BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
283 Days
65626 Haikus
And then there's me -- igniting my thunderous flatus with the embers whilst displaying my blistered bleeding horrid hemorrhoids to those who just want to huddle around the fire for warmth and food.

I think in some circles that's called being an evil rat bastard.
Who am I to argue.
Haiku #56478, by Anonymous Poet
May 19, 2017 10:43 pm ET

People have said that since the first camp fire.
Haiku #56477, by df
May 19, 2017 7:47 pm ET

I'm at a point in
my life where i want to just drop
out of society

and let society
just utterly burn itself
out and just cave in

so people can put
things back in order and make
this stuff work again
Haiku #56476, by vhs
May 19, 2017 12:57 pm ET

well there will always
be crybabies, i met mine last
night within me, so

if you can't take a
joke, call it racism, use
the law to censor

it and then lead the
new social pariah
to feel they can't breathe
Haiku #56475, by vhs
May 19, 2017 11:08 am ET

Now I must go take my kids to some shitty movie... fun fun fun.

I guess I could sit in the back row with my computer and headphones and watch porn.

Only a real creep would even think along those lines, huh?

Okay, okay... Take a dump and off I go.
Haiku #56474, by Anonymous Poet
May 19, 2017 2:39 am ET

Hillary Hellery Celery.
She should have eaten celery instead of all those booger burgers.
Her ass is way too fat for anyone to mock her.
This isn't mocking. This is real news.
--Darth Figpucker, CNN Reporter

If she were president, we could threaten our enemies with her immense ass as a gravity weapon. North Korea would have to submit and those missiles would just be swallowed up by her cellulite, which in her case is called celluheavy.
Haiku #56473, by Anonymous Poet
May 19, 2017 2:36 am ET

They are both shitty.
Politics is so dirty
I hate it that way
Haiku #56472, by T
May 18, 2017 3:16 pm ET

well if i mocked
hillary on here then i say
shes just too dull to

Haiku #56471, by vhs
May 18, 2017 12:49 pm ET
Haiku #56470, by elliott morrison of Houston, Tx
May 18, 2017 4:39 am ET

The real news is that
Trump is controlled by Russia
with gay sex photos.

From blackmail, Trump
will do whatever they say,
even nuke China.

The pics are on film,
not digital, and his wife
took the photographs.
Haiku #56469, by Anonymous Poet
May 17, 2017 10:49 pm ET

well the train is off
the tracks, and ann coulter is
getting off the stop
Haiku #56468, by vhs
May 17, 2017 12:57 pm ET

Are you saying there's
a picture of fries or spilled
fries on your t-shirt?

We must know these things.
Haiku #56467, by Anonymous Poet
May 17, 2017 2:53 am ET

the problem is I'm
wearing a t-shirt has french
fries on it, what gives?
Haiku #56466, by vhs
May 16, 2017 12:19 pm ET

I am a whorebeast.
Being as such, I have cash.
My pimps treat me right.
Haiku #56465, by Anonymous Poet
May 15, 2017 11:03 pm ET

if you sit in your
fucking basement all day and
contact other sorts

blame other people
for your own problems it's much
easier to be

a furry than it
is to be a productive
furry buys their own fur
Haiku #56464, by vhs
May 15, 2017 1:13 pm ET

internet whorebeasts!
unwilling or unable
to feel sympathy
Haiku #56463, by Anonymous Poet
May 15, 2017 1:17 am ET

current news problem
global cyber attack, thus
corporate news does

actually report
on something for once and now

in a haiku, i don't
know what the ex-satanist
will think of that one
Haiku #56462, by vhs
May 14, 2017 11:27 am ET

What's all the matter?
Did it go splatter on the platter?
The former or the latter?
Haiku #56461, by Anonymous Poet
May 14, 2017 9:37 am ET

what the hell what the
hell, hank hill is going nuts
right now, so am i
Haiku #56460, by vhs
May 13, 2017 10:56 am ET

I got what you intend, appreciate it for posting .Woh I am lucky to find this website through google. I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. by Steven Wright.
Haiku #56459, by ipeewtpw of USA
May 13, 2017 7:31 am ET

Hi there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it's truly informative. Im gonna watch out for brussels. I will appreciate if you continue this in future. Many people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!
Haiku #56458, by pyutuwee of USA
May 12, 2017 6:45 pm ET

Bill wasn't funny
you are funny. I'm trying
to keep up with your

mildly psychopathic
writing style. case in point
Gen X was minimalist

and liked girls in latex
Haiku #56457, by vhs
May 12, 2017 11:45 am ET

I am craving beef.
The whole entire carcass.
Gutted and butchered.

I'll crawl inside it.
Slowly eating my way out.
Just like Alien.
Haiku #56456, by Anonymous Poet
May 12, 2017 2:29 am ET

I still hate counting.
Numbers will make you turn gay.
Consider "The Count".

He almost caused the
breakup of Bert and Ernie.
Say No to Numbers!
Haiku #56455, by Anonymous Poet
May 12, 2017 2:25 am ET

Seriously though. Asian talent and game shows seem to have the most hideous and overplayed laugh track on the planet... not sure if all of Asia, but the Philippines certainly. Fucking hideous.
Haiku #56454, by Anonymous Poet
May 11, 2017 2:25 pm ET

No, no I haven't.
Attempted the book a long time ago... another lifetime ago, I think.
Never tried it since. Maybe time for it again.
But then... why read it if you live it?
Haiku #56453, by Anonymous Poet
May 11, 2017 2:16 pm ET

i take it you read
the snippet in naked lunch
about the talking asshole
Haiku #56452, by vhs
May 11, 2017 10:34 am ET

It's not very much fun when your hemorrhoids become sentient.
They've taken to singing theme songs from Asian game shows.
The laugh track is the worst.
It makes my ears bleed and fills my soul with hatred.
Colon cancer would be a most fitting death.
Haiku #56451, by ridge rockwood
May 11, 2017 12:25 am ET

*and call me Caitlyn....
shit I can't even complete a thought without fucking it up.
Christ... time for the nursing home. Get the Depends ready.
Haiku #56450, by carrer londo
May 11, 2017 12:17 am ET

Did you know that
SQRT(a ± b) = SQRT((a + u)/2) ± SQRT((a - u)/2)
if a > b > 0 and u = SQRT(a^2 - b^2)
I didn't know that and I've been doing this shit a long time.
What the fuck is wrong with me?!
Split my cock and Caitlyn.
Haiku #56449, by Exit road of another good captcha, but I like the previous one better
May 11, 2017 12:15 am ET

Modern Arial to Ground Assault?
Masturbation Anonymous Group Association?
My Ass Grinds Awkwardly?
Mi Amigo Gringo Asshole?
Micturition Anencephaly Grotesque Arbitration?
Haiku #56448, by irapuato pluguffan of My fave captcha so far
May 10, 2017 8:38 pm ET

lunch is the last thing
ever on my mind, as they burn
books in Cali to

save the digital
copies, cover their own sick mad
natures as we wait

for a generation
of worthless psychopaths to
die off so we can

rebuild America
MAGA doesn't seem like such
a bad idea right now
Haiku #56447, by vhs
May 10, 2017 1:03 pm ET

There's a small chance I could have worms.
Saw one in the toilet, but it wasn't after I'd pooped.
It was about 2 inches long, just wiggling around in there.
So, I took some worm meds.
Now I'm going to see Alien Covenant.
Haiku #56446, by df of dyke orsol
May 9, 2017 10:35 pm ET

no really, what is in spam?
Haiku #56445, by vhs
May 9, 2017 1:15 pm ET

watch the religious
digs, there's a part of me
that might forget that

i am SUPPOSED to
be a Christian but you know how
THAT works, history
Haiku #56444, by vhs
May 9, 2017 1:11 pm ET

you know you always
put me on the spot but as
always, truth to trolls

leftover ham mostly
the Russians liked it during
world war two. saved lots

vikings also seem to
like spam spam spam spam spam spam
but who likes Treet?
Haiku #56443, by vhs
May 9, 2017 1:06 pm ET

I like to learn things
Interesting article
Thank you for helping
Haiku #56442, by ipeeinmyownmouth of Chinese spam factory
May 9, 2017 1:16 am ET

Spam consists of ground up Chinese abortions and anti-communist sympathizers and the occasional religious person.
Shaved, put in a steam cooker with MSG, gelatin, and preservatives. Voila! Spam.

And you thought it was rejected pork scraps.
Haiku #56441, by Anonymous Poet
May 8, 2017 8:36 pm ET

now maybe we will
have the ingredients of
spam posted here next
Haiku #56440, by vhs
May 8, 2017 12:26 pm ET

Oh my goodness! an amazing article dude. Thanks Nonetheless I am experiencing issue with ur rss . Dont know why Unable to subscribe to it. Is there anybody getting similar rss drawback? Anybody who is aware of kindly respond. Thnkx
Haiku #56439, by opweeryp of USA
May 7, 2017 7:42 pm ET

well i think we just
got the ingredients to
cheetos that last post

i like cheetos
Haiku #56438, by vhs
May 7, 2017 1:57 pm ET

Vegetable oil (corn, canola, and/or sunflower) Cheese seasoning (whey, cheddar cheese [milk, cheese cultures, salt, enzymes], canola oil, maltodextrin [made from corn], salt, whey protein concentrate, monosodium glutamate, natural and artificial flavors, lactic acid, citric acid, artificial color [yellow 6]) Salt.

Just fucking because!
Haiku #56437, by Anonymous Poet
May 7, 2017 8:02 am ET

We'll, no matter what,
I wouldn't want to do his job.
Way too much stress there
Haiku #56436, by T
May 6, 2017 2:35 pm ET

i've known you for years
DPF, same gen as the
Donald himself, self

assured, word for
word, carrying signs and not
repairing bridges
Haiku #56435, by vhs
May 6, 2017 1:52 pm ET

He's a fucking Cheeto!
Artificial fluorescent obnoxious and bad for your health.
With a tiny little dick.
He should be eliminated.
Like burritos on Wednesday morning.
Haiku #56434, by Anonymous Poet
May 6, 2017 2:49 am ET

serious answer
he's a gemini, that kind
tend to be chaos

socially in mind
flittering from thought to thought
he thinks that if he

shows force then the world
will respect the USA
and respect the terms

of this country
Haiku #56433, by vhs
May 5, 2017 1:42 pm ET

Vaginas are horrible things and not to be trusted.
Look at all the damage they've done.
Eskimos for example.
If not for vaginas there would be no Eskimos.
Or Inuits. Whatever.
Haiku #56432, by Anonymous Poet
May 4, 2017 9:40 pm ET

Ive learn some excellent stuff here. Certainly worth bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how a lot attempt you set to create such a fantastic informative web site. dafcegaggffk
Haiku #56431, by twurytru of USA
May 4, 2017 2:17 pm ET

Serious question:
Is the president insane?
I just don't get him.
Haiku #56430, by T
May 4, 2017 2:09 pm ET

i don't FEEL like a
posting on here but you know
keep going on'non
Haiku #56429, by vhs
May 4, 2017 1:23 pm ET