The clothes make the man.
Unless you live in China.
The man makes the clothes.

don't fear the reaper
tidying the rough edges
as he mows your lawn

Ready the monkeys!
My dingleberries are ripe.
Ready for harvest.

The noble gasses
Come from out of my asses.
Ideal they're not.

Nuclear decay.
Transmutated flatulence.
I'll eat beans tonight.

nobility's child
but avogadro's offspring
is a complete mol

it sits in her tray
crusted in kitty litter
a feline praline

Age settles softly.
A January snowfall.
There is no more life.

Did you know that the
Fibonacci remainders
are cyclic series?

What will be my lunch?
Fibonacci Alfredo
With Euler jizz sauce.

To Haiku Poets:

I hate all of you.
You think you're such good artists.
All you do is count.

Smoke grass, no nickel.
Direct current, m'lady.
My, but my butt... stinks.

Corpulent creature
awaiting in chains in pain
molten lead bath.

alas, no quarter
a recurrent malady
my butt... it itches

crapulent feature
awaiting some change in vain
frigid bath water

Spoogarificus.
Internet Anonymous.
Massdisturbation.

Pachyderm nostril.
Humping snuffalupagus.
Up his snuffle, Gus.

Wear transparent clothes.
Let them all see what you've got.
You can be famous.

You're a tabloid star.
Paparazzi pizza pie.
I'll beat off to it.

Go eat a treat Pete.
Manipulating word job
She thanked me with smiles

Watering the lawn
Trying to fill up the time
Between now and death

Don't fart too loudly.
Unless in Starbucks' bathroom.
Let them all hear you.

The Sunday crowd laughs.
Childish giggles suppressed.
You can take a bow.

There is nothing here.
Look no further for meaning.
It's not to be found.

I am drunk again.
Old Crow and Dr. Pepper.
I must now go puke.

Gun powder Ding Dong.
Abused pink skin whore kissed Rah.
Hope her man blood craps.

Goat powered ping pong
Confused penguin orchestra
Doberman mud flaps

haiku hiatus
been a long time between posts
janis is the shiz

That sounds fair to me
Your cat has been declawed right?
Otherwise, no thanks.

I guess that was me.
Apologies, my good man.
I was really drunk.

But to make things right,
you can poop in my yard too.
And wipe with my cat.

Who pooped in my yard?
Seriously, who does that?
Get a life douche bag!

And now they are back.
Boner spam before coffee.
That just isn't right.

Find them with "who is".
Email them scans of your ass.
It's all we can do.

Seriously though. I used to bait those "Nigerian prince" scammers and when I had them believing I would wire them money or give them bank info, I would scan my ass (all spread apart and showing the nasty bits and my balls too), attach it in a word doc, and email it to them. Fun times those were.

There should be none now
Goddammed fucking boner pills
Defacing my site.

When I'm president.
All spammers will be shot dead.
Without a trial.

Boy do I wonder
How many Viagra ads
There are on here

There is no need for
Your stupid pills and boner
Juice, please leave us now

My ass has talent.
I can fart with perfect pitch.
And not leave one stain.

We're the all singing,
all dancing crap of the world.
Hankey Christmas Poo.

The first rule of the
Haiku club is you don't talk
About haiku club

I met with the guy
He gave me blue crystal meth
Are you Walter White?

Germany wins cup
Now athletic supporters
Have drinking excuse

Every bomb used
will create more enemies
than it can destroy.

Did I see Alice?
She is down the rabbit hole.
But which pill to take?

Boner pills are great.
I need one that keeps me hard.
Post ejaculate.

If you saw Alice,
you would ejaculate too.
She is just that hot.

ambient vacuum
where silence assumes the helm
throb throb throb throb mmmm

My garbage ocean
Insatiable desire
Represses all dreams

Did you Cialis?
This is Viagra culture.
I can Levitrate!

The capture scares me,
but I press on, in struggle
to express something

we don't favour guns
our passive regressive team
censor their actions

No, Ash, you are wrong.
All the governments are cunts.
Control freaks with guns.

PMs of Aus / Can
Glaring fuckheads are they both
Cut from the same cloth

You think your job is
Bad. Not as bad as all the
V1494r4 spambots

i am quite ashamed
that my country's government
are a bunch of cunts

Read my bird like words.
Flittering around, pooping
On your minds' windshield

Here's a correction:
Say "I need to learn me some".
You'll sound more smarter.

Propane combustion.
Carbon dioxide cookoff.
Imminent demise.

Self-oxidizer.
Detonation enjoyment.
Have a happy Fourth.

I am not too smart.
Do big words make good poems?
I need to learn some.

You are child of wind
Replicate at your own cost
Dues paid anyway