No, I did not say
Howard Stern on Sybian.
That would just be gross.

If you'd like to know.
Sybian on Howard Stern.
Porn stars orgasm.

Just passing through here
I tried not to make a mess
Headed to Hell now

Remember the guy
Who married a pillow case
Best man was a sock

You should buy one
I get a big commission
I mean, a boner

Sybian sex toy
Sit on it and ride to Bliss
A trip to the moon

I feel self conscious
When I shop for cucumbers.
Greengrocer turns red

What's a "sybian"?
Can you explain it to me
in three haiku lines?

Darth, her next birthday
Buy her a sybian
Solve all your problems

If you buy a wife,
you should get a Korean.
Flippos are too fat.

Remember the time
Jacques Cousteau fellated sharks
For shits and giggles

Saw a frog today.
Plastic bag hanging from ass.
Slowly pulled it out.

The frog seemed happy,
freed from the plastic bag and
anally pleasured.

If you know a frog,
tell it don't eat plastic bags.
They aren't sea turtles.

No fear, just loathing
For Thompson's wretched writing
And those sick rumors...

You spend too much time
writing haiku on this site.
Go take drugs instead.

School girl Lolita
Sure, you will recognize me
Look for the chin hair

I ate the bagel
Implanted in your forehead
While you were sleeping

Now take big inhale
Bomb dropped on Hiroshima
But made of cat poop

Chinese factory
We are making your next junk
I write this poem

Dad was a fun guy
But he only visited
Sporadically

New to all of this
Baby of the zodiac
Go easy on me

Regurgitation
Then God swallows us again
Reincarnation

While Darth is sleeping
Press AUTOMATIC HAIKU
God's recharging him!!

Fresh cut morning wood
Masturbating Lumberjacks
Balancing on logs

Calisthenics Time
Toe Touch Deep knee bend full split
Darn, stuck to the floor

Odour in the court!
Waiter, there's cunt in my soup
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt

knock knocK knoCK knOCK KNOCK
shuffling feet shuffle "Who's there?
SEVENTEEN FEET TALL

Bad news for poets
Writing haiku kills brain cells
There goes my last one

If you wouldn't mind
Asking that lump you got there
I am free tonight

Let me get one in
Saturday sulphur payload
Right in the kisser

Heres your wake up call
BOOMBOOM! Farted in your face
Signed, God Almighty

Here

Like a telephone
I need to recharge at night
And that is God's job.

Tramadol is good.
I suppose God is happy.
He should do His job.

There's a lump down there.
I think it's an ingrown hair.
Had it for three year.

Sometimes it itches.
And it raps about bitches.
Wears drooping britches.

It's a new disease.
It's far worse than having fleas.
I asked it, "leave please".

It is here to stay.
I'm just glad that it's not gay.
What I'm tryn' to say.

About to drift off
Will I have another dream
About Gilligan?

Sleep like a baby
Air conditioner white noise
Use it all the time

aint no one gonna tell you what ya got to do to be better poet. Should you walk alone into the woods and live amongst wild boars with tremendous ding dongs?

ain

My insomnia
Is like a well-known old friend
who I truly hate

Some people have fun
And enjoy their lives on Earth
And some people don

Barry Manilow
Softly playing as we screw
Lost my erection

God wants you to be
Addicted to opioids
Write haiku instead

God wants you to be
Addicted to opioids
Write haiku instead

I think gay Jedi
would have black-light light sabers
for disco parties.

Star Wars themed Fleshlight.
Right when you ejaculate
it sizzles and pops.

If you could see me
Just stood up in a dab pose
Now I M waving

A Corned beef hand job
You know where this is headed
Fresh horseradish stand

hard long stiff huge thick
Rock bone dense flint bulk wow
Just for three seconds

The Gates of Heaven
When Darth Figpucker arrives:
You brought your Fleshlight?

Killed a mosquito.
I think I'll have some ice cream.
Except there is none.