You can wear white pants
After Memorial Day
If there's a poop stain
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Style Advisor
Visit Glasgow Zoo
Monkeys throw feces at you
That's the Highland Fling
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Hey Hey We're the feces throwers...
Beautiful Pussy
Oh, you mean my "Scottish fold."
Stick your hand in. Cold?
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Cattery
Which one's hairier ?
Crack of your derrière or
Scottish Terrier?
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Kennel Club
Wearing of the kilt
Means no more pants shitting guilt
Shit in the heather
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Travel Agency
Underneath his kilt
You'll find the missing bagpipes
Blow at your own risk
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Haggis Emporium Ltd.
Been listening to
Sithu Aye, band from Scotland
Surprised no bagpipes
by Anonymous Poet
Feeling free down there
I stopped wearing underwear
I go commando
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest ABBA Fernando Reimagined
Crank up the ABBA
So they won't hear you jerk off
Does your mother know?
She's in the kitchen
Preparing Swedish Meatballs
With sticky fingers
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest IKEA
Radioactive?
They're all happy to see us!
Extending boners.
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Close Encounter
I am celibate
But open to relations
With Space Aliens
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Saucer Nest
Polyester Slacks
Hot summer nights. Pink sweaty ass.
The Bingo Parlour
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Fun and Games Ltd.
Watch the robot dance
I think it just shit its pants
Clang, Clunk. A metal chunk.
Now some oily gunk
Back up Human! Watch me spew...
Robot Diarrhea Stew
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Instant Pot Reseller Ltd.
Did you lose something?
We found your dirty dildo
In the parking lot
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Phallus Phinders Ltd.
Bright orange manure
He belongs in in the sewer
President? No way.
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
He turned sixty times
Hunched out a YUGE steaming coil
Trump! Get off my lawn!!
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Raw Dog Dirt Removal Ltd.
Hemingway kittens
Wear polydactyl mittens
They eat Key Lime pie
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Cat Lady
I am a writer
Sometimes pull an all nighter
New to Bad Haiku
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Pay troll toll and pass
Toll payable in haikus
Breath sigh of relief
by Troll Patrol of Bad Haiku
tried sake, liked it
better, not on here all day
have stuff to do...bah
by vhs of bah
Be considerate
It's ok to masturbate
Don't make Uber wait
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Finishing School
Tired of Bad Haiku?
How 'bout trying seppuku
Then you'll smell like poo
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest 2-ply
Boring-ass Haiku:
Count Japanese syllables
Then ask: What the FUCK?
by Basho Mother in Law of Honshu
When I was married
Tried to iron the wrinkles
On husband's penis
A costly divorce
(Blush) He was hung like a horse
Took to the cleaners
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Dry Cleaning and Wedding Chapel
A Wrinkle In Time:
movie filmed in Wakanda
I'll never see it
Original text
Was full-on Anglo-Saxon;
Disney fucked it up.
by Lord Elector of Saxony of Wakanda
Anything for love
Guys, He ain't a cannibal
Tofu! No Meatloaf!!
No he won't do That
But he sure expects a lot
By the dashboard light
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Food & Whine
Lobster Thermidor
Now it coats the bathroom floor
Sudden Downeaster
Funny thing, Rockland, Maine
From where my grandmother came
I won't say her name
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Genealogical Society
Damn river turned brown
Michael Flatley is in town
Lord of the Shat Pants
From Shitkakago
Out pops the Cork in his bum
Everybody run!
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Sticka fork in him he's done
well the spam eggs spam
sausage with gyros spam beans
refried plantains and
spam are off
by vhs of lobster thermidor with spam?
damn it is someone
writing a scatological
poem novel?
by vhs of novel fucking idea
Hear my sexy dream
Making love. Windows all steam.
Talk Dirty! Mr. Clean!!
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Janitorial Services Ltd.
Have you ever fucked
A priest up the ass with a
Flaming broomhandle?
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Take two Hail Marys
And call me in the morning.
Communion: Pringles
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Immaculate Fart of Mary Convent School
Haiku birthed Haiku
into another context
My mom yelled: DINNER !
by Basho San of San Fran Basho
Catholic Civil War;
My Protestants be all like:
"Yo that shit FUNNY"
by Luther Van Knox of Saxony of Chillin wit ma peeps exegetically
All those fart haikus
and excrementality --
yes, you are quite sick
by Saint Vulgathius of Orange of the Pillar of Holy Immanence of the Beatific Splendor of your Immaculate Mother's Week-Old-Meatloa of is Everything
Catholic Civil War
Oh God imagine the guilt
That one wrote itself
by [redacted]
My silken nightie
forced to leave the Motherland
becuz we wuz KANGZ
by Lars Svensen of Göteborg
Trump this and Trump that . . .
Damn. Can't even find my keys.
(keyless in Hell now.)
by Okonkwo of Abuja City
Solid Gold Dancers
Perhaps it was a mistake
Force feeding them corn
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest and I don't care
...Shitty Music Hall
It's a fecal free for all
Time for Curtain Call
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
The Rockettes kick high
That's when the poop starts to fly
Radio Shitty....
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Janitorial Services Ltd.
Hey, That's Gene Kelly
His trousers sure are smelly
Wash them in the rain!
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Dry Cleaning Ltd.
Made the switch to tap
All that bouncing made me crap.
Wardrobe Malfunction!
Jazz hands in the air
All the right moves. Fred Astaire.
With brown underwear
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Star Search
Nutcracker not sweet
Got kicked out of ballet class
Reason: Smelly Ass
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
That Baryshnikov
He only farts when he runs
Not when he's dancing
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest School of Dance
i am about to
implode into a black hole
fuck the left, censored...
by vhs
it overruns the
space, i can't think, speak breathe or
give a shit no more
by vhs
Hey Buddy, Get a Room!
The Pompeii Masturbator
Past life: James Spader
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest TMZ (too much Zevia energy drink)
We are not going to
Make Narnia great again
It was never great
by Andrew Cuomo, Governor of Narnia
