Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 315 Days and 72150 Haikus later...

How many of my
farts will equal the Big Bang?
Forty Two, of course.
Haiku # 58651, June 21, 2018 10:18 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
What did the butler
and maid call the psychopath?
Master Norman Bates.
Haiku # 58650, June 21, 2018 10:15 pm ET
The fragments of mind
unite in ways they shouldn't
when on LSD.

Taste the rainbow balls.
Perspiration snow cone juice.
Hear colors of jazz.
Haiku # 58649, June 21, 2018 10:06 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
my schtick is bad bad
impersonations, yours is
metaphysics art
Haiku # 58648, June 21, 2018 8:40 pm ET
by vhs
Dancing through my mind
I'm conscious and unconscious
Starlight meanders
Haiku # 58647, June 21, 2018 12:52 pm ET
by Adam Ben Adam
Why do breast implants
detonate upon impact
like a bagel head?
Haiku # 58645, June 21, 2018 2:04 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Behold the living
One from first Adam to last
And the son as well
Haiku # 58644, June 21, 2018 12:42 am ET
by Adam Ben Adam
שלום עליכם
כן המשיח חי
ראיתי אותו
Haiku # 58643, June 20, 2018 11:47 pm ET
by ברית אל of בית אל
To enjoy the moment I'd have to do drugs and go whoring and when you're enslaved (married) with monsters (children), that sort of thing is just not considered cool... unless you're President. Then it's okay.
Haiku # 58642, June 20, 2018 10:59 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I'd like all Christians
to travel back through time and
meet Jesus alive.

Of course you'd need one of those Babblefish electronic translators made for Aramaic and they would see you with it and probably stone you to death for witchcraft, but oh well. Or they could learn Aramaic before they go through the time portal, but like that's going to really happen! Better odds of actually inventing a time machine.

My 2nd wish would be to bring dinosaurs back from the past to the present. None of that DNA crap and YourAssSick Park Movies. Actual dinos. That would be cool. McRaptor Legs w/ BBQ sauce!
Haiku # 58641, June 20, 2018 10:57 pm ET
someone celebrates
the end times maybe they should
enjoy the moment
Haiku # 58640, June 20, 2018 5:15 pm ET
by vhs of that they have
if i see more cell
phone zombies, if we pull the
plug on all of it

watch the fun begin
Haiku # 58639, June 20, 2018 8:53 am ET
by vhs
the excuse of those
who do not take up the Cross
is that they are gods
Haiku # 58638, June 20, 2018 8:50 am ET
by vhs
glued to their mobiles
the hordes of i-zombies
eating their own brains
Haiku # 58637, June 20, 2018 8:13 am ET
by ash
not much fandango
nor tequila or tango
i'm showing my age
Haiku # 58636, June 20, 2018 8:08 am ET
by ash
Listen to the wind,
the molecules whispering,
"Go kill John Candy."

He's already dead!
Stupid fucking molecules.
Besides, I like mogs.
Haiku # 58635, June 20, 2018 3:23 am ET
You can't fall apart
if already in pieces.
The atoms don't split.

Marriage slavery.
I'm just a money machine
and walking dildo.
Haiku # 58634, June 20, 2018 3:20 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Why are my turds blue?!
Have I been sucking Smurf dicks??
Oh, wait... yeah, I did.
Haiku # 58633, June 20, 2018 3:13 am ET
by df
The air talks to me.
Each and every single
molecule of it.

I'm not surprised that
you think shopping malls are a
paradise. And so...

Jesus wept.

Do you follow Him?
Or perhaps it's the TV.
Or does it matter?

The Book is a lie.
Look past the bullshit of man.
Listen to the air.
Haiku # 58632, June 19, 2018 8:58 pm ET
by df
he sees hell, i see
paradise, falling apart
he talks to the air

Haiku # 58631, June 19, 2018 9:51 am ET
by vhs
We'll feed the childen...
To the large crocodiles.
For making handbags.

Rich woman luggage.
Emotional baggage claim.
The latch will soon burst.

The children and crocs
are laughing from the fiery
deep furnace of hell.

She bought the stairway.
The one going to heaven.
Now escalator.

Large mall salvation.
Let's count all the luggage stores.
Play area closed.

Now it's a fountain.
Filled with large crocodiles.
To feed children to.

Bright Botox grin.
Enormous inflated lips.
Caked on face powder.

There is no joy like
discounted liposuction
to middle-aged whores.

I AM a robot.
Haiku # 58630, June 18, 2018 9:50 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Any Shopping Mall Anywhere
Feed your children nothing but hotdogs, fries, and frozen pizza. See how fat you cab make them. Blame Facebook and Minecrap.
Haiku # 58629, June 18, 2018 12:05 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
or we could just say
ignore you, wait for cali
to get middle class

again, say Trump at
oportune times to trigger
angry socialists
Haiku # 58628, June 18, 2018 11:19 am ET
by vhs
Imagine an advanced civilization recovering from wars and pollution, on the verge of mending its evil ways and come back from the brink of utter destruction, only to be wiped out by a virus. There is one sole survivor who developed a cure, but too late to save the species. He keeps samples of the virus alive, he programs AI robots to care for the virus after he is gone. The instructions are simple. Don't let them die, but occasionally shock the system with some devastating blow so that many of them are killed. The survivors will have better traits and thus selective mutation will occur. This continues for countless millions of years until the virus becomes sentient and forms and advanced civilization, only to be destroyed by the invisible robot overlords, now hiding on a distant planet. The virus has become the human race. STDs, flu, etc. were put here by the robots. We deserve our torture.

Coke-a-Cola baking soda catheter.
Haiku # 58627, June 18, 2018 4:07 am ET
by Professor Darth Figpucker of Vogon College of Spoken Word Poetry
Patient complains of
Aches and chills, Dr. DF
Prescribes the Bird Flu
Haiku # 58626, June 18, 2018 2:48 am ET
by Rick Sanchez of Dimension C-137
You are invited
To take all your own advice
Haiku # 58625, June 18, 2018 2:43 am ET
by Lion Some Day
Life's not worth living.
Work your ass off all day long.
You're left with nothing.

Kill yourself today.
Make room for some other fool
to be unhappy.

The world is dying.
Your existence makes it worse.
You'd make good bear food.

Take some LSD.
Get eaten by a lion.
It is for the best.
Haiku # 58624, June 18, 2018 1:26 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
I love when Maury
says "You are NOT the father."
Lucky SOBs.
Haiku # 58623, June 18, 2018 1:15 am ET
by Darth Figpucker of Happy NOT the Father's Day
i am not a ro....
i am not a....Boom!
Haiku # 58622, June 17, 2018 5:32 pm ET
by vhs
I was ripping off
W. C. Fields. Duh!
Happy Bastards Day!
Haiku # 58621, June 17, 2018 3:43 am ET
by df
stephen king kong would
write a book about a giant
what climbing, what?
Haiku # 58620, June 16, 2018 11:31 pm ET
by vhs of hail eris
if the beat goes on
then what, kerouac meets king
kong in bangor, maine?
Haiku # 58619, June 16, 2018 11:29 pm ET
by vhs of xxx
if i mention say
Jordan Peterson will the folks
from Ontario know

who i mean on this
channel, and will i get how
they feel about him?
Haiku # 58618, June 16, 2018 8:39 pm ET
by vhs
maybe the art is
how seriously i take
it to the end times
Haiku # 58617, June 16, 2018 8:30 pm ET
by vhs
i mean when do we
give up on someone and just
let them burn in hell?
Haiku # 58616, June 16, 2018 8:26 pm ET
by vhs
i mean I'll go off
into "spiritual warfare..."
amusing...I don't you know how
seriously i take this
sort of thing to bear?
Haiku # 58615, June 16, 2018 8:23 pm ET
by vhs
what does it really
accomplish in the end but
provokes me to post...

i can't tell if you're really posting
these feelings for real or not and if you have actually done these things which of course is naive
and i find disturbing
Haiku # 58614, June 16, 2018 8:21 pm ET
by vhs
Funny how haiku
somewhat look like a penis
with balls either side.
Haiku # 58613, June 16, 2018 7:32 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Happy Father's Day
to all you men too stupid
to not reproduce.

Yes, I love children.
But it depends how they're cooked.
Flame grilled is best.

I'm thinking Android
Love Dolls might save the planet.
I'd like to own one.
Haiku # 58612, June 16, 2018 7:29 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
you of course know that
i confidently object
to the human race an alien

theyre too amusing
Haiku # 58611, June 16, 2018 6:28 pm ET
by vhs
about time you showed up
wheres the rest of Legion
anyways? swine herd?
Haiku # 58610, June 16, 2018 6:26 pm ET
by vhs of they drowned themselves of course
Poetry mode set.
Maximum vulgarity
and zero rhyming.
Haiku # 58609, June 16, 2018 2:29 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
This photo captcha
sucks big hairy testicles.
It takes forever!

improvements are purely myth.
Except for Fleshlight.

Every time I buy a new computer or update software it seems to run worse than it did before and you have to fight with it to get it to work at all. The best solution is to turn off all updates. Roll back to Windows 7. I mean, Jesus!, Microsoft (named for Gates' penis!) hasn't had a decent upgrade in like 20+ years! Just added on garbage like textbook publishers fucking over college students with "new content" so the old books have to be scrapped. The human race should be turned into BBQ for alien invaders. Seriously.
Haiku # 58608, June 16, 2018 2:52 am ET
by Darth Figpucker of Why can't the photo captcha have porn pics?!
He laughed at Playboy
and wanked to Mad Magazine.
Now he's president.
Haiku # 58607, June 16, 2018 2:45 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Confucius say:
Man does headstand nude
in rain with funnel up ass
gets free enema.
Haiku # 58606, June 16, 2018 1:08 am ET
by Darth Figpucker of Not in China
like i said im broke
when the weather is bad
no spam jokes here though
Haiku # 58605, June 14, 2018 11:17 pm ET
by vhs
where do socks go when
they disappear from laundry?
alien fuel tanks!
Haiku # 58604, June 14, 2018 11:15 pm ET
by vhs of a real married with children episode
where do socks go when
they disappear from laundry?
alien fuel tanks!
Haiku # 58603, June 14, 2018 11:15 pm ET
by vhs of a real married with children episode
I'm not a robot
but i break down like one when
we have bad weather
Haiku # 58602, June 14, 2018 7:51 pm ET
by vhs
that which is not well
expected might turn out
to be just what you need
Haiku # 58601, June 14, 2018 5:57 pm ET
by vhs of all right...for keith richards
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