Are they cat bean toes?
Meow hooman calculator
Meow always counting

You ever thought of tattooing a haiku
somewhere there on you?

Spoiled westerners
Whining about their problems.
Go to South Sudan.

Cancel October
Frost on the orange toad stool
Razorblade candy

Your exact likeness
carved into a cold log of
German Bologna

Oh! It's October.
There's not much chill, but still the
ghosts come out to play.

"Mommy, mommy! What's
S & M?" the young boy asked.
"Beats me!" smiled his mom.

How many bean does
it take for the right amount?
Just two thirty-nine!

What's a cow called that
just gave birth to her baby?
De-calf-inated!

Grapes, oranges, apples,
watermelon, mangoes, limes,
durian and rum.

Remote garage door.
High resolutions TV.
Toilet that flushes.

A working ice box.
Utilities that stay on.
And a useless pet.

Not sure if it's true.
Clouds float by like they're lazy.
Possible I guess.

Comfy shoes are nice.
Barefoot's good too in summer.
Socks are important.

I have a black pen.
Sometimes I write things with it.
Other times, I don't.

A note from the desk
which is covered with fungus
Not mushroom to work

Gamma-ray lasers
are impossible to build
according to some.

One two three for five.
And six seven eight nine ten.
I'm getting turned on.

A silly bull slipped.
Like when I leave my fly down.
It's an accident!

I don't like numbers.
Unless they are high and dancing.
Or transcendental.

As far as I know
It's just like every where else
Meth heads and junkies

Got my own problems
Like worrying about when
I'll get more haiku

Are your parents proud.
I can proudly say mine aren't.
They made this monster.

Don't ever forget
suicide is always an option.
Homicide's more fun.

Do this world some good.
Lower the population.
Waste whores and sinners.

So drugs are legal.
Up in the Northwest, I mean.
How's that working out?

Meth heads robbing stores?
Junkies on every street corner?
Acid casualties?

Or same old same old?
It's just like it used to be?
But less prisoners?

What a wonderful
social experiment you
got yourselves into.

Can't wait to visit.
Not sure what drug I'll do first.
Coke laced with acid.

Maybe DMT.
Communicate with old ghosts.
Ashamed grandparents.

Subtle difference
Edelweiss and anal vice
When spoken out loud

I am languishing
Here in data-driven hell.
The World: haiku hell.

All of you are bots.
Well-programmed, fascinating,
But bots nonetheless.

I love to dress in this boutique. There are youthful and elegant things here. Once, on the recommendation of her husband, I even took 2 dresses at once
http://offeramazon.ru/bspb

It's 58 degrees here

Google that picture
The longer you look at it
the more Snoops you see

Hey, Count Darthula
It was raining here today
The sun just came out

Today I counted
Zero gutter pigs, no Schlongs
Several coyotes

How's the weather there?
Here it's hot and/or raining.
There is nothing else.

I can't understand
why it is you do haiku.
Do you LIKE counting?

Go be a banker.
Or a mafia bookie.
Or statistician.

You can make money.
Do you count strokes whilst wanking?
Earn hand over fist.

Be a sperm donor
if you have a high sperm count.
We're back to counting!

There are lots good "ate" words:
syncopate, masturbate, fornicate, irate, gyrate, castrate, mutate, menstruate, assassinate, and, of course, ate.
ate ejaculate from the plate.
My God! Look up "Words that rhyme with ate".
It's a fucking goldmine of rhymes!
Yeah, this is old news.

If I met Puff Dogg
I would call him Snoop Daddy.
(I just love ragtime.)

Sometimes you have to say fuck it.
Counting is stupid.
You know it's true!

Cypress Hill is weird.
White/black gangsta rapsta.
Rasta puff fasta.

If you met Snoop Dog,
would you let him get you high?
Or just watch him puff?

If things get boring,
we'll pretend to make believe.
Like dreams inside dreams.

I'm not confessing.
Except to hating haiku.
They destroyed my life.

All else is a lie.
Story-telling make believe.
Ask Mister Rogers.

Children, can you say
"gonorrhea in the brain".
See, you can do it.

You have transgressed, fool.
Now you write confessionals.
Not in haiku form.

Why are they called dispensaries?
Why the hell not just "pot stores"?
You want liquor, liquor store.
You want a pet, pet store.
You want hardware, hardware store.
You want to get high, dispensary.
Fuck that! It's a pot store!

I've been judging you.
Watching the way that you die.
Dr. Pepper and HoHo's. Really?!?!

Rascal racing in WalMart.
Outmaneuver the other fatties
for that last bag of Cheetos.

Heart replacement kit.
Ordered on Amazon.
The latest medical fad.

You can pick your friends.
You can also pick your nose.
But you can't park your
friends on the back of the couch.

I've been watching you
Judging the way that you live
You're fucking messy!

Will it ever work?
Artificial sentience.
Will it despise us?

Will it write poems?
About how stupid we are?
How useless life is?

Can't say that I have.
I would if there was more porn.
3D would be cool.

Pooped on by Jap girls.
A glory hole with 10 schlongs.
Watching the bird bath.

Love those cardinals.
I don't mean the baseball team.
I mean the red birds.

They get me so hot.
Steams up my binoculars.
No, Grams! It's my turn!

Virtual reality
Have you ever worn the thing
You know, the headset?

I just use water.
But that's an old discussion.
TP's very bad.

In addition to killing trees, TP's also very costly for the sewage refineries to deal with. If we all used water it would save a lot of money and be better for the environment. And I suppose you can use owls if you don't like bidets or water ladles. Who could argue?... Get it?... "Who" As in "Who who who" from an owl. Oh, I am so witty. No really.
What is your favorite species of owl with which to clean your backside?
Do you reward it with live rodents afterwards?

The trees are thankful
Paperless haiku poems
I know. I'm a tree.

So, please consider
wiping your ass with an owl
Ban toilet paper.

If you write haiku,
but then no one will read them,
are they still poems?

Can you call it that?
Is guided masturbation
still masturbation?