear I'm not gay;
it's my nature to offend
way up yo back end.
Haiku #62997, by Garth Futtbucker is in serious need of of psychological counseling or a few stiff drinks. Anything but a cosmo!
March 17, 2019 12:10 am ET

Everything you write
Can/will be used against you
In a court of law.
Haiku #62996, by Miranda Da da DUM DUM of Dragnet
March 16, 2019 5:57 am ET

I'm at a truck stop
Really fun to watch the rigs
Pulling in and out
Haiku #62995, by Midget of Truck Stop
March 16, 2019 5:32 am ET

What would Jesus do?
Stomp on empty milk cartons
In the lunchroom? Boom!
Haiku #62994, by Gnarly sandals of
March 16, 2019 5:25 am ET

Last one exploded
Papa got a brand new bag
Colostomy bag
Haiku #62993, by Fudge Brownie
March 16, 2019 5:22 am ET

Keep the faith,poets
All your hard work will pay off
God reads these poems
Haiku #62992, by God of Up
March 16, 2019 5:15 am ET

But, back to rum balls
I always take a shit first
"Forget" to wash hands
Haiku #62991, by How I make them of Terlit
March 16, 2019 1:15 am ET

I'm not a robot
Pardon the clunking noises
Could you oil my nuts?
Haiku #62990, by 17 feet tall of Door
March 16, 2019 1:11 am ET

While you were sleeping
Rearranged the furniture
Set your bed on fire
Haiku #62989, by Hot Flash
March 15, 2019 10:50 pm ET

Strange Circumcisions
Like crop circles on hot dogs
How do they get there?
Haiku #62988, by Frank N. Stein
March 15, 2019 10:46 pm ET

We all make mistakes
Reading this haiku might be
Your latest mistake
Haiku #62987, by Miss Steak of Prime
March 15, 2019 10:41 pm ET

Account in arrears
Unauthorized deposits
No interest at all
Haiku #62986, by Not Ben Denofer of For soap in the shower
March 15, 2019 10:30 pm ET

Here's five silly bulls.
Cocks, cunts, and crusty cum cakes.
And here are five more.
Haiku #62985, by df
March 15, 2019 9:43 pm ET

Do not save your farts.
Your gut's not a bank account.
Set those stinkers free!
Haiku #62984, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
March 15, 2019 9:39 pm ET

Dink sounds minuscule.
I would much rather say cock.
Or maybe just schlong.
Haiku #62983, by How can you tell if you're roommate's gay? of If his cock tastes like shit.
March 15, 2019 9:36 pm ET

Prodigious chin hair
How did I get this ugly?
I think it's chemtrails
Haiku #62982, by Anonymous Poet
March 15, 2019 9:30 pm ET

Dink is the best word
I don't like saying penis
Leaves bad taste in mouth
Haiku #62981, by Librarian of Library
March 15, 2019 9:22 pm ET

Every new haiku
A gift we give each other
Like a saved up fart
Haiku #62980, by Stinky of Pants
March 15, 2019 9:20 pm ET

Inappropriate
homosexuality
Snuffleupagus.
Haiku #62979, by Full name is Aloysius Snuffleupagus of There's a thing I bet you did not know.
March 15, 2019 8:46 pm ET

Wrestling match today?

Plan on wearing longer shorts
When wrestling gators
Haiku #62978, by Advisory committee of Concerned citizens for the protection of your danoinks
March 15, 2019 5:23 pm ET

With a name like that
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
It has to be good
Haiku #62977, by Starkitten of Library
March 15, 2019 12:11 pm ET

Jogging shorts too short.
Try for a quarter mile sprint,
mister dink flops out.

Sorry 'bout that, girls.
Now just try to unsee that!
High school running track.
Haiku #62976, by df
March 15, 2019 8:34 am ET

Jogging does seem to bring back the brain pain. But strangely on opposite side from where it used to be. Maybe the bleeding is shifting around or something. I really hope this kills me. Life has gotten to be... I mean, jeez, it's like a prison. Really.

Alcohol. That's what I need!
Haiku #62975, by df
March 15, 2019 8:30 am ET

I let it jiggle.
But that's what I always do.
sometimes it sneaks out.
Haiku #62974, by df
March 15, 2019 8:27 am ET

Wet stain on sweatpants
Darth, is that perspiration?
Haiku #62973, by The Importance of Physical Exercise
March 14, 2019 6:25 pm ET

Shorts over sweatpants
Ready to wrestle gators
Balut egg, Rocky
Haiku #62972, by Spectator of Sidelines
March 14, 2019 2:12 pm ET

Do you wear a cup?
I mean, when you jog around?
Just let it jiggle?
Haiku #62971, by Ivana Noe of I don
March 14, 2019 2:09 pm ET

And most people jog
to live longer, not to die.
Wish me lots of luck.
Haiku #62970, by Anonymous Poet
March 14, 2019 2:02 pm ET

Imagine there's no Darth Figpucker.
It's easy if you try.
No shit haiku below us.
Above us only politics, religion, and vhs.

I wonder what ever happened to Iamback. He was a funny guy. Talking about Darth Gaydar and Nipress... whatever the hell that is. Maybe if I'm gone he will come back out of hiding. Maybe he's in prison. Fucking Juggalo loser. Woot woot.

Jogging a few miles every day seems to be making my head feel strange again... Some vitamin E and other blood thinners... maybe a stiff drink at night. No more of this shit life. I mean, you have a be a real fucking work of art to try to post on here all the time... Well, at least it's not Farcebook. Even I don't sink that low.
Haiku #62969, by df
March 14, 2019 12:09 pm ET

They are called maggots.
Maggots and faggots in deep shit.
Forget Tootsie Rolls.

Attracted to poop.
An easy life that must be.
Shit is everywhere.
Haiku #62968, by Ooooo... gross! I almost stepped in Darth haiku!
March 14, 2019 11:43 am ET

Some are born in shit.
They are born, they live and die
In deep filth of shit.
Haiku #62967, by Anonymous Poet
March 14, 2019 10:36 am ET

Darthless Bad Haiku
That would be a lovely thing . . .
Figpucker-free verse
Haiku #62966, by Anonymous Poet
March 14, 2019 10:05 am ET

Note: Gruesome footage
I never clip my toenails
Never wash my feet
Haiku #62965, by Starkitten
March 14, 2019 7:44 am ET

My cunts bigger than your cunt.
My cunts bigger than yours.
My cunts bigger 'cause it gets
huge black cocks.
My cunts bigger than yours.
Haiku #62964, by Funtcart Funtcart Funt.
March 14, 2019 7:24 am ET

Cats about fight.
Sounds like karaoke bar
in the Philippines.
Haiku #62963, by df
March 14, 2019 7:22 am ET

Has anyone seen Garth?
Haiku #62962, by Anonymous Poet
March 14, 2019 6:33 am ET

Cyclonic fart bomb
Homeland Insecurity
Porcelain rocket
Haiku #62961, by Brown Smudge of Do not fly list
March 14, 2019 6:31 am ET

Tootsie Roll swirly
Spot on accurate fork assed
Brownie, Incoming!
Haiku #62960, by Weather Guru of Atmospheric pressure
March 14, 2019 6:06 am ET

I, Balloon Poet
Shall rise high and pierce yon clouds
With my erection
Haiku #62959, by High of Higher
March 14, 2019 12:02 am ET