Where did I put it?
I can't find my heart today.
You stole it last night.

Publishing haiku
has never been this easy!
Four fields and you're done!

Mix dihydrogen
with monoxide and you get
water, clean and pure.

Just sit yourself back
and I will tell you a tale
of a fateful trip.

Backward looking b's
We call them by many names.
Another is d.

badhaiku.com
Such a wonderful website
for my artistic works.

One Big Ass Mistake,
America. Lead no more.
Socialism kills.

Five-foot walls divide
me from my fellow workers.
Boss, tear down this wall!

Pain on my bottom.
Dripping blood from hemmorhoids.
Where is my donut.

Sunglasses of guile
hide my true ambitions well.
Never realized.

Peanuts or penis?
Both have nuts so delicious.
If you're hot, try mine.

What is bad haiku?
I do not know how to count
all the syllables.

I'm not a cat fan
But they do have their use's
To advance mankind

As in this pseudo-intellectual scientific approach to advanced cat yodelling.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxtG2wtE7TM

if you look closer
ducks struggle the same as swans
caught in an oil slick

ok ok...crack the nut
shatter the metaphor of
"skull", break my own shell

Aghhhh BS shut up
Shut up! Shut up! Please!!!!!
I'm begging you! Please!!!

Lets take a vote then
Honest! Do you read BS?
I don't that's for sure!

the boredom sets in
i up-end the chair to see
if the gay joke works

how embarrassing
lose that extra syllable
turning in my grave

no arguments please
just basic numeracy
how hard can that be ?

epitaph suggestions ?
though he's down for the count now
he gave good haiku

ice cold German beer
beach bods sailboats on parade
on the waterfront

Pushing perfection
on a site called BadHaiku
Who's being stupid?

Grapes of Wrath, reversed
Cal-ee-forn-i-a is bust
Move to Muskogee?

Grow your own food, dude
This depression can't be beat
Put your kids in debt

Recession over!
O Holy day, glorious
depression begins

Begs me to hurt her
until she cries, and then she
fucks like a dead fish?

I get hurt by this
place and I react, I hate
the stuff I write when

i do, it's not my best

out of anger "they"
embrace what is disdained by
those who "play the game"

fuck the game

if you think about
it Rush Limbaugh made a career
one set of "elites"

vs. another and
who loses out, because it
all seems fake to me

you call me boring?
this drinking of wine, I like
wine itself but the

farting around the
trite elite bullshit, it is
fucking bullshit...and

the words are deliberately
chosen to tell you what
I think of people like you

I think tipper gore
hypocrite, hippie, rebel
then she trashed metal

tried to censor some
thing that offended her tastes
naked lunch is dull

all the stars will die
eventually, in endless
time, even time itself

should I want to try
to connect to this enclave
of slaves to style...

I will hit enter
i don't care no more
(redneck manifesto)

(real book, read it)

so shall I compile
a list of enemies, nixon
style, shy, removed in

some seculuded place
not knowing how to connect
to shallow liberals?

what will it say on
your stones, here lies an asshole
who drank the best wine

that's funny, I think you
people who go drivel are the
self concious guardians

of culture who ought
die first when the next
real World War hits

pompous, inhumane
and unremoved, not
worth human life anymore

oh shut the fuck up
can't you see the reason I act
like this is the critque?

so blot out the nights
i'll be inventing new stars
until you give in

the refresher course
periodically dished out
optimistic ash

Skipped past half this page
It's self indulgent "BORING"
Except the last two!

thoughtful reflection
studied classical syntax
surely it's not hard ?

again i tell you
that hitting the enter key
doesn't cause haiku

I laugh for I am
easily set off, proving
the "fool" postulate

generalizations
do make an ugly taste but it
did well for hitler

till he shot himself

I don't like passing
hateful judgements, that's not the
real me, I just am...

fearful, paranoid
coming free at last, and to
you a stranger...

yes I know those who
pass judgement are judged in turn
so what's new, politics

as usual

where do you idiots
come from, some hallowed empty
spire of obsolete writing?

hatred consumes for
if it is shallow then you
get what you give back

I would burn all your
books and heil hitler for hate
replaces real time

debate, hatred is
real, i would hate and be a
true being of dark

then a false and bland
aesthetic bowing to the
urbane bullshit of...

well, people so "charming"
so rich, so removed from the
common experience...