BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
65 Days
69644 Haikus
People who eat pork
often look like fat piggies.
You know what they say.
Haiku #58671, by
June 24, 2018 10:18 am ET

Do you like bacon?
I think it's much too greasy.
And pigs smell like shit.
Haiku #58670, by Anonymous Poet
June 24, 2018 10:17 am ET

Penile implants
filled with nitroglycerine.
Can you imagine?
Haiku #58669, by Anonymous Poet
June 24, 2018 10:13 am ET

we are ze robots
we are are are mulfunzhneeng
volkvagon robutttts....
Haiku #58668, by vhssphere of program repeat, overload overload
June 23, 2018 11:00 pm ET

kraftwerk likes to sing
about how they are the robots
but they're Germans

i thought i had some observation here
but i do not
Haiku #58667, by vhssphere
June 23, 2018 10:57 pm ET

kraftwerk likes to sing
about how they are the robots
but they're Germans

i thought i had some observation here
but i do not
Haiku #58666, by vhssphere
June 23, 2018 10:56 pm ET

we entereth my
territorial waters
anon odd stranger
Haiku #58665, by vhsspeare
June 23, 2018 8:47 am ET

like hell you will, if
you get started ill start with
pantera posts...shit

theres a band called Death
Haiku #58664, by vhsx
June 23, 2018 8:46 am ET

Death metal haiku.
I think we should try it out.
By we I mean I.

Frog on lily pad.
Snake devours the fat frog.
Death is all I know.

huh huh, that was cool.
Yeah yeah, that fucking kicks ass.
Watch your mouth, Beavis!

You can't say that word
on MTV, you fuckhead.
Penis ball bearings.
Haiku #58663, by I think I'll get some ball bearing inserted in the shaft of of my penis under the skin to make the whores happy.
June 22, 2018 8:23 pm ET

the problem with my
time here is im too happy
to post death haiku
Haiku #58662, by vhsx
June 22, 2018 6:00 pm ET

space time is Bent its
too broken to fixall the
crap youd want to fix
Haiku #58661, by vhsx
June 22, 2018 5:57 pm ET

damn it, every
time i post one measley ku
theres that fucking loaf

of outbursts,,,some of
those monkeys throw shit, others
poems...winks, having fun?

Haiku #58660, by vhs
June 22, 2018 5:51 pm ET

It would be so cool
if they had porn recaptcha
photos to select.

Choose the big titties.
Click on the nipple piercings.
Select the butt sex.
Haiku #58659, by Darth Figpucker
June 22, 2018 9:33 am ET

You must learn to feel
good about being evil.
Presidential grin.

I hate selecting
store fronts, roads, cars, buses, and
street signs fuck fuck fuck.
Haiku #58658, by
June 22, 2018 9:28 am ET

What is the mass of
all live mosquitoes on Earth?
Asking for a friend.
Haiku #58657, by
June 22, 2018 9:23 am ET

Existence is a
double-blind experiment.
But who's watching God?
Haiku #58656, by
June 22, 2018 9:18 am ET

If space time is curved,
why can't I kill my old self
before it's too late?
Haiku #58655, by It's okay to hate life.
June 22, 2018 9:14 am ET

what is a depressed
android going to do when
he is asked for tea?

Haiku #58654, by vhs
June 22, 2018 8:57 am ET

Really analytic and helpful.
Haiku #58653, by fatjoy of uk
June 22, 2018 8:47 am ET

write a book and
get back to me when i have the
time to keep up here
Haiku #58652, by vhs
June 21, 2018 10:21 pm ET

How many of my
farts will equal the Big Bang?
Forty Two, of course.
Haiku #58651, by Anonymous Poet
June 21, 2018 10:18 pm ET

What did the butler
and maid call the psychopath?
Master Norman Bates.
Haiku #58650, by
June 21, 2018 10:15 pm ET

The fragments of mind
unite in ways they shouldn't
when on LSD.

Taste the rainbow balls.
Perspiration snow cone juice.
Hear colors of jazz.
Haiku #58649, by Anonymous Poet
June 21, 2018 10:06 pm ET

my schtick is bad bad
impersonations, yours is
metaphysics art
Haiku #58648, by vhs
June 21, 2018 8:40 pm ET

Dancing through my mind
I'm conscious and unconscious
Starlight meanders
Haiku #58647, by Adam Ben Adam
June 21, 2018 12:52 pm ET

Why do breast implants
detonate upon impact
like a bagel head?
Haiku #58645, by Anonymous Poet
June 21, 2018 2:04 am ET

Behold the living
One from first Adam to last
And the son as well
Haiku #58644, by Adam Ben Adam
June 21, 2018 12:42 am ET

שלום עליכם
כן המשיח חי
ראיתי אותו
Haiku #58643, by ברית אל of בית אל
June 20, 2018 11:47 pm ET

To enjoy the moment I'd have to do drugs and go whoring and when you're enslaved (married) with monsters (children), that sort of thing is just not considered cool... unless you're President. Then it's okay.
Haiku #58642, by Anonymous Poet
June 20, 2018 10:59 pm ET

I'd like all Christians
to travel back through time and
meet Jesus alive.

Of course you'd need one of those Babblefish electronic translators made for Aramaic and they would see you with it and probably stone you to death for witchcraft, but oh well. Or they could learn Aramaic before they go through the time portal, but like that's going to really happen! Better odds of actually inventing a time machine.

My 2nd wish would be to bring dinosaurs back from the past to the present. None of that DNA crap and YourAssSick Park Movies. Actual dinos. That would be cool. McRaptor Legs w/ BBQ sauce!
Haiku #58641, by
June 20, 2018 10:57 pm ET

someone celebrates
the end times maybe they should
enjoy the moment
Haiku #58640, by vhs of that they have
June 20, 2018 5:15 pm ET

if i see more cell
phone zombies, if we pull the
plug on all of it

watch the fun begin
Haiku #58639, by vhs
June 20, 2018 8:53 am ET

the excuse of those
who do not take up the Cross
is that they are gods
Haiku #58638, by vhs
June 20, 2018 8:50 am ET

glued to their mobiles
the hordes of i-zombies
eating their own brains
Haiku #58637, by ash
June 20, 2018 8:13 am ET

not much fandango
nor tequila or tango
i'm showing my age
Haiku #58636, by ash
June 20, 2018 8:08 am ET

Listen to the wind,
the molecules whispering,
"Go kill John Candy."

He's already dead!
Stupid fucking molecules.
Besides, I like mogs.
Haiku #58635, by
June 20, 2018 3:23 am ET

You can't fall apart
if already in pieces.
The atoms don't split.

Marriage slavery.
I'm just a money machine
and walking dildo.
Haiku #58634, by Anonymous Poet
June 20, 2018 3:20 am ET

Why are my turds blue?!
Have I been sucking Smurf dicks??
Oh, wait... yeah, I did.
Haiku #58633, by df
June 20, 2018 3:13 am ET

The air talks to me.
Each and every single
molecule of it.

I'm not surprised that
you think shopping malls are a
paradise. And so...

Jesus wept.

Do you follow Him?
Or perhaps it's the TV.
Or does it matter?

The Book is a lie.
Look past the bullshit of man.
Listen to the air.
Haiku #58632, by df
June 19, 2018 8:58 pm ET

he sees hell, i see
paradise, falling apart
he talks to the air

Haiku #58631, by vhs
June 19, 2018 9:51 am ET

We'll feed the childen...
To the large crocodiles.
For making handbags.

Rich woman luggage.
Emotional baggage claim.
The latch will soon burst.

The children and crocs
are laughing from the fiery
deep furnace of hell.

She bought the stairway.
The one going to heaven.
Now escalator.

Large mall salvation.
Let's count all the luggage stores.
Play area closed.

Now it's a fountain.
Filled with large crocodiles.
To feed children to.

Bright Botox grin.
Enormous inflated lips.
Caked on face powder.

There is no joy like
discounted liposuction
to middle-aged whores.

I AM a robot.
Haiku #58630, by Darth Figpucker of Any Shopping Mall Anywhere
June 18, 2018 9:50 pm ET

Feed your children nothing but hotdogs, fries, and frozen pizza. See how fat you cab make them. Blame Facebook and Minecrap.
Haiku #58629, by Anonymous Poet
June 18, 2018 12:05 pm ET

or we could just say
ignore you, wait for cali
to get middle class

again, say Trump at
oportune times to trigger
angry socialists
Haiku #58628, by vhs
June 18, 2018 11:19 am ET

Imagine an advanced civilization recovering from wars and pollution, on the verge of mending its evil ways and come back from the brink of utter destruction, only to be wiped out by a virus. There is one sole survivor who developed a cure, but too late to save the species. He keeps samples of the virus alive, he programs AI robots to care for the virus after he is gone. The instructions are simple. Don't let them die, but occasionally shock the system with some devastating blow so that many of them are killed. The survivors will have better traits and thus selective mutation will occur. This continues for countless millions of years until the virus becomes sentient and forms and advanced civilization, only to be destroyed by the invisible robot overlords, now hiding on a distant planet. The virus has become the human race. STDs, flu, etc. were put here by the robots. We deserve our torture.

Coke-a-Cola baking soda catheter.
Haiku #58627, by Professor Darth Figpucker of Vogon College of Spoken Word Poetry
June 18, 2018 4:07 am ET

Patient complains of
Aches and chills, Dr. DF
Prescribes the Bird Flu
Haiku #58626, by Rick Sanchez of Dimension C-137
June 18, 2018 2:48 am ET

You are invited
To take all your own advice
Haiku #58625, by Lion Some Day
June 18, 2018 2:43 am ET

Life's not worth living.
Work your ass off all day long.
You're left with nothing.

Kill yourself today.
Make room for some other fool
to be unhappy.

The world is dying.
Your existence makes it worse.
You'd make good bear food.

Take some LSD.
Get eaten by a lion.
It is for the best.
Haiku #58624, by Darth Figpucker
June 18, 2018 1:26 am ET

I love when Maury
says "You are NOT the father."
Lucky SOBs.
Haiku #58623, by Darth Figpucker of Happy NOT the Father's Day
June 18, 2018 1:15 am ET

i am not a ro....
i am not a....Boom!
Haiku #58622, by vhs
June 17, 2018 5:32 pm ET

I was ripping off
W. C. Fields. Duh!
Happy Bastards Day!
Haiku #58621, by df
June 17, 2018 3:43 am ET