BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
347 Days
68480 Haikus
hmm i understand
words better if you don't mind
guys will be guys though
Haiku #57684, by vhs
November 24, 2017 12:16 pm ET

The meaning of life
One's life can have a meaning
I don't know how to quantify that
Haiku #57683, by dvd of took high school algebra 3 times and didn't pass until grumpy mr wright was my algebra teacher
November 24, 2017 1:25 am ET

The meaning of life
Is it a variable
In the equation ?
Haiku #57682, by You boys suck at math of Arabs invented your numbers
November 24, 2017 12:04 am ET

if it were a bad
haiku on thanksgiving it
would be a turkey

so stuff it as you will
and cover it with gravy
Haiku #57681, by vhs
November 23, 2017 3:56 pm ET

happy thanksgiving
forty two is the answer
what is the question?
Haiku #57680, by vhs
November 22, 2017 6:26 pm ET

Happy Thanksgiving.
Eat lots of sweet potato,
turkey and gravy.
Haiku #57679, by Darth Figpucker
November 22, 2017 1:19 am ET

difference is that
I'd end up marrying one
of the green girls there

don't tell De, he thinks
if the girl is green she gone
past experation
Haiku #57678, by vhs
November 21, 2017 6:08 pm ET

None of the theorems contain an equality. In language they call that an incomplete sentence.
It is believed that as the dimensionality of the Madelung constant is increased that it diverges or approaches infinity. No one has proved this, to my knowledge. It's not as sexy as twin primes or Reimann or why did the chicken cross an arbitrary plane of existence and uniqueness when it could have just as easily stayed home in the roost keeping its eggs warm.
Chickens should be called roosters -- they stay in the roost. Roosters should be called COCKS.
Been a while since I've seen a good cock fight. Sabong. NYSE old days.
Drunk enough, I just might try balot eggs afterwards. Assuming I still have 50 pesos left.
Haiku #57677, by Darth Figpucker
November 21, 2017 2:44 am ET

If vhs was captain of the Enterprise
Instead of James T Kirk
I don't think much would change
Scotty would be as stressed as ever
But most importantly
I know vhs would be seeking out alien Females with the same zeal
All he needs is warp drive capability
Haiku #57676, by dvd
November 20, 2017 11:07 pm ET

(# of herps) / (# of derps) + (# of cigarettes smoked per hour) - (# of tins of bacon flavored chewing tobacco consumed) ^ (angular momentum of chicken tender upon consumption)
Haiku #57675, by dvd
November 20, 2017 10:51 pm ET

(# of burgers) / (# of Sue B impersonations per minute) + (# of degrees cap is askew) - (liberal to conservative ratio) ^ (# of kittens currently in lap)
Haiku #57674, by dvd
November 20, 2017 10:41 pm ET

the old folks try to
set limits on the younger
knowing too well their

time is coming
Haiku #57673, by vhs
November 20, 2017 8:47 pm ET

Marilyn Manson?
I didn't know she was ill.
Tainted Love loved taint.
Haiku #57672, by Anonymous Poet
November 20, 2017 8:13 am ET

mugabe, manson
keep it in the family
is their common theme
Haiku #57671, by ash
November 20, 2017 7:41 am ET

The witches are false.
They refuse to eat children.
Oh, but they'll drink beer!
Haiku #57670, by Anonymous Poet
November 20, 2017 3:05 am ET

Rather than the death penalty, murderers should be kept on public display, much like at a zoo, where we could pay to speak to them and be entertained. The money made would easily pay for the prison as well as victim compensations. Sadly, we live in a "civilized" society, not a sane one.
Haiku #57669, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2017 11:09 pm ET

So Manson's near death.
Strangely I do not feel sad.
He brought much laughter.
Haiku #57668, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2017 11:06 pm ET

I'd like some absinthe.
The real McCoy with wormwood.
For breakfast and lunch.
Haiku #57667, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2017 11:04 pm ET

Enlightenment calls.
Well, I feel lighter, for sure.
Perhaps it's the prunes.
Haiku #57666, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2017 11:02 pm ET

Asian grocery.
Aleister Crowley's ice box.
Grandma's thawed freezer.
Haiku #57665, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2017 11:00 pm ET

Again the word Calle
is part of the captcha code
and I don't like it.
Haiku #57664, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2017 10:55 pm ET

Sexual assault.
Jim Henson and The Muppets.
Haiku #57663, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2017 10:53 pm ET

The Department of
Interspecies Relations
and Gene Enhancements.
Haiku #57662, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2017 10:51 pm ET

well Doctor Shark (I)
(like that better than "DF)
Apple Core is all
Haiku #57661, by vhs
November 18, 2017 11:53 am ET

The Doctor is IN.
I would prescribe nelusko.
Or tiramisu.

And cappuccino.
Perhaps then a titty bar.
And imported beer.

Caffeine and sugar.
Then a hard-on and spirits.
What is there to lose.

If you never sin,
then Jesus died for nothing.
Trust Doc Figpucker.

But seriously,
get out and enjoy yourself.
Don't be a pussy.
Haiku #57660, by df
November 18, 2017 3:27 am ET

blood thickening chill
perhaps the cure is a pill
Or, potato chips
Haiku #57659, by Anonymous Poet
November 18, 2017 3:04 am ET

alternatives, worse
to live these days, is a curse
still, people have hope
Haiku #57658, by Adorable Kittens
November 18, 2017 1:15 am ET

this is one of those
days which makes me question if
living is worth it
Haiku #57657, by vhs
November 17, 2017 7:04 pm ET

It's an orgasm
from eating nelusko cake.
(Mocha praline cake.)

Marie Antoinette
said let them eat Nelusko.
So that's what I did.

But it made a mess.
Next time I'll put some napkins
in my underwear.
Haiku #57656, by df
November 17, 2017 3:31 am ET

Go ahead, tell us.
What does your fancy word mean?
Do we want to know?
Haiku #57655, by Adorable Kittens
November 16, 2017 11:01 pm ET

That's the new word for the day.
I just made it up.
Haiku #57654, by df
November 16, 2017 8:45 pm ET

so, maybe at last
peace has come to zimbabwe
after some delay
Haiku #57653, by ash
November 16, 2017 7:29 pm ET

well if i mention
processed foods to you it will
stoke your left leaning

boomer tree hugging
silliness we have all come
to know you for now

even if we ourselves
agree with much of the ethos
less spam, more fish
Haiku #57652, by vhs
November 16, 2017 6:04 pm ET

I'm going out now.
Umbrella, hopping puddles.
I love my black drug.

Maybe I'll have cake.
And I just might eat it too.
Because, hey, I can.
Haiku #57651, by Darth Figpucker is now in search of caffeine in almost any form.
November 16, 2017 3:07 am ET

I need a coffee!
Caribou cappuccino.
Yes, that's a real thing.

Caribou milk cap.
Except it's raining right now.
Fucking November.

I wonder if the coffee trees were fertilized by caribou poo.
It's quite possible. And if you've never tried civet cat coffee, then you should. Look it up. It's not bad, but they cage the poor animals and abuse them to get the raw coffee beans, so I won't try it again. And it's way overpriced. Maybe you shouldn't try it.

I just farted. Nothing special.

Crocodile pot pie.
Haiku #57650, by Anonymous Poet
November 16, 2017 3:03 am ET

What's grosser than eating poop?
Eating Spam poop! Spam poop that's been pooped by Spam. Processed pressure cooked inverted pork rectums and grizzle, preserved and canned, force fed to a fat pig (pre-Spam, if you will) for months, eating nothing but Spam, just so you can collect the pre-Spam Spam poo for a poo that's more disgusting to eat than regular poo.

That's for you, vhs, since you seem obsessed w/ Spam lately. I fucking hate processed foods and Spam is the epitome of disgusting. Stroke-inducing artery-clogging garbage. So there you have it.

But it's better than gold in the Philippines! Christ, they'll trade their own children for a case of imported American Spam. And that's no shit.
Haiku #57649, by Anonymous Poet
November 16, 2017 2:56 am ET

It's much more fun to
throw your poop than to eat it.
More so near a fan.
Haiku #57648, by df
November 16, 2017 2:45 am ET

so the snakes eat their
own shit, human catepillar
Haiku #57647, by vhs
November 15, 2017 5:13 pm ET

First food grows from poop
It's eaten and turned to poop
Ouroboros: poop
Haiku #57646, by Atlas Pooped
November 14, 2017 10:36 pm ET

spam spam, eggs and spam
lobster thermidor with spam
a spam rum cake w/spam
Haiku #57645, by vhs
November 14, 2017 8:28 pm ET

Rum rum rum rum rum.
Rum rum rum rum rum rum rum.
Rum rum rum rum rum.
Haiku #57644, by df of Captain Morgan's nuclear submarine.
November 14, 2017 7:49 pm ET

with my mind on my
money and my money on my
mind, etc....etc...
Haiku #57643, by vhs of gin and juice
November 14, 2017 6:41 pm ET

If I had to choose...
I'd eat bugs before people
But I'm not certain
Haiku #57642, by Mandingo Ebola of Captcha is "gracias barrio"...hmmm
November 14, 2017 1:07 am ET

I missed your birthday!
Oooh, but I love your perfume
Smells like shame and gin.
Haiku #57641, by Mandingo Ebola of Butt bongos
November 14, 2017 12:59 am ET

So has anyone here ever tried stir fried scorpions in Thailand?
Personally I prefer the grasshoppers. They're pretty tasty, but I don't like the legs -- too spiny and you have to chew them up really well so they don't stick in your throat.
The scorpions kind of have an exotic bird liver sort of flavor. I'm not wild about liver, but it was different. Maybe if it had onion or garlic with it.
Didn't care for the beetles or crickets at all.
Haiku #57640, by df
November 13, 2017 7:00 pm ET

Jin, Jinn, Djin,.... as long as it's not Gin. I fucking hate gin.

And there's always a bigger prime rib.
Haiku #57639, by df
November 13, 2017 6:56 pm ET

no that was Qui Gon
Jin DF...and i need to
fill in five more spots
Haiku #57638, by vhs
November 13, 2017 6:41 pm ET

it seems to me we
are in Scorpio so this
shares my sign as well
Haiku #57637, by vhs
November 12, 2017 6:30 pm ET

seems louis c.k.
that a bit of a wanker
is only the tip
Haiku #57636, by ash
November 12, 2017 12:31 am ET

We must quote Star Wars.
"There's always a bigger fish".
--Master Quigon Jin

Or maybe that was Euclid.
Haiku #57635, by df
November 11, 2017 10:08 pm ET