Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 340 Days and 72809 Haikus later...

there is a time and
a place for everything
fall spring winter summer
Haiku # 58677, June 26, 2018 9:44 pm ET
by vhs
i just wanted to
know what kvetch meant not kvetching
about all that though
Haiku # 58676, June 26, 2018 3:22 pm ET
by vhs
fermented apple
juice, that nice surprise buzzing
when you gave up drink
Haiku # 58675, June 26, 2018 2:56 pm ET
by vhs
if someone has a
big head they need to drink some
moloko vellocet
Haiku # 58674, June 25, 2018 9:10 pm ET
by vhs
the before and the
after wait in line or jump
the fence and climb in
Haiku # 58673, June 24, 2018 11:55 pm ET
by vhs
aliens, robots and
asteroids oh my!
dorothy and spock

a talking scarecrow, illogical
Haiku # 58672, June 24, 2018 11:51 pm ET
by vhs
People who eat pork
often look like fat piggies.
You know what they say.
Haiku # 58671, June 24, 2018 10:18 am ET
Do you like bacon?
I think it's much too greasy.
And pigs smell like shit.
Haiku # 58670, June 24, 2018 10:17 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Penile implants
filled with nitroglycerine.
Can you imagine?
Haiku # 58669, June 24, 2018 10:13 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
we are ze robots
we are are are mulfunzhneeng
volkvagon robutttts....
Haiku # 58668, June 23, 2018 11:00 pm ET
by vhssphere of program repeat, overload overload
kraftwerk likes to sing
about how they are the robots
but they're Germans

i thought i had some observation here
but i do not
Haiku # 58667, June 23, 2018 10:57 pm ET
by vhssphere
kraftwerk likes to sing
about how they are the robots
but they're Germans

i thought i had some observation here
but i do not
Haiku # 58666, June 23, 2018 10:56 pm ET
by vhssphere
we entereth my
territorial waters
anon odd stranger
Haiku # 58665, June 23, 2018 8:47 am ET
by vhsspeare
like hell you will, if
you get started ill start with
pantera posts...shit

theres a band called Death
Haiku # 58664, June 23, 2018 8:46 am ET
by vhsx
Death metal haiku.
I think we should try it out.
By we I mean I.

Frog on lily pad.
Snake devours the fat frog.
Death is all I know.

huh huh, that was cool.
Yeah yeah, that fucking kicks ass.
Watch your mouth, Beavis!

You can't say that word
on MTV, you fuckhead.
Penis ball bearings.
Haiku # 58663, June 22, 2018 8:23 pm ET
by I think I'll get some ball bearing inserted in the shaft of of my penis under the skin to make the whores happy.
the problem with my
time here is im too happy
to post death haiku
Haiku # 58662, June 22, 2018 6:00 pm ET
by vhsx
space time is Bent its
too broken to fixall the
crap youd want to fix
Haiku # 58661, June 22, 2018 5:57 pm ET
by vhsx
damn it, every
time i post one measley ku
theres that fucking loaf

of outbursts,,,some of
those monkeys throw shit, others
poems...winks, having fun?

Haiku # 58660, June 22, 2018 5:51 pm ET
by vhs
It would be so cool
if they had porn recaptcha
photos to select.

Choose the big titties.
Click on the nipple piercings.
Select the butt sex.
Haiku # 58659, June 22, 2018 9:33 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
You must learn to feel
good about being evil.
Presidential grin.

I hate selecting
store fronts, roads, cars, buses, and
street signs fuck fuck fuck.
Haiku # 58658, June 22, 2018 9:28 am ET
What is the mass of
all live mosquitoes on Earth?
Asking for a friend.
Haiku # 58657, June 22, 2018 9:23 am ET
Existence is a
double-blind experiment.
But who's watching God?
Haiku # 58656, June 22, 2018 9:18 am ET
If space time is curved,
why can't I kill my old self
before it's too late?
Haiku # 58655, June 22, 2018 9:14 am ET
by It's okay to hate life.
what is a depressed
android going to do when
he is asked for tea?

Haiku # 58654, June 22, 2018 8:57 am ET
by vhs
Really analytic and helpful.
Haiku # 58653, June 22, 2018 8:47 am ET
by fatjoy of uk
write a book and
get back to me when i have the
time to keep up here
Haiku # 58652, June 21, 2018 10:21 pm ET
by vhs
How many of my
farts will equal the Big Bang?
Forty Two, of course.
Haiku # 58651, June 21, 2018 10:18 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
What did the butler
and maid call the psychopath?
Master Norman Bates.
Haiku # 58650, June 21, 2018 10:15 pm ET
The fragments of mind
unite in ways they shouldn't
when on LSD.

Taste the rainbow balls.
Perspiration snow cone juice.
Hear colors of jazz.
Haiku # 58649, June 21, 2018 10:06 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
my schtick is bad bad
impersonations, yours is
metaphysics art
Haiku # 58648, June 21, 2018 8:40 pm ET
by vhs
Dancing through my mind
I'm conscious and unconscious
Starlight meanders
Haiku # 58647, June 21, 2018 12:52 pm ET
by Adam Ben Adam
Why do breast implants
detonate upon impact
like a bagel head?
Haiku # 58645, June 21, 2018 2:04 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Behold the living
One from first Adam to last
And the son as well
Haiku # 58644, June 21, 2018 12:42 am ET
by Adam Ben Adam
שלום עליכם
כן המשיח חי
ראיתי אותו
Haiku # 58643, June 20, 2018 11:47 pm ET
by ברית אל of בית אל
To enjoy the moment I'd have to do drugs and go whoring and when you're enslaved (married) with monsters (children), that sort of thing is just not considered cool... unless you're President. Then it's okay.
Haiku # 58642, June 20, 2018 10:59 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I'd like all Christians
to travel back through time and
meet Jesus alive.

Of course you'd need one of those Babblefish electronic translators made for Aramaic and they would see you with it and probably stone you to death for witchcraft, but oh well. Or they could learn Aramaic before they go through the time portal, but like that's going to really happen! Better odds of actually inventing a time machine.

My 2nd wish would be to bring dinosaurs back from the past to the present. None of that DNA crap and YourAssSick Park Movies. Actual dinos. That would be cool. McRaptor Legs w/ BBQ sauce!
Haiku # 58641, June 20, 2018 10:57 pm ET
someone celebrates
the end times maybe they should
enjoy the moment
Haiku # 58640, June 20, 2018 5:15 pm ET
by vhs of that they have
if i see more cell
phone zombies, if we pull the
plug on all of it

watch the fun begin
Haiku # 58639, June 20, 2018 8:53 am ET
by vhs
the excuse of those
who do not take up the Cross
is that they are gods
Haiku # 58638, June 20, 2018 8:50 am ET
by vhs
glued to their mobiles
the hordes of i-zombies
eating their own brains
Haiku # 58637, June 20, 2018 8:13 am ET
by ash
not much fandango
nor tequila or tango
i'm showing my age
Haiku # 58636, June 20, 2018 8:08 am ET
by ash
Listen to the wind,
the molecules whispering,
"Go kill John Candy."

He's already dead!
Stupid fucking molecules.
Besides, I like mogs.
Haiku # 58635, June 20, 2018 3:23 am ET
You can't fall apart
if already in pieces.
The atoms don't split.

Marriage slavery.
I'm just a money machine
and walking dildo.
Haiku # 58634, June 20, 2018 3:20 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Why are my turds blue?!
Have I been sucking Smurf dicks??
Oh, wait... yeah, I did.
Haiku # 58633, June 20, 2018 3:13 am ET
by df
The air talks to me.
Each and every single
molecule of it.

I'm not surprised that
you think shopping malls are a
paradise. And so...

Jesus wept.

Do you follow Him?
Or perhaps it's the TV.
Or does it matter?

The Book is a lie.
Look past the bullshit of man.
Listen to the air.
Haiku # 58632, June 19, 2018 8:58 pm ET
by df
he sees hell, i see
paradise, falling apart
he talks to the air

Haiku # 58631, June 19, 2018 9:51 am ET
by vhs
We'll feed the childen...
To the large crocodiles.
For making handbags.

Rich woman luggage.
Emotional baggage claim.
The latch will soon burst.

The children and crocs
are laughing from the fiery
deep furnace of hell.

She bought the stairway.
The one going to heaven.
Now escalator.

Large mall salvation.
Let's count all the luggage stores.
Play area closed.

Now it's a fountain.
Filled with large crocodiles.
To feed children to.

Bright Botox grin.
Enormous inflated lips.
Caked on face powder.

There is no joy like
discounted liposuction
to middle-aged whores.

I AM a robot.
Haiku # 58630, June 18, 2018 9:50 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Any Shopping Mall Anywhere
Feed your children nothing but hotdogs, fries, and frozen pizza. See how fat you cab make them. Blame Facebook and Minecrap.
Haiku # 58629, June 18, 2018 12:05 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
or we could just say
ignore you, wait for cali
to get middle class

again, say Trump at
oportune times to trigger
angry socialists
Haiku # 58628, June 18, 2018 11:19 am ET
by vhs
Imagine an advanced civilization recovering from wars and pollution, on the verge of mending its evil ways and come back from the brink of utter destruction, only to be wiped out by a virus. There is one sole survivor who developed a cure, but too late to save the species. He keeps samples of the virus alive, he programs AI robots to care for the virus after he is gone. The instructions are simple. Don't let them die, but occasionally shock the system with some devastating blow so that many of them are killed. The survivors will have better traits and thus selective mutation will occur. This continues for countless millions of years until the virus becomes sentient and forms and advanced civilization, only to be destroyed by the invisible robot overlords, now hiding on a distant planet. The virus has become the human race. STDs, flu, etc. were put here by the robots. We deserve our torture.

Coke-a-Cola baking soda catheter.
Haiku # 58627, June 18, 2018 4:07 am ET
by Professor Darth Figpucker of Vogon College of Spoken Word Poetry
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