Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 135 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

Forget frying pans
Those are for cooking breakfast
And husband control
Haiku # 61224, December 7, 2018 12:52 am ET
by Thwack
If a bear attacks
Defecate and save your life
Unbearable stench
Haiku # 61223, December 7, 2018 12:51 am ET
by Bears Repeating
If a bear attacks
Defecate and save your life
Unbearable stench
Haiku # 61222, December 7, 2018 12:50 am ET
by Does the bear shit in the woods? of Dunno, but I do
Now just imagine it
Virtual Reality
While you take a shit
Haiku # 61221, December 7, 2018 12:47 am ET
by Buy more crap of Crap Store
He likes to floor it
So don't let the name fool you
Vrooooooooooooooom! Carefree Highway
Haiku # 61220, December 6, 2018 9:42 pm ET
by SK
Yes, prefer Lightfoot
to fecal-filth overload.
Verse should rise above . . .
Haiku # 61219, December 6, 2018 9:06 pm ET
by Digestive Contractions of Peristalsis
Taking up knitting
So Gordon Lightfoot can watch
Meow, Knit one, PURR-l two.
Haiku # 61218, December 6, 2018 8:41 pm ET
by Starkitten of Knitting
That's me. You know it.
Tap dancing on your sidewalk.
I will never stop!
Haiku # 61217, December 6, 2018 6:51 pm ET
by Not lost in the shuffle
Darth speaks through anus
His verse reverts to poop-filth
Smeared all over. Sigh.
Haiku # 61216, December 6, 2018 4:19 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Bought Grandpa's present
Werther's truck backing up now
Oh yeah, and some lube
Haiku # 61215, December 6, 2018 7:55 am ET
by Kinfolk
Wishing for weasels
Please please please bring me weasels
Please, weasels this year
Haiku # 61214, December 6, 2018 7:53 am ET
by Good person
Haiku writer's cramp
Pain in the anal region
Poop out a poem
Haiku # 61213, December 6, 2018 7:51 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Plastic Christmas Tree
Comes with free Chinese person
Factory Escape
Haiku # 61212, December 6, 2018 7:46 am ET
by Buy more Junk of Junkpile
Eggnog enema
Run to the birdbath bidet
Snowman got hemorrhoids
Haiku # 61211, December 6, 2018 5:11 am ET
by Fang Tooth
Family Tradition
We wiped with the Sears Wish Book
Why the iPad's brown
Haiku # 61210, December 6, 2018 5:07 am ET
by Family member of Home
Hunched on my front lawn
Is that a drunk throwing up!?
Santa shitting.
Haiku # 61209, December 6, 2018 5:04 am ET
by Fudgemakers of Elf City
Bah Humbug, Poopstain!
I'll give you gift wrapped garbage
And a shrunken head
Haiku # 61208, December 6, 2018 4:58 am ET
by Secret Santa
Off in the distance
The farts of everyone else
Here on planet Earth
Haiku # 61207, December 6, 2018 4:56 am ET
by Sniffer of Earth
If Santa shows up
Jerking off on the sofa?
Here's your lump of coal
Haiku # 61206, December 6, 2018 4:53 am ET
by Radioactive Balls of Fukushima
Turtle head poking
Pull into the Shell station
Nothing. Just more gas.
Haiku # 61205, December 6, 2018 3:55 am ET
by Connie Stipated of Exit #2
McCephalopod
Review: Briney Aftertaste
Makes you shit eight times
Haiku # 61204, December 5, 2018 11:01 pm ET
by Filet O Flush
What's the point of a
Goddamned plastic Christmas tree?
Hail Saturnalia!
Haiku # 61203, December 5, 2018 5:36 pm ET
by nAtuRal yuLeTide of nAzArEtH
Hurt yet, mes amis?
Should have voted for Le Pen,
silly French masses.
Haiku # 61202, December 5, 2018 4:54 pm ET
by Allons enfants de la Patrie Le jour de gloire est arrivé ! Contre nous de la tyrannie, L'étendard sanglant est le
A bird in the hand --
Sorry . . . a Bush in the grave
Worth two in White House
Haiku # 61201, December 5, 2018 9:23 am ET
by New World Odor of Decomposition
A bird in the hand
Haiku # 61200, December 5, 2018 9:21 am ET
by New World Odor of Putrefaction
Syllables, huh?
A Shitty Haiku? Fuck you.
Why the fuck not, hm?
Haiku # 61199, December 5, 2018 1:42 am ET
by Vector Based AssHat of Somewhere North Of The Equator
i wonder what you're
like to chat with...unleash you
on tumblrs...website...
Haiku # 61198, December 5, 2018 12:09 am ET
by vhs
Sir, the choice is yours
Desert Death/Penis Ice Pick
The Iceman Cometh
Haiku # 61197, December 4, 2018 11:29 pm ET
by Last time
Because they are smart,
I will not eat octopi.
Future sentient.

Could be that one day
they'll be eating our offspring,
jests how gross we look.
Haiku # 61196, December 4, 2018 10:11 pm ET
by df
Better if they're live.
Live tentacles can choke you.
Swallow them and die.

Revenge of the squid.
Its ink will write your obit.
What a joke you'll be.
Haiku # 61195, December 4, 2018 10:06 pm ET
by df
Weird Japanese snack:
Grilled tentacle on a stick.
(Suckers for sea-food.)
Haiku # 61194, December 4, 2018 11:12 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Don't forget panties.
Worn panty vending machines.
Samurai offspring.
Haiku # 61193, December 4, 2018 1:36 am ET
by df
Japanese are weird.
Get too excited about
Shopping and strange food
Haiku # 61192, December 3, 2018 4:18 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
OFF Kanagawa.
Hawaiians would have surfed it.
Japanese are punks.
Haiku # 61191, December 3, 2018 4:23 am ET
by df
Check out CNN
Great Wave of Kanagawa
Featured there today
Haiku # 61190, December 3, 2018 12:15 am ET
by Sk
Problem is can't lie
Like George Washington. Cherry tree.
Bad breath. Wooden teeth
Haiku # 61189, December 2, 2018 11:37 pm ET
by Martha PacificNorthwestington
Say you're a victim!
You can get tons of money!
Buy lots of dildos.
Haiku # 61188, December 2, 2018 9:49 pm ET
by FIGPUCKER, FIGPUCKER, & FIGPUCKER Attorneys at Law
Wasn't a victim
Jared only had six inch
I ordered foot long
Haiku # 61187, December 2, 2018 7:15 pm ET
by Go big or Go Home
Ronald stole my soul.
That damn Monopoly game.
And, Christ, it was rigged!

Ronald McDonald
is, I am sure, the Devil.
Or the antichrist.

Still, that's better than
what Jarred had stole from you,
underage hooker.
Haiku # 61186, December 2, 2018 6:08 pm ET
by df
Ronald McDonald
Stole your soul decades ago
Can't have it your way
Haiku # 61185, December 2, 2018 3:42 pm ET
by Burger King of Castle
Poem McNuggets.
Will they taste better if you
dip them in my sauce?
Haiku # 61184, December 2, 2018 12:22 pm ET
by df
The poet(s) in here
Anonymously leave behind
Nuggets of pure art
Haiku # 61183, December 2, 2018 9:20 am ET
by Chatondetoille
vhs is darth
starkitten is someone else
anonymous who
Haiku # 61182, December 2, 2018 8:44 am ET
by Taki Sukitofigan
Packed holiday fudge
For the priest and postman,
UPS Go Brown
Haiku # 61181, December 2, 2018 4:04 am ET
by Quite A. Package of Left at Back Door
Twenty chickens have got loose inside my head and have shat all over the place and now matter how hard you try the stains won't come off the tile and now the Devil and all his friends are having a rave in there and the fucking awful techno music won't stop and the strobe lights and lasers make me want to gouge out my own eyes and it wouldn't be so bad if only they'd share just one little hit of acid those greedy fuckers!

Thanks for asking.
Haiku # 61180, December 2, 2018 3:34 am ET
by df
Nothing's hidden here.
Bare as a porn star on set.
Solo performance.
Haiku # 61179, December 1, 2018 10:56 pm ET
by df
Just one poet here
Just arguing with himself
Hiding behind poems
Haiku # 61178, December 1, 2018 9:35 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Devouring souls,
writhing and screaming in pain,
like birds eating worms.

I know you're thinking
"Gummies are so bad for you."
High fructose demon.

The Savage Sword of
Conan the Barbarian.
Do you remember?
Haiku # 61177, December 1, 2018 6:13 pm ET
by df
I've had many names.
Symphony for the Devil.
Or something like that.

I'm not vhs.
And I'm sure not "Starkitten".
That's too gay for me.

But does it matter?
Could be all the same poet.
Remember Sybil?

You just might be me.
And you wouldn't even know.
You sexy beast, you!
Haiku # 61176, December 1, 2018 5:43 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
It must be one person
Because lowercase df
Is Darth Figpucker

Vhs or Darth
One of them is Starkitten
Almost positive
Haiku # 61175, December 1, 2018 3:45 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
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