Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
26 Years, 319 Days and 76714 Haiku later...

The corpses jerk off
Horny skeletons beat off
Do the Thriller dance
Haiku # 72621, October 14, 2021 5:04 am ET
by High Pitch of Nervous laughter
Couldn't remember
When was the last time I shit?
Was it tubular?

What did it smell like?
Did it clog up the toilet?
A public viewing?
Haiku # 72620, October 14, 2021 4:59 am ET
by Milk of Amnesia
My, that's a big one
How do you even manage?
Does it bite, mister?
Haiku # 72619, October 14, 2021 4:53 am ET
by Rabies of Dink
He walked with a limp
Four hundred pounds of pants snake
Coiled up and hissing
Haiku # 72618, October 14, 2021 4:47 am ET
by Reo Peenwagon
Tremendous schlong
Dragged along in a wagon
It won't fit in pants

He made this mistake
Disguised it as a dragon
People tried to touch

The dragon got mean
Spit in an old ladies' eye
Now no one likes us

Then, it spits at them
Haiku # 72617, October 14, 2021 4:35 am ET
by Wagon Dragger
Poor strange little Darth,
always talking about poop.
Mind like a toilet.
Haiku # 72616, October 14, 2021 4:11 am ET
by Flush it Down of Your Soul
customer service
to the schlong department, please
Foot measuring tool

Like shopping for shoes
But this time stick your dink in
What size do you have?
Haiku # 72615, October 14, 2021 12:11 am ET
by Smell of Your Feet
People wonder why
headstones topple over, right?
The corpses jerk off!
Haiku # 72614, October 13, 2021 11:51 pm ET
by Rob Graves of They don't care if they go blind or get a hairy palm
I know when he poops
it comes out like lava cake
Molten hot center

When you get down there
After writing these haiku
Get yourself a slice

Wash it down with milk
(no one tells you it's semen)
You won't shit for months
Haiku # 72613, October 13, 2021 11:25 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
One of you might know
Does the Devil masturbate?
Is his semen hot?
Haiku # 72612, October 13, 2021 10:49 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
And then God spoketh
Get with thine program, Losers!
This ain't a free ride
Haiku # 72611, October 13, 2021 10:46 pm ET
by Methheadthusela
The bowel movement
of spaceman William Shatner
Orbiting the earth

Autumn tootsie roll
comes with last night's dinner corn
It's the captain's log
Haiku # 72610, October 13, 2021 10:04 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
When Chachi's busy
Don't get into a tizzy
Hop on Bosley's knob
Haiku # 72609, October 13, 2021 8:55 pm ET
by Goo of Gob
Clem! Hey Uncle Clem!
They done digged up Tom Bosley
From Figpucker's farm
Haiku # 72608, October 13, 2021 8:53 pm ET
by Appalachian Gothic of 1939
Who is Tom Bosley?
Why is it that his pen is
Mightier than the sword?
Haiku # 72607, October 13, 2021 8:50 pm ET
by Bosley Defamation Squad of Under the Pigsty
Breaking haiku news
Starkitten has been cuntnapped
She needs your help now
Haiku # 72606, October 13, 2021 8:41 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Facing front or back
when I bow down to the schlong?
Which does he prefer?

How did you ever get started on this topic? Did you read something about it somewhere? I would really like to know. I guess it's a celeb thing to publicly (pubicly?) announce your genital's details.
Do you have pics? A Playboy interview? What was it that set you off down this strange poetic venture?
Haiku # 72605, October 13, 2021 7:39 pm ET
by We need answers now!
Okay I will stop
Only if you bow down to
Tom Bosley's penis
Haiku # 72604, October 13, 2021 6:21 pm ET
by Tom Bosley's uterus
Jesus spoke pirate?
Ye not be jokin', are ye?
Well, he blood is wine.

Why can't Jesus drive?
High blood alcohol content.
But he sure could surf.
Haiku # 72603, October 13, 2021 6:13 pm ET
by Avast, ye maties! Shiver me timbers! Fetch me some grog! of Well, why not. Abraham Lincoln killed vampires.
Just be ye perfect.
Like your heavenly father.
That's what Jesus said.
Haiku # 72602, October 13, 2021 6:01 pm ET
by Impossibility of Perfection
Shatner made it back.
Talking about blue then black.
Tears he did not lack.
Haiku # 72601, October 13, 2021 2:21 pm ET
by Down there, the mother. of Or something.
Please beat your children.
They may turn out just like me.
Perfect in all ways.
Haiku # 72600, October 13, 2021 1:53 pm ET
by This message brought to you by DHS.
God I want egg nog.
Rum and egg nog enema.
Nutmeg overdose.
Haiku # 72599, October 13, 2021 1:50 pm ET
by Jesus died on the cross so you could drink egg nog.
My mind is ugly.
Tortured, inconsolable.
Filled with vile loathing.
Haiku # 72598, October 13, 2021 1:49 pm ET
by All because of Christmas music.
Whose schlong is bigger,
Bill Shatner or Tom Bosley?
The age old question.
Haiku # 72597, October 13, 2021 1:32 pm ET
by My dog's bigger than your dog! My dog's bigger than yours!
Well, I did seek help.
After Tom Bosley raped me.
My asshole's now huge!

I went to see a
practical proctologist.
He said it's hopeless.

He just looked and said,
"You'll never poop normally
again in your life."

Now I work side shows.
Man with the walk-in anus.
Come see the polyps!
Haiku # 72596, October 13, 2021 1:30 pm ET
by $5 entrance fee. of Guaranteed to be amazed!
That old Tom Boseley.
He did a number on you,
poor strange little Darth.
Haiku # 72595, October 13, 2021 11:53 am ET
by Seek Help Immediately
I am not a troll
But then what am I? I am.....
Haiku # 72594, October 13, 2021 9:36 am ET
by Don't care if you don't like it
I am just a troll.
I suppose that's all I am.
But then, what are you?
Haiku # 72593, October 13, 2021 8:48 am ET
by That's the real question. of Think on it.
If you fart loudly
on the Jerry Springer show,
ratings will go up.
Haiku # 72592, October 13, 2021 6:38 am ET
by There's a mathematical formula for this.
Haiku # 72591, October 13, 2021 6:33 am ET
Проиграли деньги в казино?
Мы поможем их вернуть! Обращайтесь.
Haiku # 72590, October 13, 2021 5:46 am ET
by Georgesomia of Ireland
I don't like TV.
I never want to own one.
They should all be burned.
Haiku # 72589, October 13, 2021 5:12 am ET
by Truth!
Downloading bootlegs.
Have you seen Star Wars Visions?
I can't help but cringe.
Haiku # 72588, October 13, 2021 5:05 am ET
by It just seems... weird.
If I had a buck
for every haiku I write,
I would still be poor.
Haiku # 72587, October 13, 2021 5:02 am ET
by In all ways that count. of There's that c-word again.
I'll break that mirror.
Pretend I'm on a mission.
Not just finding cheese.
Haiku # 72586, October 13, 2021 4:59 am ET
by A puckered lips now. of Charlie don't surf.
Oh fucking hell yes!
Who the hell needs blueberries?
Coffee from Benguet.
Haiku # 72585, October 13, 2021 4:56 am ET
by How the eff does the coffee roaster bring out those berry notes. Amazing!
And for my next trick.
I will visit Africa.
Bring back ebola.
Haiku # 72584, October 13, 2021 4:53 am ET
by Rum and Coke-a-Cola.
Orange Tang with sugar.
Not that fucking Sucralose.
Back in the real world.
Haiku # 72583, October 13, 2021 4:50 am ET
by You don't know how lucky you are.
The ceiling fan spins.
No memories of Hueys.
I am not that old.
Haiku # 72582, October 13, 2021 4:47 am ET
by But almost.
Tom Bosley's penis.
All that comes out of your mouth.
And into your mouth.

But where do you get your info about it??? Some obscure sleazy tabloid archives? Maybe you slept with him once. He ruined you for all other men.

Anyway, I guess you could have worse addictions. Like trying on kids underwear in the dressing room at WalMart, and leaving them there with your skid marks in them, among other things. But I guess you're not from Connersville, Indiana. Are you?
Haiku # 72581, October 12, 2021 9:20 pm ET
by Let's move on, shall we? of Talk about something else... William Shatner maybe?
You keep asking things.
Are you collecting data?
Getting evidence?
Haiku # 72580, October 12, 2021 4:50 pm ET
by I'll be dead by then I expect. of At least I'm hoping.
I'll save you some time.
A summary's good enough.
But, still a bit much...

An evil chemist/scientist develops a very strong coffee plant with about double the caffeine, but still has a decent flavor. (Pure fiction b/c caffeine is very bitter -- better coffees are not that strong.)
He makes some interesting deals and blackmails people, etc. He has a successful coffeeshop/restaurant. He rents out one of his locations for a meeting one day. Japanese businessmen planning nuclear terrorism. He doesn't report it, but uses this info to play the stock market and get rich.
He becomes very powerful. Then develops brain cancer. At one of his biomedical research centers they try something experimental on him which basically turns his brain into a computer, preserving the structure, but becoming inorganic. It nearly kills him, but he lives and becomes even more powerful. He backs up his brain in a duplicate.
While at dinner one day he is killed by a terrorist / psycho at a poetry reading. (I knew you'd like that.)
The backup brain takes over the world. Eventually it wipes out the human race and builds a space armada to take over the universe.
It does so and eventually develops ways to travel to other dimensions/universes. This goes on for a long time. Conquer and assimilate. Yeah, kind of Borg-ish.
But then finally... it becomes God. Not "a god", but God. The God. And it sees that it has to go back in time to its original universe, all powerful in our universe, but without memory.
It comes to the realization that to ever be happy it must give up being God. It goes to earth as a human and is killed by someone that he did wrong to back in the old days.
And that's all. Pretty boring. Lots of rambling and bullshit. You wouldn't like it. I'm pretty sure it's free and not too hard to find. If you don't know by now, I don't really care. I'll spare you the misery. Don't read it.
Haiku # 72579, October 12, 2021 4:43 pm ET
by But my farts are for sale. of $59.99 per bottle of compressed Figgy Farts. 200 psi. Holds one pound per bottle.
Haiku # 72578, October 12, 2021 3:38 pm ET
by Richardwaf of Slovakia
Haiku # 72577, October 12, 2021 3:37 pm ET
by Richardwaf of Slovakia
"plays with a monkey"
That pretty much sums it up.
Or: "plays with a pig"
Haiku # 72576, October 12, 2021 12:57 pm ET
by Calif Usman of Mecca and Medina
Darth tries very hard
to be both rude and evil.
But he is just stuck.
Haiku # 72575, October 12, 2021 12:40 pm ET
by Stuck Pig of Poetry
Smoke tea, daddy-o!
Get hip to some swingin' verse.
Wear black turtleneck.
Haiku # 72574, October 12, 2021 12:34 pm ET
by A. Ginsberg's Corpse of OM AHA
Count Lautreamont
Already covered those themes.
Go read "Maldoror".
Haiku # 72573, October 12, 2021 12:30 pm ET
by Andre Breton's Umbrella
About your book, Darth . . .
I would not PAY to read it,
but for free, maybe.
Haiku # 72572, October 12, 2021 12:29 pm ET
by Internet Star for 7 seconds
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