Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

I should figure out
how to make New York pretzels.
I'll then quit my job.

And have much more time
to write my happy haiku
to lighten your days.

DFP Pretzels!
Just now hot from the oven!
Get 'em while they're fresh!

Only two dollars!
Cheese, mustard, lemon, garlic,
or road-kill raccoon!

That sounds pretty good.
Pretzels with lemon frosting.
Paired with German beer.

seems you're often down
but there were times we'd get down
and you wouldn't be

bitter and twisted
you're like a lemon pretzel
and way too salty

Legos do not bleed.
Although we'd like for them to.
So we fantasize.

Silly old pop songs
I love so many of them
So sexy it hurts

Right...said Fred... he's too
sexy for haiku oh no
i guess one will do...ooo

I'm not throwing out
vhs tapes, vhs.
You're just too sexy.

Hello!

we all have a death
wish in some form or other
i think one form of

it is "planned ob-
solecence" or however
we spell that term there

throw out dvds
throw out vhs tapes make
room for more new crap

Giant volcanoes
belching toxic gas over
the entire world.

I'd then be happy.
We'd not have caused our own end.
God's dark comedy.

Books can do great things
Foster imagination
Dinosaur stories

i worry most when i
see a generation go "whats
a.....book?" then go on

the smart tv and
see that there's millenials
with their own weblog

about their favorite books
to read, shows what i know, keep
going youtube...reader...

Sauropod flatus
similarly started
the dinosaurs end.

Methane greenhouse gas
had given rise to deserts
and less food to eat.

The asteroid then
finished off the lizards' reign.
What comes after us?

Will they dig up our
fossils to see our mistakes
and then learn from them?

Or will they get drunk,
watch football and politics,
and eat cheese burgers?

cow farts are killers
they will slowly seal our fate
getting their revenge

We should get back to
talking about flatulence
as a form of fuel.

gallons of water
across the world had salt etc etc
fukashima...well then

nuclear powered
water, poisoned so what do
we do about that???

well drink water or
something else but something else
has water in it

Oceans of potions
Can not give us the notions
To fix our big mess

There is no life here.
It is all in the ocean.
For a short while.

that it does and all
the short cuts were the path the
prodigal son took

the difficult path
turns out to be easier
in the long running

no, sometimes what's odd
is even keeled but thinks
like number seven

Hello!

It's odd how haiku
look like a hand turned sideways
giving the finger.

Over consumption
of Central American
cuisine bloats my gut.

Like a puffer fish,
a balloon ready to pop,
I thusly explode.

As lava erupts,
rivulets run hot and foul,
filling the caverns.

Below city streets,
the newborn life, if called that,
becomes self-aware.

I calculated
how many farts it would take
to make the Big Bang.

She sat in her pee,
homeless woman on the bus,
her private limo.

all the angry plots
movements in the past have all
turned to toast for "death"

it is the passage of time

so i hate losing
my lunch and calming down then
realizing hulk smashed

I think what pisses
me off most about psychos
trolls, terrorists and

the assholes who can
get away with muder and
keep drinking the blood

of the less courrpt
around them, so the joke is
do we become more

evil in order to
deal with the truly evil
and no one won

hmm?

and the tempting is
to punch the person who screams
"go fuck yourself" and

the Christ says turn the
other cheek, but respond, he
strikes first, you bring out

the weapon, draw blood
he cries victim, so there's the
damn paradox there

walk away from the God
damn psycho whom drove others
off here or keep on

engaging him till
perhaps his last day comes and
new voices can say what

they will because the
psycho is dead, time kills all
of us, good and bad

so fuck the SJWS
fuck the Communists
fuck Silicon Valley
fuck people who say fuck you
you will die
i will die
fuck you doesn't stop death
it may be today
it may be tomorrow
how will you be remembered
and will your death be new life
or death eternal
fuck us all
we all die
let that be a lesson to you

Go fuck yourself!

Hello!

Why does the word "calle"
always appear in captcha phrases
and what does it mean?

Keep the cash, return
the wallet filled with pooped on
Monopoly cash.

Demand a reward
in gross sexual favors
paid on Christmas Eve.

If you think that's bad,
you should see what I do with
the cell phones I find.

riding on the bus
you find wallet full of cash
What you do with it?

Why would you think that
I'd be an HA member?
(Haiku 'Nonomous.)

For step number 8,
Suck Matsuo Basho's farts
from an old clay jug.

They taste like frog legs
eaten under the moonlight
with magic mushrooms.

i suspect all my
talk of posting here will just
be me myself and

I...De La Soul in
the house when Rap had a chance
to be something, else

then again there's "Nerdcore"

i got a spam call
from Virginia today i
said i don't know a

person named Virginia

Hello!

well you know it's like
charlie at the bar where's he
at, oh he went to

AA but he'll be
back sucking down PBR
after Step 8 is done

I am not okay.
I don't see why I should be.
I'm fucking awesome!

Seriously though,
did you think something was wrong?
My life is boring.

Get out of my brain
you Goddamn syphillis germs!
Her name was Phyllis.

My vagina stinks.
Oh wait, I'm not a woman.
That would explain it.
--Bruce Jenner

Hello!

the next haiku just
seems an obligation that just
to keep on truckin'

Hello!