It's Evidence Based
Results-Focused best practice:
Outcome-Driven shit.

Where's the poetry?
Come on, sit on the toilet
Shit out a big Ode

He

Our prayers are answered
He

Watching zit popping.
Satisfying YouTube vids.
Like cream puffs gone bad.

"Excremeditation of Recrudescence"

That's original.
All I can say is "Fuck yeah!"
Shit is what you'll get.

Life is only shit.
Poems are life's reflections.
Mirrors smeared with shit.

Write "You are special!"
on bathroom walls of Starbuck's
with fecal smearing.

Hey weird Uncle Darth-
Can you release more Haiku?
Put shit in them please.

Think about it, k
The ark story. Kinda nuts.
Who believes that crap?

Be wary, very..
Dagger Toed Cassowary
That bird is scary

When it swallows you
Regurgitates your poems
Poops out a haiku

Huge saltwater croc.
Eats alligators for snacks.
And, yes, poets too.

Create Haiku Here
Dare other so called poets
To attempt the art

Alligator dink
Always erect. On a spring.
Did God think that up?

Oversized gator
I want you to be my friend
But you walk right by

I can't blame you though
Every time we've met, by chance
I have crapped my pants

The answer is yes.
Oversized alligators
exist, and you're high.

Perhaps try rehab.
You must quit boofing bath salts.
Eat gator gumbo.

Night of the Grizzly
Wake up covered with scratches
Where is my honey?

Drink Worcestershire Sauce
It's good for what ails you, dude
Unwrap the flavor

Do you believe them?
Oversized alligators
Florida golf course

Photoshop, no?
Or am I high on bath salts?
Need to know the Truth

Dumb Amerikans:
You must start writing Haiku.
Future waits on you.

Fa La La La La
La La La La. Hark the
Haiku angels sing . . .

Uh huh uh huh yup
Uh huh uh huh yup uh huh
Uh huh uh huh yup

You just don't get it
The best poetry is farts
You gone daddy-o

John Boy Walton's mole's
Enormous erect penis
Rising from the South

Hey Macron, you cuck
Ready for your global gig?
Saturday is here.

Skynard: "Oooh that smell"
(South's gonnna rise agin, bro)
Get gas-masks ready !

Elevator Ride
Standing sardines. Release of gas.
The world's oldest trick

God made them like "dinks"
so you could write a poem.
That's His love for you.

first time I saw one
I tried to peel it open
Like a banana

Or like shucking corn
Or molesting a scarecrow
With a broom handle

Sleeping in a tent
Wise to eat beans every night
Better than bear spray

Hey all you fun guys
When GOD created mushrooms
Why make them like dinks?

* Thwack may or may not be Edie Brickell

Famous movie line
We still have Paristalsis..
Evidence in pants

Forget frying pans
Those are for cooking breakfast
And husband control

If a bear attacks
Defecate and save your life
Unbearable stench

If a bear attacks
Defecate and save your life
Unbearable stench

Now just imagine it
Virtual Reality
While you take a shit

He likes to floor it
So don't let the name fool you
Vrooooooooooooooom! Carefree Highway

Yes, prefer Lightfoot
to fecal-filth overload.
Verse should rise above . . .

Taking up knitting
So Gordon Lightfoot can watch
Meow, Knit one, PURR-l two.

That's me. You know it.
Tap dancing on your sidewalk.
I will never stop!

Darth speaks through anus
His verse reverts to poop-filth
Smeared all over. Sigh.

Bought Grandpa's present
Werther's truck backing up now
Oh yeah, and some lube

Wishing for weasels
Please please please bring me weasels
Please, weasels this year

Haiku writer's cramp
Pain in the anal region
Poop out a poem

Plastic Christmas Tree
Comes with free Chinese person
Factory Escape

Eggnog enema
Run to the birdbath bidet
Snowman got hemorrhoids

Family Tradition
We wiped with the Sears Wish Book
Why the iPad's brown

Hunched on my front lawn
Is that a drunk throwing up!?
Santa shitting.

Bah Humbug, Poopstain!
I'll give you gift wrapped garbage
And a shrunken head

Off in the distance
The farts of everyone else
Here on planet Earth

If Santa shows up
Jerking off on the sofa?
Here's your lump of coal