Sick of online crap.
Virtual anything's dumb.
I'll go torture ants.

White cheddar's better.
Yellow for a dull fellow.
Buddha likes Gouda.

Are you kidding me?!
You don't believe in Jesus?!?!
What is WRONG with YOU?!?!?!!

There's this one sharp cheese...
Cabot! That's the name. Walmart.
That's some damn good cheese!

I'll read a book now.
Just because, you know, it's cool.
... "One fish, two fish." Nice!

Новостник
Переходите:
https://pohudelka.com.ua/vpliv-sushi-na-potentsiyu-cholovika/

Have you ever put
gunpowder in an ashtray?
No smoking campaign.

Baby bird's first flight.
Whoops! The tomcat ate him up.
Free for one minute.

The naked old man
Shouted and danced in the street.
People walked on by.

Fart in someone's hair
Random act of flatulence
Fart and run like heck

Do you love cheeses?
Do you worship the flavors?
Eternal savors

Do you love Jesus?
If you give your heart to Him,
everlasting life!

Here I sit,
broken hearted,
need an organ donor,
I'll try Cambodia.
Chicken hearts on skewer.
With BBQ sauce.
Don't say I have no heart.
I have many!

That was me, my bad.
An early Taco Tuesday.
You understand, right?

It's in your front yard
'cause I left you a present.
It's the thought that counts.

Speaking of the count,
do vampires use tampons
to keep from leaking?

Snuffleupagus.
If he's imaginary
who made this dung pile?

May have to check in
to the insane asylum
Fucking coyotes

How many good things can happen in one day?!

So was George Lucas
creative or just greedy?
Let's ask Lord Vader.

The right formula.
The most cash for the least thought.
Drowned in plastic toys.

Seven billion bucks.
Not bad for a half-assed tale.
Wish I had a piece.

All Pigeon Haiku!
pigeon pigeon pigeon (coo)
pigeon pigeon (poo)

I break into song
Hello Darthness, my old friend
Nice to see you here

Sleep paralysis
Someone check on Zuckerberg
(my first Facebook friend)

Did he unfriend me?
My obnoxious duck face pose?
All my cries for help

Chickpeas and yogurt.
Washed down with kambucha tea.
Here comes the thunder!

So which is it?
Kambucha tea? Vinegar?
They taste just the same.

Censors even here
just for mentioning the Jews
(and Jesus was one)

Separate servers.
You'd think they'd know the value.
I poo golden eggs.

I'd poop on the run,
but my poop has a great smell.
They'd chase me faster.

zuckerberg announced:
"facebook is shut down for good,
go to badhaiku"

facebook, instagram
servers are all down today
badhaiku? it's fine

god im so horny
i need cuddly soft tiddy
mommy save me

Ward off predators
Perhaps the ones who stand still
have smellier shit

Animal crossing
Some will poop while they run
Others will stand still

How many humans
shit on the run? Do you know?
All in the timing

Internet outage.
OMG, we'll all soon die!
Be living in caves!

One pound of cheese please.
And I'll do... seven haiku.
And a tall latte.

Make that iced latte.
Low fat with simple sugar.
And whipped cream on top.

I'm squatting right now
I'll be out in a minute
No toilet paper!?

Eight bucks for coffee
You'd think a mathematician
wouldn't fall for that

I'm selling haiku
Just fifty dollars for you
I'll throw in some cheese

Franconia Notch
White Mountains of New Hampshire
That old man fell off

Old man of mountain
Mist upon the distant hills
Now where's my damn phone?

What kind of sandwich?
I'd have a roasted turkey
with lacy Swiss cheese

Eight dollar coffee.
Twenty dollar sandwich. Whore.
Haikuized 4 U.

Time for another $8 coffee and a $20 sandwich and not enough left to buy toilet paper but that's okay b/c I've been taking diet lessons from the old man with fragrant and flowery poo in the hopes that I can sell it and make some of that yuppie coffee shop money back and even have some left over for those nasty street hookers that are way hotter than the girls back home anyway, and probably cleaner.

I won't do triplets.
Genetic diversity
is quite important.

Did you ever squat?
I mean inhabit a house
that's been abandoned?

Squatters are awesome.
They never have to pay rent.
And have all the rights!

He doesn't use leaves.
In fact, he has never wiped.
He doesn't need to.

His shit doesn't stink.
It kind of smells like roses.
Or air freshener.

Snap out of it, man!
You've been staring at land
for who knows how long

They tried smelling salts
Hot triplets jerking him off
But he kept staring

Until the one day
Mudslides destroyed the village
The mud smelled funny

Because it was shit
The old man smiled and waved
Wiped his bum with leaves

Meet Oscar Mayer
His face made from bologna
Lunchable in pants

Walking on water
Repairing busted sandals
Healing dead people

Driving for Uber
Delivering for Door Dash
Selling my plasma

The ancient old man,
with beard as long as his arm,
looked upon the land.

His face carved in stone,
he's still there looking today.
None know for how long.

Nor does it matter.
They're happy on the mountain.
Enjoying the view.

A duck or a frog,
which do your farts sound like more?
Or some kind of mix?

That's not what it means
When it says that "He hardens".
You ARE a pervert.