How do you get a
poet off your porch? You pay
him for the pizza!

Raping elephants.
They tighten their proboscis.
I give them peanuts.

One plus one is two.
Now that might be permanent.
But not sure it's true.

Nothing's permanent.
Not even God in Heaven.
Though He says He is.

Let's not forget snot.
Natural KY Jelly.
Now I'll rape your nose.

Ha ha: poop and piss.
Reproductive organs. Wow.
Bestial best of Darth. . .

That's not my pizza.
That's a barbecued lemur.
And it's way too small.

I think I would say
My delivery is here
Sooner than I thought

What if I told you
There's a seventeen foot tall
Robot at your door?

Glass of orange juice
Tuna sandwich on whole wheat
Fritos corn chips, please

Men in the white coats:
"Another crazy poet"
"Lobotomy, stat."

Foot long frankfurters
Nestled in your fresh, warm buns
What's not to relish?

Hot dog ministry
Where is your church located?
Down inside my pants

Is the mirror cracked?
No, that's not your reflection
You gaze at my butt

Once upon a time
Two ugly people had sex
That's where I came from

Word to your mother
Whatever the heck that means
Just want to say it

Hanker for salmon?
Just turn your trout inside out
No, not your trousers

Going out of style
Crazy beards and flowing robes
Biblical boho

Nothing could stop them
Natural born performers
The show must go on

Herds of elephants
Defecating in sawdust
Fat ladies, gorging

Circus life is rough
Get shot out of a cannon
Hob gobbling dwarf knob

Oh, those Gokden Grahams
Son of a biscuit, you guessed it
Oompa Loompa Sauce

*Holds out the grahams
while eagerly awaiting
sweet soggy biscuits.

S'more til you're sore
Manly midgets
masturbate
Making marshmallows

No cholesterol
Greasy butt margarine paste
Made from cat anus

Vertical Viewing
Vacant vented vagina
Velvety Venus

This really strange fad,
Japanese bagel-head kids.
What's THAT all about?!

Very Horny Skunk.
Vaginal Hoarfrost Syndrome.
Vapid Hung Scrotum.

Vacuous Hot Slime.
Vain Horrific Syllables.
Vipers Having Sex.

Veins Hating Steroids.
Vacuuming Happy Servant.
Vulvae Humping Shafts.

The trunk of the car
In amongst the groceries
Lord, Richard Simmons!

Living your best life
Living large, dressed to the nines
Epic shoplifting

The call is for you
Some Hollywood director
You're going places

Being Buddha sucks
Intestinal blockage bloat
Stuck sitting so still

Hear me out on this
Depict perpetual bliss
Toilet under him

No shortage of Spooge
The very dawn of mankind
A Giant Spoogeball

VHS will sigh,
I wish I had been nicer
To those millionaires

You are a genius
Yes, we will be millionaires
Lower sneeze freeze pop

Did Buddha jack off
after his enlightenment?
If so, did it glow?

I'm asking because
I want to refill glow sticks
for kids to play with.

Popular Thai toy.
Glowing sticks of Buddha spooge.
Drink it when you're done.

My vagina's name
I call it Miss Chewbacca
A friend of Han Solo

Perpetual smile
And another one down there
It's cunnilingus!

Just a few more words
Poems to brighten your day
Have an awesome day!

Heard of Papa Smurf?
Allow me to introduce
The Great papa schmear

You ought to know
Standing at my dishwasher
Just ate a bagel

Good one, Starkitten!
Changed the lox and litter box.
Made me fucking laugh.

Okay, Stan, no prob.
The Devil would never lie.
So you must be he.

It was all kosher
Rabbi's wife's kosher dildo
Schmear with her bagel

Ok, this is Stan
Settle down there Figpucker
I am the DEVIL

Behold: Jesus flesh!
A bit old -- salmonella.
But better than Spam.

Like an abused wife,
You'll crawl back, begging for more.
And I'll flop it out.

Behold: spaghetti.
no semolina half-truth
but Christ's love made flesh

'Tis I, Figpucker.
Been putting marijuana
in Girl Scout cookies.

Girl scouts? That title
is itself quite divisive
and gender-rigid.

''Tis I, Starkitten
Been eating Girl Scout cookies
Nom nom nom nom nom

For you're a zombie
Sleeping seagulls, double bed
Reverend Blue Jeans