got the ugg boots on
holy catfish they smell bad
thongs don't smell like this

Your mom is hot, yo
Elvis was in the ghetto
i am in your mom

my old lady is
really hot in spandex, yeah
that gets me off, dude

it hits me so hard
the bubblie bong of white smoke
dude, thats all there is

it hits me so hard
the bubblie bong of white smoke
dude, thats all there is

MissE is so smart
I wish I was like her, man
no, wait, fuck that shit

burn baby burn, ow
why you got to smack me Ike?
i am a good wife

I never knew who
smelled as sweetly as you do
as morning rose due

Space taco shall fly
many years in the junk yard
to Saturn beyond

I never knew who
smelled as sweetly as you do
like morning rose due

did you ever see
the bluest of all the trees
by the sea of green?

35 E north?
when the fuck did that happen?
35 E south?

635 and
skillman and audelia
triangle of doom

Listen to the car
radio hip hop techno
phaser set to stun

Betty from Texsucks?
Have you found that Texas is
Steers and Engineers?

boo doesn't think fear.
real boo IS feared unlike this
pale imistrata.

cowboy who never saw
a cow, disowns mother earth;
"let her have a cow!"

gee, I wish you could
deserve my best Haiku, but...
you don't wanna know...!

Not my Best One Yet

Miss E loves Jesus.
he doesn't come on to her?
understand this love!

tax cuts in time for
higher prices when they won't
even cover them.
(do you get YET what you didn't really vote FOR?)

"price craps don't provide
more waste or limit abuse"
pay For nothing more!

does it match dear dad's
honorary assassine
degree? kill the demos.

I wish it were good but
Like the road signs of the net
some worn out and old

I'm in the Maine place
Sputtered immature thoughts here
But all things do change
(not always for the best)

Take me interstate
through this tangled piece of ass
you know as Dallas

What? Dodge different?
What do you mean marketeer?
Texas different?

Y'all's minds be
ruined. Texas is so nice
the land of crude all

(oil is pronounced all)

I love the Texas
at least that's what they tell me
but I don't see it

Heard the word Texas
39 times during one
short commercial break

Seeing your color
I scoop it up with my hands
and paint a blue sky

Seeing your color
I scoop it up with my hands
and paint my landscape

Web pages tangle
and confuse my daily life
blurring me a bit

There's a side to us
darker. And there's a light side
The ying yang routine
making us human

Going fishing now
Still worries, but it's all a part
of growing up

No ass corduroy
Commando hang low boy me
Goddamn that flea bite

No haiku to say
No haiku submitted oh
I should go bed

Bring them wonderful beans
to the old rattlesnake bake
and mince the New England Texan traditions

You are right my dear
but I'd take a bunched-up sock
o'er a bunched-up rear

this week it's texas
rattlesnakes, armadillos
beans and barbeque

socks that sneak on down
suddenly socks' squashed in shoes
you just can't stop that

some socks are sneakers
and some jocks are bum creepers
it could be the jeans

I would rather go
commando than have my ass
eat another pair

after his latest
battle, our hero returns
sans his underware

this is bad haiku
read, learn how bad, bad haiku
can really be, bad.

everytime i drink
i skip syllables badly
spelling suffers too

boo doesn't like us
(it he she) thinks we fear
its lightning sharp wit

You are all jammed up
bringing your day to a halt
sounds like you should poop

like a glacier carves
through solid rock my undies
cleave my buttocks' gulch

Too far up the crack...
the wedgie dance is no good
Stop eating, butt! Stop!

with a gentle pop
intestines release a flood
of gray-green ejecta

Dare I dig it out?
No, lest I hear the aweful,
"We have a bleeder!"