My Haiku brothers
Hop in my pink bathysphere
Ride around the sea

Hey, even Yoda bailed.
Death is for corpses.
"To cheat death is a power only one has achieved."

Anyway, back to real live. I have work to do... fucking chem lab report for some damn Arab student too lazy to do his own work. Fuck I hate lab reports.

We should waste time on Facebook?! Fuck that!

Figpucker is fake
He is not ready to DIE.
He is a lightweight.

I think what this world needs is an extremist moderate party. Is that possible... You know, like exile all hippies and KKK/nazis to go live in... I don't know. Say New Jersey. Set up streaming webcams all around that people can outside (the moderates) can pay to watch. Use the money raised to fund education.

You fucking losers
wasting time on this website
exactly like me

Okay, all joking and fuckery aside.
Starkitten is right. VHS, you do sound a bit stressed out.
Anything here is all for shits and giggles, however horrible it may sound.

The world is getting fucked up, yes. I think mostly overpopulation and undereducated masses taking over. Ignorance is the doorway to hatred, and things snowball out of control. Just try to stay out of the avalanche. Be safe, don't stress. Change maybe fast or slow, but it happens. It may be ugly, but don't fear what you cannot prevent. Accept what you cannot control.

Fuck... I sound more like Yoda than some fucking Dark Lord of the Sith. What the hell disease did that mosquito infect me with?!

Civil war coming
in fact, it's already here.
So eat my Haiku...

For the rest of you:
"yo mama so damn NASTY
she voted for TRUMP!"

A scary movie?
House of 1000 Corpses.
That thing is fucked up!

OK, VHS
I am on your side, I think
but you sound unhinged

Happiness is a
bloody swatted mosquito
that had just bit you.

Today will be good.
Tomorrow will be better.
ALL MOSQUITOES DIE!

Hey now, that's not nice.
Don't make fun of poets' moms.
I feel bad for them.

For the moms, I mean.
Imagine your kid being
a haiku poet.

Not a pretty thought.
Gives me the heebie jeebies.
Well, more than "The Nun".

Yo' momma so low-
class she laughs at yo' momma
jokes on this website.

Yo' momma so dumb
she thinks gross income is cash
put in her g-string.

Yo momma so loose
she thinks elbow grease is a
sexual lube.

Just sold a painting
You screaming in the mirror
One million dollars

Well in my spare time
Stare at myself in mirror
And just scream loudly

Let me wash your ass
I'll sell the dingleberries
At Farmer's Market

Benjamin Franklin
Warming his hairy denoinks
Near the Franklin Stove

Plymouth Belvedere
This car climbed Mt. Washington
Yaz, who loves ya Baby

Conjoined headless twin
Forcing me to wear white pants
After Labour Day

Stay on Google Plus.
Lots of T&A on there.
Stress relief, you know.

Stop watching the "news".
Shut down Facebook and Twitter.
Then you will find peace.

Rats flee a doomed ship.
Long before it starts to sink.
Swimming to safety.

Not an easy trip.
But going down with the ship,
for captains, not rats.

anyhow well
well well...

why eat the flesh of
an undead toxic swine? let
it rot and burn and

let the world be purified
the world is in a kind of war right
now, so of course people are
acting, fucked up, the loonies
and their programmed slaves are
lashing out on script

unless of course some
person sees this and realizes
this shit was the net

and it will be a
live, if we can survive this
present conflict now

something about a conspiracy of
an Economist cover and families
just following their routines

so there will be a
time when you and i are dead
and no more haiku

to be honest i think you have
been eating yourself psychically
for a long time. if i knew someone
was coming for me, well, you know
vote Republican there, what is the
point when basically there is a
civil war already on, there's a party
full of aging narcissists and sociopaths
that need to retire or drop dead or
be removed from power, and this
sort of shock bullshit makes me
want to shove that protest sign up
your ass. prison for antifa mob members, hard labor, restitution
for the damage they caused. a hardened lunatic has to go to hell
because they are already dead

African warlords
will consume their enemies.
Not a bad idea.

Get rid of a pest
and cut the grocery bill.
Getting hungry yet?

Noisy neighbor soup.
Give us your best recipes.
Prize for the winner:

Box set DVDs
Silence of the Lambs series
Slurp slurp slurp slurp slurp.

Cannibalism.
Who's the coolest cannibal?
Fish, Dahmer, Packer?

Fish was the cruelest.
And by far the creepiest.
But he's not my fave.

Tell me you've seen it.
Cannibal the Musical.
So I vote Packer.

Fleshlights, chicken-sex
excremental fantasies...
It gets dull finally.

Chicken shaped Flesh Light
A sound investment. Hurry
Bok Bok Bok BOKKAaaaaaah

I see what you mean
Anthony Wiener. Poultry
True Chicken Fucker

Pork bellies are up
And so is Edie Brickell
Mickey Finned Old Paul

The alien parasite mimics the DNA of its host to attain beneficial traits to its environment. While this is sci-fi, the human parasite (I mean to say we human beings) tend to develop traits of the animals they eat. Those who eat a lot of beef, get... beefy. Pork eaters tend to turn into gelatinous blobs and even have piggy little noses. Poultry eaters are jittery little fuckers. And poultry eaters on meth are highly dangerous. Perhaps you should stay away from cock-fights. But it really is goddamned fun to get wasted on cheap rum and watch a couple of roosters gore each other while grown men wave money around making crazy hand symbols like the NYSE back in the day down on the floor... before everything went digital and synthetic. Hmmm.... that's a funny looking haiku.

sizzle snizzle zip
Zag rooty dip dooty
Pip pop zabadoo

right now this late hope
will only come back if i
turn this dang thing off

I came close to proving the Riemann hypothesis, but then her sweat dripped down and ruined everything.
Thanks a fucking lot!

Buying stocks is dumb.
Take your cash to a cock-fight.
Odds are way better.

Don't trust the Chinese.
The Japs had the right idea.
Maybe a bit harsh.

Pollution and greed.
Searching for eternal life.
What is the secret?

I will tell you now.
Endangered species souffle.
They believe that shit.

--- and you trusted them?!

it still hurts to think
i put too much trust and coin
in on linewell, stuff

when the heart moves on
the world of man passes to
a place matters not

Make use of the space
Mathematical Equations
Solved on her rear end

Caress your curvy one
Kiss her dimpled derrière
Use the Nine Iron

I need a mistress.
My wife's ass is way too fat.
Time to go shopping.

Merv Griffin's guffaw
May it haunt you til end times
Bwah ha ha ha ha!

Jack Albertson's cock
Like a dying leather worm
Shriveled in the sun

Up in the Heavens
Come back down! Try some burping
Like Jack Albertson

There he goes again
Balloon Boy! Fetch the Pea Shooter
Needs more Lunchables