Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 243 Days and 77168 Haiku later...

If vhs was captain of the Enterprise
Instead of James T Kirk
I don't think much would change
Scotty would be as stressed as ever
But most importantly
I know vhs would be seeking out alien Females with the same zeal
All he needs is warp drive capability
Haiku # 57676, November 20, 2017 11:07 pm ET
by dvd
(# of herps) / (# of derps) + (# of cigarettes smoked per hour) - (# of tins of bacon flavored chewing tobacco consumed) ^ (angular momentum of chicken tender upon consumption)
Haiku # 57675, November 20, 2017 10:51 pm ET
by dvd
(# of burgers) / (# of Sue B impersonations per minute) + (# of degrees cap is askew) - (liberal to conservative ratio) ^ (# of kittens currently in lap)
Haiku # 57674, November 20, 2017 10:41 pm ET
by dvd
the old folks try to
set limits on the younger
knowing too well their

time is coming
Haiku # 57673, November 20, 2017 8:47 pm ET
by vhs
Marilyn Manson?
I didn't know she was ill.
Tainted Love loved taint.
Haiku # 57672, November 20, 2017 8:13 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
mugabe, manson
keep it in the family
is their common theme
Haiku # 57671, November 20, 2017 7:41 am ET
by ash
The witches are false.
They refuse to eat children.
Oh, but they'll drink beer!
Haiku # 57670, November 20, 2017 3:05 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Rather than the death penalty, murderers should be kept on public display, much like at a zoo, where we could pay to speak to them and be entertained. The money made would easily pay for the prison as well as victim compensations. Sadly, we live in a "civilized" society, not a sane one.
Haiku # 57669, November 19, 2017 11:09 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
So Manson's near death.
Strangely I do not feel sad.
He brought much laughter.
Haiku # 57668, November 19, 2017 11:06 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I'd like some absinthe.
The real McCoy with wormwood.
For breakfast and lunch.
Haiku # 57667, November 19, 2017 11:04 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Enlightenment calls.
Well, I feel lighter, for sure.
Perhaps it's the prunes.
Haiku # 57666, November 19, 2017 11:02 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Asian grocery.
Aleister Crowley's ice box.
Grandma's thawed freezer.
Haiku # 57665, November 19, 2017 11:00 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Again the word Calle
is part of the captcha code
and I don't like it.
Haiku # 57664, November 19, 2017 10:55 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Sexual assault.
Jim Henson and The Muppets.
Haiku # 57663, November 19, 2017 10:53 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
The Department of
Interspecies Relations
and Gene Enhancements.
Haiku # 57662, November 19, 2017 10:51 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
well Doctor Shark (I)
(like that better than "DF)
Apple Core is all
Haiku # 57661, November 18, 2017 11:53 am ET
by vhs
The Doctor is IN.
I would prescribe nelusko.
Or tiramisu.

And cappuccino.
Perhaps then a titty bar.
And imported beer.

Caffeine and sugar.
Then a hard-on and spirits.
What is there to lose.

If you never sin,
then Jesus died for nothing.
Trust Doc Figpucker.

But seriously,
get out and enjoy yourself.
Don't be a pussy.
Haiku # 57660, November 18, 2017 3:27 am ET
by df
blood thickening chill
perhaps the cure is a pill
Or, potato chips
Haiku # 57659, November 18, 2017 3:04 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
alternatives, worse
to live these days, is a curse
still, people have hope
Haiku # 57658, November 18, 2017 1:15 am ET
by Adorable Kittens
this is one of those
days which makes me question if
living is worth it
Haiku # 57657, November 17, 2017 7:04 pm ET
by vhs
It's an orgasm
from eating nelusko cake.
(Mocha praline cake.)

Marie Antoinette
said let them eat Nelusko.
So that's what I did.

But it made a mess.
Next time I'll put some napkins
in my underwear.
Haiku # 57656, November 17, 2017 3:31 am ET
by df
Go ahead, tell us.
What does your fancy word mean?
Do we want to know?
Haiku # 57655, November 16, 2017 11:01 pm ET
by Adorable Kittens
That's the new word for the day.
I just made it up.
Haiku # 57654, November 16, 2017 8:45 pm ET
by df
so, maybe at last
peace has come to zimbabwe
after some delay
Haiku # 57653, November 16, 2017 7:29 pm ET
by ash
well if i mention
processed foods to you it will
stoke your left leaning

boomer tree hugging
silliness we have all come
to know you for now

even if we ourselves
agree with much of the ethos
less spam, more fish
Haiku # 57652, November 16, 2017 6:04 pm ET
by vhs
I'm going out now.
Umbrella, hopping puddles.
I love my black drug.

Maybe I'll have cake.
And I just might eat it too.
Because, hey, I can.
Haiku # 57651, November 16, 2017 3:07 am ET
by Darth Figpucker is now in search of caffeine in almost any form.
I need a coffee!
Caribou cappuccino.
Yes, that's a real thing.

Caribou milk cap.
Except it's raining right now.
Fucking November.

I wonder if the coffee trees were fertilized by caribou poo.
It's quite possible. And if you've never tried civet cat coffee, then you should. Look it up. It's not bad, but they cage the poor animals and abuse them to get the raw coffee beans, so I won't try it again. And it's way overpriced. Maybe you shouldn't try it.

I just farted. Nothing special.

Crocodile pot pie.
Haiku # 57650, November 16, 2017 3:03 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
What's grosser than eating poop?
Eating Spam poop! Spam poop that's been pooped by Spam. Processed pressure cooked inverted pork rectums and grizzle, preserved and canned, force fed to a fat pig (pre-Spam, if you will) for months, eating nothing but Spam, just so you can collect the pre-Spam Spam poo for a poo that's more disgusting to eat than regular poo.

That's for you, vhs, since you seem obsessed w/ Spam lately. I fucking hate processed foods and Spam is the epitome of disgusting. Stroke-inducing artery-clogging garbage. So there you have it.

But it's better than gold in the Philippines! Christ, they'll trade their own children for a case of imported American Spam. And that's no shit.
Haiku # 57649, November 16, 2017 2:56 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
It's much more fun to
throw your poop than to eat it.
More so near a fan.
Haiku # 57648, November 16, 2017 2:45 am ET
by df
so the snakes eat their
own shit, human catepillar
Haiku # 57647, November 15, 2017 5:13 pm ET
by vhs
First food grows from poop
It's eaten and turned to poop
Ouroboros: poop
Haiku # 57646, November 14, 2017 10:36 pm ET
by Atlas Pooped
spam spam, eggs and spam
lobster thermidor with spam
a spam rum cake w/spam
Haiku # 57645, November 14, 2017 8:28 pm ET
by vhs
Rum rum rum rum rum.
Rum rum rum rum rum rum rum.
Rum rum rum rum rum.
Haiku # 57644, November 14, 2017 7:49 pm ET
by df of Captain Morgan's nuclear submarine.
with my mind on my
money and my money on my
mind, etc....etc...
Haiku # 57643, November 14, 2017 6:41 pm ET
by vhs of gin and juice
If I had to choose...
I'd eat bugs before people
But I'm not certain
Haiku # 57642, November 14, 2017 1:07 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola of Captcha is "gracias barrio"...hmmm
I missed your birthday!
Oooh, but I love your perfume
Smells like shame and gin.
Haiku # 57641, November 14, 2017 12:59 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola of Butt bongos
So has anyone here ever tried stir fried scorpions in Thailand?
Personally I prefer the grasshoppers. They're pretty tasty, but I don't like the legs -- too spiny and you have to chew them up really well so they don't stick in your throat.
The scorpions kind of have an exotic bird liver sort of flavor. I'm not wild about liver, but it was different. Maybe if it had onion or garlic with it.
Didn't care for the beetles or crickets at all.
Haiku # 57640, November 13, 2017 7:00 pm ET
by df
Jin, Jinn, Djin,.... as long as it's not Gin. I fucking hate gin.

And there's always a bigger prime rib.
Haiku # 57639, November 13, 2017 6:56 pm ET
by df
no that was Qui Gon
Jin DF...and i need to
fill in five more spots
Haiku # 57638, November 13, 2017 6:41 pm ET
by vhs
it seems to me we
are in Scorpio so this
shares my sign as well
Haiku # 57637, November 12, 2017 6:30 pm ET
by vhs
seems louis c.k.
that a bit of a wanker
is only the tip
Haiku # 57636, November 12, 2017 12:31 am ET
by ash
We must quote Star Wars.
"There's always a bigger fish".
--Master Quigon Jin

Or maybe that was Euclid.
Haiku # 57635, November 11, 2017 10:08 pm ET
by df
Graham's number stuck in your head?
Why, was he a fantastic date and you don't want to lose his contact info.
Just "like" him on Farcebook the way everyone else does.
Personally, I have Graham's crackers stuck in my bowels.
I should have bought some prune juice.
Oh, but those crackers didn't get in my bowels by the normal route.
I can see why you don't want to forget his number.
Graham is wild one! He iterated me all night long and could have kept going.
Haiku # 57634, November 11, 2017 10:05 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
it never grows up
that's part of the attraction
but it has grown old

congratulations, janice !
who would have though last century that this dinosaur would still roam the interweb ?
Haiku # 57633, November 11, 2017 9:20 pm ET
by ash
and despite me! or
you know a posessed ladder
walking down a hill!
Haiku # 57632, November 11, 2017 8:11 pm ET
by vhs
twenty-one years old ?
defying expectations
bad haiku rocks on !
Haiku # 57631, November 11, 2017 7:13 pm ET
by ash
Graham's number is
stuck in my mind, bigger than
the universe but

not my insecure
but almost infinite bald
head of an ego
Haiku # 57630, November 10, 2017 9:31 pm ET
by vhs
this room is a sharp
void for now, spreading cheddar
cheese across the globe
Haiku # 57629, November 10, 2017 9:22 pm ET
by vhs
reaction response
it is the animal in
each man and woman
Haiku # 57628, November 10, 2017 12:53 pm ET
by vhs
ah cynicism
gives me hope and is quite so
delicious to me

ironic no?
Haiku # 57627, November 9, 2017 8:33 pm ET
by vhs
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