hack up a big smurf
respiratory therapy
noble profession

With all due respect,
I feel compelled to declare
"You're missing the point"

Hate to tell you, but
Most of your haikus are not
Really all that bad

purring warmly low
exquisite accessory
personal heater

bloody english wags
thinking they are so clever
supercilious hags

Al Gore is My Man
McCain is Merely Third Rate
to Second Rate Bush

I invented the
Internet. Really, I did!
Mine, I say, all mine!

stayin' up late at night
I see no stars in the sky
no hope in my heart

sex in a bucket
fun for the fly and the fish
i am an addict

i am the whore's friend
she eats me alive like stew
and i will rejoice

squeegee my buttocks
burn my skin with sex and ash
girl is a pyro

incarcerated
prisoner of the bottom line
fiscal servitude

sputum phlem and snot
use a tube to suck it out
it's fabulous work

Tomorrow he comes
Back to where I am living
Wonder if he'll call

Sorry about that
Don't know what came over me!
I meant no offense

I censored myself
Out of respect for you all
(buncha f***ing prudes!)

I know...my haiku's
All over the f***ing place
--Schizophrenia?

Am I a pervert?
I'd like to watch Britney Spears
Eat a banana

I'm here to waste time
And for some entertainment
And not "for art's sake"

I'm bored with this site
The haiku here have become
Way too serious

Here's an idea --
"Let's kill all the lawyers," then
Bill them for our time!

Are you ill, my friend?
What could make one want to sniff
Scum between ones toes?

to lint in my toes smells bad
Ear wax in my ears feels good
Oh my god i'm bored

Rain, drops of sorrow
Fresh and musty smells are new
Drip, drop, Endlessly

Rubber boots are fun
Splashing in giant puddles
Soaked head to toe

you there you tried hard
to run you used to stalk me
we render your parts

paper or plastic
paper or plastic paper
or plastic paper or.... choose!

My jeanshorts get stressed
By the thoughts of a woman
"Thumbing" for a ride

Our Forefathers fought
Struggled, and some of them died
For their kids future

Today we henpeck,
Complicating ev'rything
Why don't we just breathe

My son says I have
Earlucinations when I
Hear Things! He is 5

Kids say the darndest
Most extraordinary Things
They are why I Live

Sediment Layers
Tell of such great histories
But Layers must Lay

An ode to the old
Ken, Ash, Shag, Scrunt, Gramp and Bon
Thou Art was true Art

The old wind smells sweet,
Unlike the fowl artless waft
That churns o'er this site.

I hate it when peo-
Ple break up their words and phra-
ses between their lines

The secret to it --
Writing the best bad haiku
Is simplicity

If you don't like it
Haul your fat ass out of here
Bother someone else

There really are a
lot of sick twisted puppies
posting this feces.

winter's icy grip
freezing fingers in thin gloves
on the handlebars

they resealed my floor
inhaling toxic solvents
estapol junkies

First, five syllables
Then seven syllables more
One last syllable

Little wet raindrops,
Knocking on my windowpane,
Hoping to get in.

3 strikes you are out
man with 4 balls walks to first
i doubt he can run

That grass smells funny,
I think I'll pee over there
Dogs must live hard lives.

I keep getting stuck
have to use fillers, like, um
well, something like this

bad people have names
longer than other workers
"security guard"

little smelly pig
rolling round your muddy pen
i like your pork chops

two pokes of my stick
make you magically become
poked by my stick, fool!

the first poem stinks
i try, but worse is the lame
justification

haiku wrote too fast
misspelled, didn't count oh no
must do better now

cheez-it white cheddar
crisp crunchy tast good too
powder on fingers