BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
341 Days
66228 Haikus
drug are bad mmkay?
you know south park, midwest, cut
outs, cartman, now stay

away from my cheesy poofs
Haiku #57698, by Anonymous Poet
November 27, 2017 8:23 am ET

You know how helium makes your voice sound like the chipmunks, well nitrous makes your voice slightly deep like Satan has taken over your body... another fun reason to try it.
Haiku #57697, by Anonymous Poet
November 27, 2017 1:53 am ET

I think I have it!
I'll start doing whip-cream gas.
Nitrous oxide laugh.

Just say N2O.
Like being at the dentist,
No drilling needed.
Haiku #57696, by Anonymous Poet
November 27, 2017 1:52 am ET

But I could get killed.
Police kill drug users here.
So what should I do?
Haiku #57695, by Anonymous Poet
November 27, 2017 1:49 am ET

I need some hard drugs.
My wife said she would leave me
if I start with drugs.
Haiku #57694, by Anonymous Poet
November 27, 2017 1:48 am ET

Not a bad idea!
But what will I serve for drinks?
Pina Colada?
Haiku #57693, by Anonymous Poet
November 27, 2017 1:46 am ET

Remove seat from bike
Replace with it with a bar stool
Hipster super cool
Haiku #57692, by Anonymous Poet
November 27, 2017 12:53 am ET

I'll ride my bike all
day long to the point of
exhaustion or death.

But I hate that feeling of the pointy bike seat feeling like its going up your ass like you've fallen drunkenly asleep at a frat party and some drunk "Eata Pumpkin Pie" has had too much X and discovered that he has homosexual tendencies after his "girlfriend" went home with some football player and can you blame her. Fucking bike seats.
Haiku #57691, by Anonymous Poet
November 26, 2017 8:27 pm ET

Erectify Cheer.
Bono boner bonbon hump.
Help me, Lord Satan!
Haiku #57690, by Anonymous Poet
November 26, 2017 8:21 pm ET

In the depths of mind,
one cannot truly see life
from faults of the past
Haiku #57689, by Liv of Puerto Rico
November 26, 2017 5:39 pm ET

once vibrant storefronts
give way to for sale or rent
signs and tattered paint
Haiku #57688, by vhs
November 26, 2017 1:20 pm ET

"The sphinx's sphincter
made quite an uncommon toot,"
said Tutankhamun.
Haiku #57687, by Anonymous Poet
November 26, 2017 5:04 am ET

Penile implant.
Nile crocodile Lyle.
Ate Neffer-titty.

It is not normal.
Uncommon Tutankhamun.
He smoked too much hash.
Haiku #57686, by Anonymous Poet
November 25, 2017 9:50 pm ET

people make choices
and we may not agree but
we will miss y'all
Haiku #57685, by vhs
November 25, 2017 10:49 am ET

hmm i understand
words better if you don't mind
guys will be guys though
Haiku #57684, by vhs
November 24, 2017 12:16 pm ET

The meaning of life
One's life can have a meaning
I don't know how to quantify that
Haiku #57683, by dvd of took high school algebra 3 times and didn't pass until grumpy mr wright was my algebra teacher
November 24, 2017 1:25 am ET

The meaning of life
Is it a variable
In the equation ?
Haiku #57682, by You boys suck at math of Arabs invented your numbers
November 24, 2017 12:04 am ET

if it were a bad
haiku on thanksgiving it
would be a turkey

so stuff it as you will
and cover it with gravy
Haiku #57681, by vhs
November 23, 2017 3:56 pm ET

happy thanksgiving
forty two is the answer
what is the question?
Haiku #57680, by vhs
November 22, 2017 6:26 pm ET

Happy Thanksgiving.
Eat lots of sweet potato,
turkey and gravy.
Haiku #57679, by Darth Figpucker
November 22, 2017 1:19 am ET

difference is that
I'd end up marrying one
of the green girls there

don't tell De, he thinks
if the girl is green she gone
past experation
Haiku #57678, by vhs
November 21, 2017 6:08 pm ET

None of the theorems contain an equality. In language they call that an incomplete sentence.
It is believed that as the dimensionality of the Madelung constant is increased that it diverges or approaches infinity. No one has proved this, to my knowledge. It's not as sexy as twin primes or Reimann or why did the chicken cross an arbitrary plane of existence and uniqueness when it could have just as easily stayed home in the roost keeping its eggs warm.
Chickens should be called roosters -- they stay in the roost. Roosters should be called COCKS.
Been a while since I've seen a good cock fight. Sabong. NYSE old days.
Drunk enough, I just might try balot eggs afterwards. Assuming I still have 50 pesos left.
Haiku #57677, by Darth Figpucker
November 21, 2017 2:44 am ET

If vhs was captain of the Enterprise
Instead of James T Kirk
I don't think much would change
Scotty would be as stressed as ever
But most importantly
I know vhs would be seeking out alien Females with the same zeal
All he needs is warp drive capability
Haiku #57676, by dvd
November 20, 2017 11:07 pm ET

(# of herps) / (# of derps) + (# of cigarettes smoked per hour) - (# of tins of bacon flavored chewing tobacco consumed) ^ (angular momentum of chicken tender upon consumption)
Haiku #57675, by dvd
November 20, 2017 10:51 pm ET

(# of burgers) / (# of Sue B impersonations per minute) + (# of degrees cap is askew) - (liberal to conservative ratio) ^ (# of kittens currently in lap)
Haiku #57674, by dvd
November 20, 2017 10:41 pm ET

the old folks try to
set limits on the younger
knowing too well their

time is coming
Haiku #57673, by vhs
November 20, 2017 8:47 pm ET

Marilyn Manson?
I didn't know she was ill.
Tainted Love loved taint.
Haiku #57672, by Anonymous Poet
November 20, 2017 8:13 am ET

mugabe, manson
keep it in the family
is their common theme
Haiku #57671, by ash
November 20, 2017 7:41 am ET

The witches are false.
They refuse to eat children.
Oh, but they'll drink beer!
Haiku #57670, by Anonymous Poet
November 20, 2017 3:05 am ET

Rather than the death penalty, murderers should be kept on public display, much like at a zoo, where we could pay to speak to them and be entertained. The money made would easily pay for the prison as well as victim compensations. Sadly, we live in a "civilized" society, not a sane one.
Haiku #57669, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2017 11:09 pm ET

So Manson's near death.
Strangely I do not feel sad.
He brought much laughter.
Haiku #57668, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2017 11:06 pm ET

I'd like some absinthe.
The real McCoy with wormwood.
For breakfast and lunch.
Haiku #57667, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2017 11:04 pm ET

Enlightenment calls.
Well, I feel lighter, for sure.
Perhaps it's the prunes.
Haiku #57666, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2017 11:02 pm ET

Asian grocery.
Aleister Crowley's ice box.
Grandma's thawed freezer.
Haiku #57665, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2017 11:00 pm ET

Again the word Calle
is part of the captcha code
and I don't like it.
Haiku #57664, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2017 10:55 pm ET

Sexual assault.
Jim Henson and The Muppets.
Haiku #57663, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2017 10:53 pm ET

The Department of
Interspecies Relations
and Gene Enhancements.
Haiku #57662, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2017 10:51 pm ET

well Doctor Shark (I)
(like that better than "DF)
Apple Core is all
Haiku #57661, by vhs
November 18, 2017 11:53 am ET

The Doctor is IN.
I would prescribe nelusko.
Or tiramisu.

And cappuccino.
Perhaps then a titty bar.
And imported beer.

Caffeine and sugar.
Then a hard-on and spirits.
What is there to lose.

If you never sin,
then Jesus died for nothing.
Trust Doc Figpucker.

But seriously,
get out and enjoy yourself.
Don't be a pussy.
Haiku #57660, by df
November 18, 2017 3:27 am ET

blood thickening chill
perhaps the cure is a pill
Or, potato chips
Haiku #57659, by Anonymous Poet
November 18, 2017 3:04 am ET

alternatives, worse
to live these days, is a curse
still, people have hope
Haiku #57658, by Adorable Kittens
November 18, 2017 1:15 am ET

this is one of those
days which makes me question if
living is worth it
Haiku #57657, by vhs
November 17, 2017 7:04 pm ET

It's an orgasm
from eating nelusko cake.
(Mocha praline cake.)

Marie Antoinette
said let them eat Nelusko.
So that's what I did.

But it made a mess.
Next time I'll put some napkins
in my underwear.
Haiku #57656, by df
November 17, 2017 3:31 am ET

Go ahead, tell us.
What does your fancy word mean?
Do we want to know?
Haiku #57655, by Adorable Kittens
November 16, 2017 11:01 pm ET

That's the new word for the day.
I just made it up.
Haiku #57654, by df
November 16, 2017 8:45 pm ET

so, maybe at last
peace has come to zimbabwe
after some delay
Haiku #57653, by ash
November 16, 2017 7:29 pm ET

well if i mention
processed foods to you it will
stoke your left leaning

boomer tree hugging
silliness we have all come
to know you for now

even if we ourselves
agree with much of the ethos
less spam, more fish
Haiku #57652, by vhs
November 16, 2017 6:04 pm ET

I'm going out now.
Umbrella, hopping puddles.
I love my black drug.

Maybe I'll have cake.
And I just might eat it too.
Because, hey, I can.
Haiku #57651, by Darth Figpucker is now in search of caffeine in almost any form.
November 16, 2017 3:07 am ET

I need a coffee!
Caribou cappuccino.
Yes, that's a real thing.

Caribou milk cap.
Except it's raining right now.
Fucking November.

I wonder if the coffee trees were fertilized by caribou poo.
It's quite possible. And if you've never tried civet cat coffee, then you should. Look it up. It's not bad, but they cage the poor animals and abuse them to get the raw coffee beans, so I won't try it again. And it's way overpriced. Maybe you shouldn't try it.

I just farted. Nothing special.

Crocodile pot pie.
Haiku #57650, by Anonymous Poet
November 16, 2017 3:03 am ET

What's grosser than eating poop?
Eating Spam poop! Spam poop that's been pooped by Spam. Processed pressure cooked inverted pork rectums and grizzle, preserved and canned, force fed to a fat pig (pre-Spam, if you will) for months, eating nothing but Spam, just so you can collect the pre-Spam Spam poo for a poo that's more disgusting to eat than regular poo.

That's for you, vhs, since you seem obsessed w/ Spam lately. I fucking hate processed foods and Spam is the epitome of disgusting. Stroke-inducing artery-clogging garbage. So there you have it.

But it's better than gold in the Philippines! Christ, they'll trade their own children for a case of imported American Spam. And that's no shit.
Haiku #57649, by Anonymous Poet
November 16, 2017 2:56 am ET