An irritating
Nasty little foolish bloke
Or maybe woman
Never says a thing
Yet swears for no real reason
My nerves are but short
Our God deliver
Us from this stupid evil
Saviour, we beg you

Must I encounter
An anonymous poet
Who interrupts me?

AAAAAAAAAH NOOOOOOOO Foolish fool
Stop the bad language damn fool
And let me finish

My mother is small
Or, in other words, not tall
Up she often looks

fuck off moxie

Some fool once told me
That a crime was not evil
And he was evil

Can you fools not see
How the universe works
Everything is wrong

Sin in the center
Lie to the right with pleasure
Left only with pain

put in a dollar
caught waves, won twenty-three, chicks
dig nickel-slot men

I see the mirror
My hair may well be a mess
But soon it will go

What would I notice?
Of all these things that I see
Which interests me?

talking of foolish
take a good long look please mate
hope you notice it

I don't like seven
I just wrote eight syllables
Seven is foolish

For years I travelled
Over the hills, in the valleys
Oh I love to see

useless for you mate
nobody would contact you
you'd bore them to death

A dating service?
Sounds like a good use for this
Rather useless site

hi jane of princeton
mail janis for my address
and we can connect

Girls with glasses, beer
Alcohol, secretaries
It's a nice topic

Men *often* make passes
at girls who wear glasses, but
what if she is fat?

Men *often* make passes
at girls who wear glasses, but
what if she's fat?

i miss having a
warm body in bed waiting
for me to join him

Beer makes my nose twitch
How should I get high in life?
Think I'll have cocoa.

another paper
only time i write haiku
when deadline looming

With nothing to say,
haiku is just a plain bore -
Content needs a part

I raise up my eyes
from the glare of the streetlights
to the stars overhead

you all want it, but
it's for special occasions:
prehensile penis

my room needs cleaning,
work is calling, girl's alone;
but haiku comes first.

not nearly as fun
as playing it in the nude
only in my dreams...

a simple pleasure:
watching tv in the nude
The Wheel of Fortune!

it's true you outgrow
tequila, wine, and Guiness...
but I'm not dead yet!

the non-alkie girl
unknown to the tequila
shot, lick, and lime chew

no fun for poor girl
alcohol tickles her nose
woo! more gin for me!

life's imponderables:
"should marshmallows be soft, squishy
or hard and crunchy?"

You misjudge windows
It will reap revenge if I
Buy a new PC

and for a virus
you should try influenza
you'll run much faster

it needs a good wash
pour water down the air vents
that'll shut it down

I just can't shut down
Windows crashes the system
It refuses to work

note to bartenders:
when serving good single malt,
don't ask "on the rocks?"

sagan and others
held a renaming contest
but sadly, "doink!" lost

I'd like a virus
It can only make Windows
Run somewhat faster

Names aren't everything
Science is about stuff like
Equations and !BOOM!

I can't count at all
Doing engineering and
I can't even count

Roll on the summer
When people wear less clothing
If any at all

The leaves in autumn
Display such a beautiful
Variation of shade

click-click click won't work
Stop your infernal clicking!
morons piss me off

Do NOT click delete
all your records will be lost....
see? i told you so.

Don't open that mail
Viruses are very bad
...I'm going home now

supervisor's sick
we're playing Baldur's Gate II
I'm on level 5

cenobyte forgot
to put name in box below
will remember now

thought i'd write a book
and call it "Help Desk Haiku"
then get it published